


Bergtatt

by BflyW



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Royalty, College, M/M, Modern Royalty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-03-07 03:39:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 52,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3159818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BflyW/pseuds/BflyW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared is a Norwegian student at College in USA. His family holds a position back home that makes it impossible for him to be anonymous. He is the King and Queen's middle child. In USA he meets Jensen, an art-therapy student with a troubled relationship with his family. His father is a minister, and they do belive homosexuality is a sin. It doesn't make them love their son any less, but it makes it harder for Jensen to face his family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> "Bergtatt" is a Norwegian word taken from the fairy-tales. It has a double meaning and translates 'captured by the mountains' or 'under a spell'. It's usually the princess in the fairy-tale that are captured by the troll (another word from the Scandinavian fairy-tales) in the mountains. I couldn't find a word in English that holds this double meaning; both linking back to the fairy-tale prince/princess concept that real life royalty are not - and also describing the feeling Jared have when he sees Jensen.  
> So I kept the Norwegian word as the title.

****

 

 **PROLOGUE**  
  
 _The Royal palace_  
Oslo, Norway   
January, 5 years ago  
  
  
Jared looks out on the sea of people from his hiding spot behind the curtain: faces as far as his eyes can see. A throng of bodies that from this distance almost form an entity. Groups are divided by enormous piles of snow-- dirty snow that’s been shuffled off the ground and piled up through a snow rich winter. Gravel and car fumes have colored the snow black, but right now the snow glows. Every bit of it is covered in lights and there are letters and pictures scattered around. People are gathering around, holding hands, singing and crying.   
  
This must be the fifth time, at least, that he’s heard the national anthem sung. It starts impromptu, with everyone present joining in.   
  
It’s been going on for hours.  
  
The first people started showing up around 11 am, less than an hour after the news broke, and even before the family arrived. They had clapped as they drove past them, but it wasn’t a cheerful clap. It was mitten-clad hands joining in a rhythmic support to the grieving family. And it’s a grieving crowd’s reaction to losing a King.  
  
A king is dead. Their king is dead. And Jared has just lost his grandfather.  
  
He knows this is a national day of sorrow , a day that will forever be mentioned in the history books, but for him it’s a personal loss. He has lost his beloved granddad. The one who used to let him sit on his lap and climb on his furniture. For him, Granddad has always been just that: Granddad. He’s been the most important person in Jared’s life.  
  
When Jared was five, he climbed his grandpa’s lap and asked: Why are they called a prince in the fairytales? And Grandpa had explained to him that in the fairytales, a prince represented the good and the brave, the man we strive to be. And if we succeed in being good and brave, we can overcome the evil.  
  
Jared didn’t think he was always good and brave, and Jeff certainly wasn’t, so he couldn’t understand why they also were called princes.  
  
Dad was brave though. He could see why he would be a prince. But Jeff was just his annoying big brother who would tease him to no end and always rile him up just before they were expected out in public where he knew Jared had to behave unless he wanted to be put in place later by Mom or Dad. Mom especially would yell at him if he didn’t behave. Dad would be more prone to laugh at it, telling Mom that they are just kids.  
  
But Grandpa told him that fairytale princes and real princes were not the same. That fairytale princes were a symbolthat they ought to try to live up to, while real life princes were princes because they had a special job to do. Their jobs were to be the best representatives to their people as they could be. Their obligation was to the people in their country, in this case Norway, and that they were a symbol of the nation.  
  
They were big words for a five-year-old, but they were important. Ten years later, he still remembers them, and how Granddad lived by his own word. “All for Norway,” he said, and by that he meant that he was there to serve the people, not the other way around. And for that attitude, the people had named him “the people’s King.”  
  
Jared could only hope to be as good a representative one day. Not that he ever would be a king; that was Jeff’s lot. No, Jared would always just be a prince and he was grateful for that. He watched his brother become depressed by the burden of being the second heir to the throne, by having to make it his own journey and his own choice to go into that role. At 15, Jared was seriously scared Jeff would waive his right to the throne because that would bump Jared up one place, and suddenly a future as a king would be a possibility rather than a bullet dodged.   
  
“There’s a lot of people out there.” Jeff’s voice is close to his ear, and Jared startles.   
  
“Jeeze. Give a warning, man. I didn’t notice you were just behind me.”  
  
“Sorry.” Jeff laughs, always happy to startle his kid brother, even on a day like this. Jared notices Jeff’s red rimmed eyes and shaking hands.   
  
“You okay, man?”  
  
“Yeah.” Jeff nods.  
  
They look out on the people for a while, standing together in silence.  
  
“They really did love him,” Jeff finally says.  
  
“They really did.”  
  
Jeff doesn’t say anything for a long while, but Jared knows he’s wondering if he can ever live up to the same standard. Their grandfather was a magnificent man. He wasn’t particularly tall, like the men after him have been. They get that from their grandmother’s side of the family. No, he was about average height, but well built. His appearance was more main man than royal, but his brain was extraordinary. He had a knack for history and politics, and would know details about most anything. He could quote people word by word, and would remember the smallest details about the most random thing. He would always look forward to Fridays at 11 am, when council of state took place. Being informed by the prime minister, in company of all the other ministers, about what has been done in the government during the week, and sign his name on the resolutions, was one of his weekly highlights. He was genuinely interested in the state’s affairs, even though a king’s duties are mainly representative and ceremonial, since the power is vested in the government.  
  
“You’re a role model, Jared,” his grandpa used to say. “Give the people someone to look up to. Dare to be yourself. Be proud and be honest. That’s the best way you can fill your role.”  
  
Right now, Jared has no desire to be a role model. Right now, he has no desire to share his grandpa with the people. He wants to curl up and cry, but his duty is to represent.  
  
We wipes his eyes, checks that all the buttons on his black winter coat are correctly buttoned, and goes to stand beside his mother. She grabs his hand and gives it a light squeeze. It feels surprisingly comforting, and he reaches over to do the same to his sister.  
  
“You okay, kiddo?” he asks her.  
  
“Yeah,” she breathes. She’s just 11 years old and still just a kid.  
  
“Are you ready?” his father asks them all, and they all give their confirmation. His dad nods to the cabinet secretary standing by the tall glass doors leading out to the balcony overlooking the palace square. At the sign given by his dad, the cabinet secretary opens the doors -- first one, then the other -- and a gust of freezing cold air whiffs into the room. Jeff, Megan and Jared stand back a minute while his mother and father walk out to greet the people. Standing behind them, looking out on the people and the light, Jared can hear the unison exclaimation expressed by thousands of people greeting his father in his new role.  
  
“The King is dead, Long live the King!”


	2. Chapter 2

**PART ONE**

_USA  
Present day_  
  
The line in front of him is long and it’s moving slowly. At least he has somewhere to store his stuff while he stands in line. And luckily it isn’t raining. It has been raining constantly for nearly a week, but today the sun decided to show itself. Of course, the ground is still soaked, and everything put down directly on the grass will be soaked through in no time.   
  
He turns to look at Linda standing a few meters back by the benches. Her eyes are focused on him, and he gives her a wave. With her long blond hair pulled back in a ponytail, blue jeans and a red tank top, she looks like any other student. She smiles back at him and he can’t help but laugh at the sight of her frustrated looks. She’s a patient woman, but even her patience is tested watching a line that never moves.  
  
He’s watching the people milling around him, laughing and joking. Quite a lot of people seem to know each other, but quite a lot of them seem to be alone and nervous as well. He guesses he’s not the only one new to this, though he assumes he is rather alone in being the only grad student that has never gone through registration before.  
  
He finds it kind of fascinating. It’s not like he has never been to public schools before. He attended both a public day care and a mandatory school in Norway before attending a private Christian High School in Oslo. And his undergrad studies were done at the university in Oslo. But he has never had to attend the normal registration process before. And he has always lived at home with his parents or in a private apartment in Oslo when he was a student, so he has never needed to sign up for dorms before.   
  
He has had a roommate before though. The one year in the military granted him roommates -- multiple rommates. He was living in a small room with five other boys, and when clad in green, it didn’t really matter that you were royal. You had to do the same dirty duties as the rest of them. Every Norwegian male at age 18 has to attend the military; it doesn’t matter if your father is the King. And he didn’t mind too much the roommates, except for one particular guy that got on his nerves more than enough times. But it didn’t scare him away from trying again.   
  
He’s been in the area a few days already, looking around.   
  
Yesterday he took a walk around the nearby lake that he completely fell in love with. It reminded him somewhat of  _Semvannet Lake_  close to  _Skaugum Royal Farm_  where he grew up. He always used the areas surrounding Skaugum to get the exercise he wanted; he’s never been fond of being constricted to indoor gyms. Luckily there has always been plenty of outdoor activities for him to do, and he intends to continue doing so here.  
  
He’s happy to know he has found a place to do his morning run, and also a coffeehouse that can provide him with caffeine afterwards.  
  
Coffee Grounds coffeehouse is located just two blocks down from the dorms, and he suspects it gets most of its income from caffeine-addicted students. He tried their espresso yesterday. It’s always his favorite, and this Coffee Grounds didn’t disappoint.  
  
“Hi.” A petite blonde girl smiles at him and he smiles back. They have been standing in line for what seems like hours now, and it is just good making friends with the people he will be sharing house with.   
  
“My name is Kathy,” she says, and gives him the most innocent smile she can muster.  
  
“Jared.” He smiles back.  
  
“So what is your major, Jared?”  
  
“Political science,” he answers her. “My focus is on international trade.”   
  
“Cool. I’m an art student,” Kathy tells him and twirls a lock of hair around her fingers.  
  
He’s not sure Political Science is cool, as she phrased it, but it comes in handy when he chooses his tasks as a Prince. There’s really no education specifically designed to educate a Prince, and unless he wanted to take a traditional education and step away from his role as a Prince, he had to decide what his tasks should be and build an education that would make him skilled to do his job.  
  
“Your name?” A voice drags him out of his own daydream and his eyes fall on a girl sitting behind the table.  
  
“Jared Tristan,” he tells her.   
  
Kathy has moved on to the boy sitting next to the girl Jared is talking to, and she is giving him all her information for her registration. She waves a goodbye to Jared and tells him she’ll be seeing him around.  
  
From here things go a bit faster. He’s handed a key, a room number and a welcome pamphlet with the dorm rules. He’s practically bouncing with anticipation when he heads over to the grad student housing to climb the stairs up to third floor and find his room. He looks at each and every door until he find his number and notices that the names are already up: Jared Tristan and Chad Michael Murray.  
  
He hopes that this Chad Michael Murray is not yet there so he can inspect the room before he’s got company, but no such luck. He’s just about to reach for the door handle when the door swings open and a blond head pops out.  
  
“You Jared?” the boy says, and Jared can only nod.  
  
“Great,” the boy says and stretches out his hand. “Chad at your service. I’ve taken the liberty of choosing a bed and hooking up the TV, but you’re welcome to choose the other bed.”  
  
“Thank you,” Jared says and casts a glance at the bed currently sitting in the shadows. “I’ll be getting the morning sun, won’t I?”  
  
Chad only grins and Jared grumbles. Great.  
  
“How did you beat me here anyway? I was up by dawn!”  
  
“Oh, young one,” Chad says. “How much you have to learn. If there is one time you need to rise before the sun, it’s at registration.”  
  
“ _Now_  you tell me,” Jared mumbles under his breath.  
  
“What was that?”   
  
“Nothing,” Jared shrugs.  
  
“So where’s your stuff, man?” Chad has finally caught on that Jared came empty-handed.  
  
“Uh.” Jared waves his hand in a general direction. “Down in the car. I’ll go get it.”  
  
“You have a car? Sweet!” Chad jumps up and is about ready to hug him when Jared takes a step back and shakes his head.  
  
“No, I don’t. Some friends drove me, that’s all.”  
  
“Oh, okay. But you have friends with a car then. That’s cool, too.”  
  
“Yeah, well, kind of.”  
  
“Kind of? Do you or don’t you?”  
  
“They’re kind of friends. It’s complicated.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
He doesn’t stress the issue anymore, but he follows close by when Jared leaves to pick up his stuff.  
  
“You’re following me?” Jared turns halfway down the first flight of stairs.  
  
“Yeah, I thought we were picking up your stuff.”  
  
“Oh.” Jared hadn’t expected him to help, but sure knows to appreciate it. “Cool.”  
  
The car is parked just down the street and a man in his mid twenties is sitting behind the wheel.   
  
“Er du klar?” he asks when Jared walks up to him, and Jared nods at him.  
  
“Ja. Dette er romkameraten min, Chad,” says Jared and points towards Chad.  
  
“Mind telling me what you’re talking about, considering you’re throwing my name around. And what kind of language is that?”  
  
“Sorry.” Jared turns towards Chad and throws him a goofy smile, hoping it will buy him forgiveness. “I was just telling him I was ready to move in my stuff, and that you are my roommate. And the language is Norwegian, by the way.”  
  
“Norwegian, huh?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“That’s, like, in Europe, right?”  
  
“Yeah, North. Scandinavia.”  
  
“Right, Sweden and stuff.”  
  
“Yeah, borders with Sweden.”  
  
“Cool.”  
  
Together the three of them carry Jared’s stuff inside in just two trips He has a couple of suitcases of clothes, a box of Norwegian books, a laptop, an iPod and a selection of Norwegian DVDs that he unpacks right away.   
  
“For when I get homesick.” Jared points at the DVDs and books and Chad nods.   
  
“Are they any good?” Chad asks, picking up one of the DVDs. He can’t understand any of the text on the back.  
  
“I think so. Wouldn’t have brought them otherwise,” Jared says and takes the DVD cover out of Chad’s hand. “Take this one, for instance. Max Manus. It’s about the resistance forces during the second world war in Norway. True story. It took the grand slam at the Norwegian movie awards last year.”  
  
“Cool. And it’s in Norwegian, right?”  
  
“Yeah. You would have to read the subtitles.”  
  
“So I’m not watching that then.”  
  
Jared laughs and shakes his head, but he is silently making himself a promise to make Chad see at least one Norwegian film before the end of the first year.

 

*

  
  
Jared spends most of the day unpacking and talking to his new roommate. Chad is quite a character, but Jared thinks he will be able to share a room with him without too much trouble. He knows that his security team has done a minimum background check on Chad, something Jared isn’t too happy about. He knows it’s a necessity, but he doesn’t like people’s backgrounds being checked without their knowledge.   
  
He tucks away the guilty feelings though and concentrates on getting to know the guy the old-fashioned way.  
  
“So Chad, what are you studying?”  
  
He looks at Chad’s side of the room and sees a lot of books on computer programming, so his first guess is computer science. Chad confirms this, and points towards the computer he’s set up at his desk. It’s a desktop computer, much more powerful than Jared’s laptop. He also pulls out a laptop that also is better than Jared’s.  
  
Jared loves his laptop. He uses it a lot, but not for anything fancy that needs a lot of power. His laptop is more than enough to make the necessary notes in class and for writing his essays and emails. The most important value on his laptop is probably his music collection -- the same music collection he also has on his iPod.  
  
Music is a necessity. He can’t go a day without music.  
  
His taste in music is varied, but if he had to choose between genres, he would say that rock is what he could not live without. He has spent endless hours in concerts, and his collection of albums is rather extensive. But as a Prince, he has had to attend concerts of the more highly cultural kind as well, and though he used to fight his yawn in his early years, he has learned to appreciate classical music as well. Contemporary music can be a challenge though. He likes to at least recognize some kind of melody.  


 

*

  
  
Turns out Pete from next door is taking many of the same classes as Jared, and they head out together the first day. Jared has been looking around campus, but still he has a little bit of trouble finding his way. Luckily Pete knows where their first class is and can lead the way.  
  
Linda follows suit, pretending to be a fellow student, while in reality she is his bodyguard. Luckily for Linda, she is interested in social science, and thought about studying sociology and political science if she hadn’t chosen the police force. So sitting in class will not be a hardship.   
  
The first day of class is rather uneventful. It’s mostly introductions, and he meets and greets many new people. There are a few co-students he immediately takes a liking to, people he’d like to get to know better. There are a few that he thinks he probably never will make friends with, and then a large group of people that don’t stand out at all. He hopes that for the most part, he doesn’t stand out too much.  
  
It’s only the administration of the college who knows who he really is, and he is registered just under the name of Jared Tristan. The downside of being royal is that you don’t have a last name. It makes those registration forms somewhat tricky, so as of now, he’s a boy with one first name and one weird last name and no middle name at all. It could have been worse.  
  
None of his teachers know who he really is, and none of his co-students, and he’d like to keep it that way.   
  
He knows he probably has to let his new friends in eventually. He cannot walk around campus without security, and it‘s just so long he can have the same people following him around without people starting to ask questions.   
  
Due to his relative anonymity, he doesn’t need many bodyguards here, and they have decided that unless something comes up, one is enough during class. That one is Linda. His room will be watched by at least two bodyguards, living in the room across the hall. And whenever he is with large groups of people, there will be two bodyguards following him. But on a normal day, there will only be one following him when he leaves the dorm. They don’t have to be right next to him, but always within a radius of ten meters.  


 

*

  
  
  
He has agreed on meeting Chad at the coffee shop he found the other day, to catch up and meet some of Chad’s friends. Chad did his undergrad here as well, and knows the area and lots of the people, so Jared is more than happy to be introduced to his friends.  
  
He’s early and enters the coffeehouse before Chad arrives. Even though it is a rather small coffee shop, there are plenty of people here and he walks in and stands in line.  
  
Now, most people would hate long lines, and it’s not that he is fond of waiting. But the fact that he can stand in line waiting, and no one makes any move to let him pass is liberating. He just stands there for as long as it takes and just people watches.   
  
He can never people watch. People are always watching him, so he can never be the one secretly observing others.  
  
When it’s his turn at the cash register he’s buying espresso -- one for himself, and one for Linda. He intends to introduce her to Chad and his friends so that it will be easier to bring her along without raising suspicion.   
  
Linda has been working for the Royal Police Escort Unit for two years. Her ambitions when choosing a career in the police was not to follow a young prince around, but to fight terror. She didn’t have much chose where to start her apprentice period though, and after a year at Majorstua police station, she was transferred to RPEU. To her surprise she actually liked babysitting the young price, so she decided to stay even though she was now free to apply to any division she wanted to work in.  
  
She was specially asked to stay put in RPEU, to follow Jared to the States. He needed young officers that could pass as a grad student, and she was perfect for the job. Unlike the other officers that had come with her from Norway, she was on duty every school day. The others shared the other shifts between them, and would work three months before having two months off in Norway. She would not be going home unless it was a school break, and Jared was going home.   
  
She didn’t much mind, as she had dreamed about going to the USA as an exchange student in high school, but her parents hadn’t allowed her. Now she had her opportunity to have her time in the US, making money while learning political science at the same time.   
  
She had not needed a long time to think about it.  
  
It didn’t hurt that Jared had become a good friend as well, and that they liked spending time together.  
  


 

*

  
  
  
Chad arrives not long after, and with him comes three girls. They laugh at something Chad is saying and Jared can see that Chad loves being the center of their attention. He waves at Chad and watches them worm their way through the crowd and over to the table he has secured for them.  
  
“Hi, Jay-man,” Chad says and gives him a slap on the shoulder. “This is Sophia, Elly and Kathy.”  
  
“Hi.” Jared greets them and smiles especially wide at Kathy. “Nice seeing you again.”  
  
“Hi, Jared,” she greets him, giings him a beaming smile. “I told you we’d be seeing each other again.”  
  
“Yes you did.”  
  
Turns out Kathy is the girlfriend of Chad’s friend Mike as well as being best friends with Chad’s love interest Sophia. Of course, Chad is not Sophia’s love interest. Not at the moment anyway. Turns out they are kind of an on again, off again couple, and right now, they are off.   
  
They talk and laugh for more than two hours before they dissolve the group and wander off to their respective dorm rooms.  
  
It feels good though, belonging in a group, already this early in the school year.  
  
  


 

*

  
  
  
It doesn’t take long until Jared has a fixed set of routines.   
  
He and one of the male bodyguards takes a slow run in the morning before he inhales coffee at the coffee shop and then goes home to have a relaxing shower before he heads to class with Linda.   
  
Classes have already been going on for almost two months, and autumn is starting to give way to winter. The people they meet during their morning runs are getting fewer and fewer, and those they do meet are wearing more and more clothes.   
  
There is a white layer of frost on the ground and Jared can see the fog in front of their mouths when they breathe. It hasn’t started getting icy, so he has no intention of skipping out on the run yet.  
  
It’s on one of these runs that Jared first sees him: the man that soon will become his obsession. He’s sitting on a bench holding a cup of steaming coffee, staring straight ahead. He looks so lost that Jared can’t take his eyes off him. He forgets what Petter, his bodyguard, is telling him, and goes silent as he focuses in on the vision of a man before his eyes.  
  
He might paint this in big words, but he truly is enchanted by this man and his captivating beauty.  
  
Now Jared isn’t new to the idea of liking men, but he seldom gets struck by first look. He’s not sure he is now either. Maybe it’s just that he looks so out of his element. He doesn’t look like he’s up to an early morning; he rather looks like he never went to bed. But he doesn’t look like he’s been partying all night. He simply looks sad.   
  
“What?” Petter asks after they have passed him.  
  
“I don’t know,” Jared answers. “There was something about him. He looked so sad.”  
  
“Probably came out here to think,” Petter says. He has a way of stating the obvious.  
  
“Yeah. Wonder about what?”  


 

*

  
  
Jensen would really like to drink the hot coffee he’s currently holding in his hands, but he’s afraid that when that’s gone his hands will freeze even more. It’s not winter yet, but there’s still frost in the air this early in the day. The sun is just about to peek above the horizon, and only people who don’t know their own good are out at this hour.  
  
He doesn’t know why he didn’t stay inside in the coffee shop, but it felt crowded. He needed space, space to think.  
  
Normally he would be snuggling beneath the covers this time of day -- he’s no early bird -- but this night he has been wandering aimlessly around. He can’t walk home until he’s calmed down a bit, but his thoughts will not give him rest.  
  
 _She cried._  
  
He heard her through the phone, trying to swallow the tears, but she hadn’t fooled him. He knew his momma. She would do anything not to upset him, but inside she was broken.  
  
She was ashamed.  
  
 _Of him._  
  
And he couldn’t help feeling the guilt weighing heavily on his shoulders.  
  
 _He’s to blame for his mother feeling ashamed._  
  
It’s not the first time he’s felt guilty -- it’s more his default feeling now -- but never before has it felt so huge. A picture, a website. He never meant for it to reach back home, for them to ever see.  
  
He moved away from Richardson for a reason. He even moved out of Texas. -- far away, as far as he could. He t hought that if he just went away, they would not be affected. He said it was because they had such a good art school here, but he knew they knew the truth; that he needed to get away from his family.  
  
Not because he hated them or because they hated him. But because he couldn’t be himself around them anymore. Not now. Not when  _who he is_  comes between them.  
  
He looks up at the sound of a child laughing. “Mom, Mom! Look, a puddle!” The child runs enthusiastically towards the puddle and the young mother tries to stop her.  
  
“No, don’t…”   
  
Too late. The young girl is already jumping in the puddle and the mother takes her by the arm and pulls her out.  
  
“I told you not to,” the mother says.  
  
“But I just wanted to…” the girl protests.   
  
He guesses she’s around four. She might be more; he’s not really good at guessing kids’ ages.  
  
“I know you did,” the mother says. “But you’re getting all wet before day care. What will they think if you show up all wet?”  
  
 _What will they think?_  
  
Jensen guesses that’s his dilemma. What will they think of his family if he’s not following the bible’s commandments? The minister’s son, a sinner.  
  
And they are all staring at them -- his family -- because of what he has done.  
  


 

*

  
  
Jared walks to class still thinking about the man he saw on the bench. He tries to stretch his neck as long as he can when he walks the path beneath the lake shore, but he’s just able to see the top of the hedge behind the benches. However, if the man had still been there, he would have seen the top of his head, wouldn’t he? He thinks so.  
  
Not that it matters much. He still doesn’t know his name, who he is or what he was doing there. But he takes up a lot of space in Jared’s concentration anyway.  
  
“What are you thinking about?” Pete asks.   
  
Jared continues walking with Pete to class.   
  
“Nothing,” Jared lies, deciding to not coming off as a lunatic. Linda isn’t as easily fooled and gives him a questioning look, but she knows better than to ask him when someone else is listening.  
  
They walk rest of the way in silence and breathe out in relief when they get into the warm lecture hall.  
  
Jared usually sits somewhere in the middle of the rows, while Linda sits in the back. He grabs his phone and sends off a text message before class starts.  
  
 _From: Jared  
To: Jeff  
  
Morning. Coffee is inhaled, I’m ready to start my day._  
  
He wishes he could tell his brother he has spotted the most beautiful man he has ever seen. But that’s one of the secrets he is keeping from him. His brother doesn’t believe the stories where Jared is being linked with every beautiful girl the media has caught him on film with, but he does believe he’s interested in girls.   
  
Honestly, he doesn’t know how Jeff would react if he told him he was interested in men. He doesn’t think Jeff would mind, but he would be worried. It would stir commotion.  
  
The Royal Family is rather popular at the moment. It always goes up and down, and they usually don’t care much. People will always have their own opinion and it’s healthy in a democracy that a large part of the population is opposed to the constitution. And if it came to a situation where the majority of the population wanted a president rather than a king, then they would be willing to step down. That has always been important to their family, that they are in this position because of their trust from the people. So they try to be as open as they can to the people. They talk with the press, invite them into their home now and then (to a certain extent), and willingly let themselves be photographed in exchange for the press respecting their privacy when they ask for it. It only works to a certain extent, but it’s better than being hunted day and night.  
  
It’s harder now than it was. These days, there are cameras everywhere. People have good cameras on their cell phones and they are not afraid to use them. They are more than willing to sell their pictures to gossip magazines like  _Se &Hør_, which, unless they comment on it themselves, will make up completely untrue stories of what is really happening.  
  
The Royal Palace’s policy is to always say “no comment.” They never comment on the Royal Family’s private life. But pictures are being distributed and rumors are being spread and Jared has been linked with one beautiful girl after another. He’s just lucky there haven’t been pictures of himself with a man yet. But then, he has really never been with a man. He hasn’t taken the chance.  
  
He sends the message just as the professor enters and he swiftly turns the phone off. He tries to keep in touch with his family daily, even if it’s just a random text message. It keeps him grounded.  


 

*

  
  
Jensen closes the door as carefully as he can, not wanting to wake up his housemates.  
  
“Where’ve you been?” a voice calls out from the kitchen.  
  
“Oh, hi. Didn’t see you there,” he says to Chris, leaning towards the kitchen counter holding a cup of coffee.  
  
“Obviously.” Chris stares at him, still expecting an answer. Chris has a tendency to act as a mother hen. Jensen and Steve have both pointed that out to him numerous times, but that never leads to anything good, so Jensen has learned to ignore it.   
  
“I’ve just been out.” Jensen shrugs it off.   
  
“All night?” Chris makes a point of looking at the watch.  
  
“You noticed?” Jensen is surprised. It is late enough in the morning that he could have been out for a cup of coffee already and just coming in. Chris had no way of knowing he actually hadn’t been in all night.   
  
“Yeah, I noticed! Fuck you, Jensen. I’ve been worried sick! It’s not like you just disappearing! You’ve been gone all night, and not a word!”  
  
Jensen feels the tension build up in him. Not that he minds his friend wondering where’s he been, but he just needs his space. Needs to be able to do what he wants without having to report to anyone.  
  
“Well, fuck you. I’m a grown man, I can do what I want!” The words are harsh and he doesn’t really mean for them to be spilled out like that, but he’s too tired to care right now, too wrapped up in his own head.   
  
 _He needs fucking space._  
  
“Just call, Jensen! Just let us know that you’ll be gone and it’s okay,” Chris tells him calmly, not letting himself be agitated by Jensen’s foul mood.  
  
“And you report in every fucking time you decide to sleep somewhere else?”  
  
“No, but…”  
  
“Exactly, so butt out. “  
  
He rushes past him and up the stairs to his room. He doesn’t bother about Chris calling his name from behind him or Steve opening his door wondering what the commotion is all about. All he cares about is locking himself in his room, leaving the world behind.  
  
 _Fuck the world anyway._  
  


 

*

  
  
The house is quiet when Jensen wakes up again. It’s past 5 pm, and he knows he has slept the day away. He hates the feeling of having just wasted a day, but there is nothing he can do about it now. He cannot take the hours back, he can just move on from here. He should have been to classes today, but there’s no way he would have stayed awake anyway. He thinks back to this morning, how he practically bit Chris’ head off, and feels ashamed.   
  
 _That’s not how his momma raised him._  
  
He owes Chris an apology, but he is not ready to admit why he’s in such foul mood.   
  
He knows Chris means well, but sometimes he just needs him to leave him alone. He needs the time and space to react, without being told how to feel and think. They’re his feelings, goddamn it, and if he can’t even own his own feelings, then what’s left to be in control of?  
  
Doesn’t mean he has the right to act like a bull though.   
  
He runs a shower and get dressed before heading to the kitchen to make a much needed cup of coffee. It doesn’t matter what time of day he wakes up, the first point on the agenda needs to be coffee.   
  
The cup Chris drank from is still standing on the counter. It speaks volumes about how their fight earlier had affected Chris. If there’s one thing Chris doesn’t do, it’s abandon a cup of coffee until it’s completely inhaled.   
  
Jensen knows that being his friend through all this takes its toll on Chris as well, and he hates that he’s the reason for his friend being worried and frustrated. He hates how everywhere he goes, he seems to hurt people. It’s not like he wants to, but he can’t contain all his feelings all the time, and somehow, he seems to drag his friends down with him.  
  
He pads over to the coffee maker to pour out the old tar that’s left in the pot. He rinses it under running water and fills up to the brim. He knows the boys will be home soon, so he can just as well make a full pot. He reaches to the top of the shelf to take down the tin where they store the coffee but finds it empty. He curses loudly before finding his shoes and jacket and sets his direction towards the Coffee Grounds. Being out of coffee is simply no option.  


 

*

  
  
It’s almost 6 pm before Jared enters the coffee house for the second time that day. Linda has finally gone home for a well-deserved rest, but Kurt-Arne accompanies him to the second cup of his new addiction. The officer takes a stand by the window while Jared walks up to the cashier and orders his drink. He doesn’t really have to say his order any more, since he is in here at least twice a day to order exactly the same thing, but he says the words anyway.  
  
“One espresso, please.”  
  
“One espresso coming up.”  
  
He’s on his way to the only free table when the bell above the door chimes and in walks the man from the bench. He looks less frozen now and even less sad.  
  
“Good,” Jared thinks and follows him with his eyes as he orders a tall coffee latte. When handed the cup, the man looks around but can’t find anywhere to sit.  
  
“There’s a free seat over here,” Jared tells him, just loud enough to be heard, before he loses his nerve.  
  
“Thanks,” the man says and walks over. He’s wearing a leather jacket and blue jeans, and when he sits down Jared can see that the brown jacket enhances the green in his eyes.   
  
His eyes are very green. They’re mesmerizing.   
  
They smile at each other but neither one comes up with anything to say. Jared wants to ask how he’s doing and if he feels better than this morning, but knows that revealing that he saw him and noticed him not only might come off as stalkerish, but would also be embarrassing for this man.   
  
He’s starting to doubt his decision about waving him over.  
  
“Jared,” he says and stretches out his hand.  
  
“Jensen,” the man says, and takes his hand in a firm grip.  
  
“Jensen?” Jared blurts out before he can think and clams up immediately.   
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“No, nothing. Just…”  
  
“What?”   
  
“Nah, it’s just. Unusual name. I mean, as a first name.” God he has to stop blurting things out. How many times had Grandpa scolded him for opening his mouth one time too many. Grandpa didn’t put him in his place too often, but when he did, it was usually because Jared hadn’t managed to keep his mouth shut and blurted out improper things at the wrong time.   
  
“Yeah, I guess.” Jensen seems a little taken aback.  
  
“Sorry. I’m Norwegian, and in Norway that’s a very common last name. It means son of Jens, but you probably know that. I am just surprised, I guess. Sorry. You know what? I’ll just shut up now.”  
  
“Nah, that’s okay. And yeah. I’ve heard it before, only from a Danish girl.”  
  
“Yeah, Danes use it as well.” Jared takes a sip of his coffee, “So, any reason why you have a Scandinavian name?” At least it gave him an opening to start a conversation.  
“No Scandinavian relatives or anything,” Jensen answers, “ My parents just thought it would be cool. It wasn’t so cool when kids called me Jenny in school though.”  
  
“Jenny?” Jared throws his head back and laughs, feeling the tension of the day slip away. Never had he thought of the solemn man on the bench as Jenny.  
  
“Jeeze, thank you.” Jensen looks at him with a mock hurt expression on his face.  
  
“Oh, come on. You’ve got to admit that’s kind of funny.”  
  
“Not any more funny than I’m willing to kill whoever calls me that.”  
  
“Okay, okay, I’ll behave.” Jared lifts his hands in surrender, and notices that Kurt-Arne stands up to walk over. He gives him a discreet shake of his head to tell him there’s no danger.  
  
After the icebreaking they end up talking for well over an hour. They both buy another coffee and dive into discussions about films and music. They discover that they have the same taste in music and videogames, and they even have similar views in politics.  
  
They are discussing fighting poverty and AIDS and solving all world’s problems like most others do in good company, but of course without Jared letting on that he’s actually attended AIDS and Poverty congregations in his capacity as UNDP goodwill ambassador. Or that he is an active member of Young Global Leaders. These are the things he most appreciates about his capacity as Prince, that he has access to positions where he can make a change. Today he isn’t very active, but that is the very reason why he has chosen this line of studies. He wants to take hold of the opportunities he’s been given and make something good out of it. To do that, he needs to educate himself. Being a prince might limit his privacy, but it widens his horizons in ways that he could never have accomplished had he been just Jared Tristan.  
  
It isn’t until Jared’s stomach rumbles loudly that they realize how long they’ve been there. Many of the tables are free by now, and Kurt-Arne has sat down at a nearby table, reading a newspaper and nursing a cup of coffee. If Jensen finds it weird that a man is sitting there alone for as long as they are, he’s not mentioning it.  


 

*

  
  
Jensen picks up a bag of Coffee Grounds’ finest blend before he heads home. He tucks it in his pocket and heads out the door and into the rain. It wasn’t raining when he left home, so he isn’t dressed for it, but luckily it’s just a ten minute walk. He expects the boys to be there when he gets home and hopefully, there is some food in the fridge. There is just so long one can survive on coffee alone.  
  
It’s like déjà vu when he closes the door and sees Chris at the kitchen again. He’s not leaning against the counter though, but rather banging through all the cabinets, and Jensen is fairly sure what he’s looking for.  
  
“Looking for something like this?” Jensen says and pulls out the bag of coffee.  
  
“Oh, life saver,” Chris says and grabs the bag with both hands. “Coffee Grounds’ special blend, huh? That’s expensive. I’ll pay you back,” he says before filling up the filter with the newly churned coffee beans.   
  
“No, it’s for you,” Jensen says.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Peace offering?”  
  
“Okay?” Chris phrases it as a question even though Jensen knows he knows what he’s talking about.  
  
“I just want to apologize for biting your head off. It was totally uncalled for.”  
  
“Apology accepted,” Chris says. He’s easy like that, doesn’t ask for explanations.  
  
“Is it your parents again?” he suddenly asks. Maybe not so easy after all. “What did they say this time to make you feel like crap?”  
  
“Chris!” Jensen starts to regret giving him the coffee.  
  
“What? They hurt you, Jensen, time and time again. If they can’t see that you…”   
  
“Stop it!”  
  
“No, I won’t…”  
  
“Yes, you will.” Jensen walks up to him, stopping just an inch from his face. “Don’t you dare talk about them like that. They are my parents! Do you get that? They are my parents and I love them. When you talk bad about them, you hurt me.  _You_  hurt me, not them! I don’t like that. They are not perfect, but goddamn it, they are trying their best. I can’t deny that I hate this situation, but don’t blame it on them. They are really trying. So shut up. If you care about me in the least, you just shut up!”  
  
Chris opens his mouth, but not a sound comes out. He nods, then mumbles, “Okay.”  
  
Jensen steps back, finds two coffee cups, gives one to Chris and holds out the other for him to fill up. “Now let’s drink this expensive coffee.”


	3. Chapter 3

PART TWO  
  
“Par-tay!” Chad hollers as soon as he’s inside the door, dropping his bag exactly where he stands. He slams the door shut, nearly taking the wall with him.  
  
“Great,” Jared answers and eyes the bag with a frown that Chad overlooks. It’s become their daily routine. Chad makes a mess, Jared cleans it up.  
  
“Great.” Chad climbs over his own bag and heads for his bed and slumps down. “I said there’s a party, my friend!”  
  
“Good for you,” Jared says and stands up to move Chad’s bag. He would go crazy seeing it in the middle of the floor.  
  
“Dude, what did you do that for?” Chad squeaks. (He really did.)  
  
“Dunno. Just annoys me to see it thrown down on the floor like that.”  
  
“Dude, you’re gonna be annoyed a lot.”  
  
“Yeah,” Jared sighs and turns his attention back to his books. He has a tough semester and wants to get as much reading in as early as possible. There are a couple of tests coming up and he has one assignment due to five days.  
  
“Dude!” Chad yells.  
  
“Dude, what?” Jared is seriously annoyed now.  
  
“I was talking to you.”  
  
“You were?”  
  
“Yeah, I was. I said there‘s a party.”  
  
“And I said good for you.”  
  
“Dude!”  
  
“What’s with the ‘dude’ all the time?”  
  
“Are you slow or something?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Oh my god, you are!” Chad’s been sharing a room with him for weeks now, and should know that he’s in fact not slow, but with Chad you never now.   
  
“What?”  
  
“Next Friday. Party. You’re coming, right?” Chad talks very slowly, very loudly and makes hand gestures that Jared assumes are meant to look like ASL.  
  
“Oh, that…” Jared drags out the words. “I’ll see, okay?”  
  
“Seriously, you’re not too busy for a party, are you?”  
  
“No it’s not that, it’s just…..” Jared gets up and opens the door. “Hang on a second, okay?”  
  
Jared crosses the hall and walks into the room occupied by his security guards.   
  
After consulting with the bodyguards for a few minutes, Jared enters the room again. Chad gives him a look that says he still thinks Jared is slow.  
  
“So?” Chad says.  
  
“So,” Jared apes. He sits down on his bed facing Chad. “I have something to tell you.” He takes a deep breath, bracing himself for the news he has to break.  
  
“Okay?” Chad looks curious now, and a bit worried. Like he thinks there really is something seriously wrong with Jared.  
  
“You know those people in the room across the hall?”  
  
“Yup. The weird ones.”  
  
“Weird?”  
  
“Seriously! They sit with the door open all the time, and stare at everyone walking by. And when they speak, they speak some kind of weird language.”  
  
“Uh, Chad?”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Haven’t you noticed that some of those people sitting there are the same people you met when we carried my stuff into this room?”  
  
“Really?”  
  
“Really!”  
  
“Oh…”  
  
“Yeah, that weird language would be Norwegian… again.”  
  
“Oh…”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“So they’re friends of yours? Are you part of some weird cult or something? Are you going to murder me in my sleep and drink my blood?”  
  
“Seriously Chad, stop watching horror movies.”  
  
“Well, are you?”  
  
“No, I’m not part of a cult. But they are here because of me.” Jared doesn’t know how to say this without Chad either getting mad at him or laughing at him, so he just jumps into it. “They are my bodyguards.”  
  
“Say what?”  
  
“My bodyguards.”  
  
“That’s what I thought you said. Have you gone mental? Why would you need that?”  
  
“Because in Norway I’m… well, I am. I’m kind of a prince.”  
  
“You’re  _kind of_  a prince?”  
  
“No, I mean, I  _am_  a prince.”  
  
“Yeah, right.”  
  
“No, really. I am. I’m the youngest son… well, the middle child of the King and Queen of Norway.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
“Yes, really.”  
  
“So… you’re gonna be king one day?”  
  
“No, that’s my brother.”  
  
“So what will you be?”  
  
“Still prince.”  
  
“So, you are Prince Jared?” He tries the name carefully, and still looks like he doesn’t really believe him.  
  
“Yes. My full title is His Royal Highness Prince Jared Tristan of Norway. Look.” Jared drags his chair over to the desk where his laptop is. He opens the website for the royal Palace and shows him his portrait. “I’d like to be just Jared here though. No one knows me here, knows who I am I mean, and I’d like to keep it that way.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“Which means that I need your help with covering the fact that I bring my bodyguards to a party.”  
  
“Ah.. okay. I can do that.”  
  
“Thanks.”  
  
“So I can’t tell anyone that I’m sharing a room with a prince?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Damn.”  
  
“Please.” Jared is pleading now. “It really means a lot to me that no one knows who I am.”  
  
“Dude. I might be a douche, but I’m not a total jerk. I won’t tell anyone.”  
  
“Thanks.”  
  
“Wow. So you’re really a prince?”  
  
“Yeah.”   
  
“You look so serious,” Chad comments, still looking at Jared‘s photo, but doesn’t say more than that.  
  
  


*

  
  
  
Jared and Chad arrive late to the party. They had trouble finding the place, mainly because Chad hadn’t been exactly accurate about writing down the address correctly. But they arrive at last, and bring with them friends. At least, that’s what they tell everyone that asks.   
  
The party is well on its way when they reach the door. The music hits them even before they set a foot inside. They are met by a man about Jared’s height that Jared understand must be Chad‘s friend Tom. He greets them and slams a hand on Chad’s back.  
  
“Chad, man, good to see you. See you brought friends. Come on in.” He waves them inside and tells them to make themselves at home. The room is crowded and the air is warm and stale.   
  
Jared looks around the sea of people and spots only a couple of people he has seen before. He can pick out a couple of girls from his international politics class, and he thinks he remembers their names: Kirsty and Jenna, if he’s not mistaken. He might be though. He hasn’t really spoken to them, and though he tries to be good at remembering names and faces in his official profession, he has to admit that he succeeds most of the time because of his assistantdiscreet reminders.   
  
The advantage of being this tall is that he can see over everyone’s heads, and he could clearly spot the table with the keg at the back of the room. “Over there,” he says to Chad and drags him along. They bump into a few people on the way, and he apologizes every second step he takes, but eventually he stands next to the beer. He picks up a couple of plastic cups and fills them up to the brim. His bodyguards stay close but not in earshot. They sweep the room with their eyes, but move to stand with their backs towards the wall, where they look like they’re talking while keeping an eye on the room.   
  
The beer is lukewarm at best and doesn’t taste like much. Jared assumes it’s cheap and the best students can afford. He empties his cup and fill it up again.   
  
“Wanna head out?” he says, only to turn around and realize that Chad has already disappeared. “Oh, well. Guess I’ll head out alone then,” he says to himself and moves towards the open back door.  
  
When he steps out he finds himself in a fenced-in back yard. The air is crisp and really too cold to be standing outside without more clothes on, but the room felt too crowded. There are a few people sitting around a table in the middle of the lawn, but other than that it’s mostly deserted. He leans against the railing of the back porch looking out on the dark sky. He thinks that if there hadn’t been so much light from the surrounding houses and streets, he would be able to see stars. Now he can only spot a few dim light spots if he really concentrates on finding them. He takes a deep breath of fresh air and closes his eyes.   
  
It feels good being here, drinking lukewarm beer and freezing because he’s stepped out to avoid the crowd that fills the house to the brim.  
  
“Hiding out here?”  
  
The voice surprises him, and he doesn’t recognize it at first. Then it suddenly hits him: Jensen. He turns his head, and just as he thought, there he is, standing just outside the door holding two sweating bottles of beer.  
  
“Hi. Yeah, it was crowded inside.”  
  
“Yeah, it is.” Jensen nods and takes a step towards him. “Here, I thought you could use some cold beer instead of that lukewarm piss.”  
  
“Thanks.” Jared accepts the bottle and takes a swig from it. “How did you know I was out here?”  
  
Jensen shakes his head like he denies he knew, but tells him at the same time that he saw him from the kitchen window. “Thought it was you,” he says, “Aren’t many guys that tall walking around.”  
  
“Nah, you’ve got that right.”  
  
“Thought I’d come save you from that dreadful thing,” he says, pointing at the now abandoned plastic cup at the railing.  
  
“Yeah, not the best thing I’ve tasted.”  
  
They drink in silence for a couple of minutes, bobbing their heads to the music from inside. The door is closed, so it’s mainly the bass coming through, but Jared still thinks he can recognize “Black” through the distorted sound picture. He starts humming the lyrics, painfully out of tune, and probably with just half the words correct.   
  
“ _I’m minding my own business. I ain’t doing nothing wrong._ ” Jared raises his voice a bit and smiles at Jensen. Jensen laughs under his breath and takes another swig of his beer, but his eyes never leave Jared’s face.  
  
“So you like Sevendust?” Jensen asks.  
  
“You know this song?” Jared asks.  
  
“Yeah, it’s good,” Jensen says but leaves it with that.  
  
“So how did you know where to find this beer anyway?” Jared lifts his bottle, now close to empty.  
  
“It’s mine. I live here.”  
  
“Really? So you’re Tom’s friend?”  
  
“Yeah.” He nods. “How do you know him anyway?”  
  
“I don’t. It’s my roommate, Chad. I’m just tagging along.”  
  
“I’m glad you did.”  
  
“Yeah, me too.”  
  
Jensen smiles again and moves a bit closer. He’s about to say something when the door opens and Linda steps out. The music more than doubles in volume, letting more of the lyrics stream out.   
  
“Oh, there you are. I’ve been looking for you.” There is mild accusation in her voice, and Jared can’t help feeling a bit guilty for sneaking out. She’s in charge of his safety after all, and he did go missing on her. “You could have told me you went out here.”  
  
“Yeah, sorry.” He has the decency to look ashamed.  
  
“Okay.” She takes a look around, looks at the fenced-in garden and what little crowd there is, and apparently judges it safe for Jared.  
  
“I’ll be just inside then.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
She goes back inside, and Jared turns to Jensen once again. “So, where were we?”  
  
“I don’t know,” Jensen says. He has moved back to where he stood before, peeling the label off his bottle. “I better go inside, make sure no one tears the house apart.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“It was nice seeing you again, Jared.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Okay, then…” Jensen points towards the door and starts leaving.  
  
“Hey, Jensen.” Jared stands up to his full height and takes a step towards him.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Thanks for the beer.”  
  
“You’re welcome.”  
  
“Maybe we could, you know, hang out sometime? Be friends?”  
  
Jensen seems to hesitate, but only for a moment, before he pulls out his phone. “Let’s get your number,” he says and starts typing.  
  


*

  
  
  
Jensen is the one to make the first phone call, but Jared is the first to make the first text. Actually, he texts even before he leaves the party, complaining that there was no more cold beer left. He’d had plenty of beer though, so there was no need to complain. He also was less than steady on his feet when walking home.  
  
“Åh, jeg kommer til å være så dårli’ i morra!” he mumbles as he leans hard on Chad, indicating that ‘we will be sick in the morning.’   
  
“Dude, speak English,” Chad snaps at him.  
  
“Sorry” is all Jared can say, but he doesn’t repeat what he said in Norwegian.  
  
The walk takes about twice as long as it normally would, and Linda and Petter have to point them in the right direction more than once.  
  
“Why don’t you help us home?” Jared asks them, glaring at Petter.  
  
“Hey, I’m your bodyguard, not your mom” is the only answer. And he knows, they usually don’t interfere much, just kind of hover.  
  
Jared feels like he has just laid his head on the pillow when his phone starts to ring. He hides it under his pillow and continues sleeping. It isn’t until hours later that he finally wakes up to find that he has an unanswered call from Jensen.  
  
He groans and wonders what kind of guy he is for calling anyone at 10 am the morning after a party.  
  
He throws his phone on the bedside table and goes to take a piss and possibly a shower. If he’s up to standing that long, that is.   
  
He basically spaces out in front of the toilet and comes back when Chad stumbles into the bathroom.  
  
“Hey, busy here,” Jared says, and tucks himself up.  
  
“You’re finished now,” Chad says and almost pushes him away to get to take a piss. He pees for a long time before giving his penis a good shake by actually lifting his whole body up and down on his toes. Jared can’t help but stare at the insane ritual and visibly shakes his head at what he sees.  
  
That’s when Chad turns around and looks at him.  
  
“What? Did you just check me out?”  
  
“What?” Jared frantically shakes his head. “No way, man!”  
  
“Good!”  
  


*

  
  
It’s not untiltwo hours later, when Chad is out of the room and Jared’s head is hurting a little bit less, that he finally calls Jensen.  
  
“’ello?” Jensen answers.  
  
“Hi, it’s Jared,” Jared says.  
  
“I know,” Jensen laughs. “There’s such a thing called caller ID.”  
  
“Yeah, I guess.”  
  
There is silence and Jared starts to think it was a mistake calling.  
  
“You called me earlier,” he finally says.  
  
“Yeah.” Jensen drags out the word and it sounds like he’s walking. There’s a lot of talking in the background and he can hear a door close and there’s silence. “Sorry about that. Just had to get out of the room. Ccouldn’t really hear you in there.”  
  
“That’s okay. Where are you anyway?”  
  
“At the coffee house. We’ve been to an exhibition. That’s why I called you earlier. Thought maybe you’d like to come?”  
  
“Oh. Right. Yeah, I was sleeping.”  
  
“I figured.”  
  
“What kind of exhibition?”  
  
“Some photographer having his first show. There are a lot of pictures of people sitting on benches.”  
  
“So it’s no good then?”  
  
“Nah, there are a few good ones in there.”  
  
“Sorry I couldn’t come. Maybe another time.”  
  
“Don’t worry, there will be plenty of opportunities.”  
  
Jared has to attend plenty of them himself, being the one to cut the ribbon at the openings. As a young boy he used to hate it. He has grown to appreciate art more though, and he can actually enjoy it now and then. He doesn’t mind sleeping in instead , but that doesn’t mean he will pass up every opportunity to attend an exhibition with a friend.  
  
“You often go to these things?”  
  
“Yeah, I’m a grad student in Visual Arts, remember? Trying to see what’s out there and training to lie and tell my friends how much I love their work when it’s really a piece of shit.”  
  
Lying about how much he loves it; that’s something Jared knows how to do well. “Hehe, yeah. So do you ever show your own stuff?”  
  
“No, I‘m getting my Masters in Art Therapy. My focus is really more on therapy than making art on my own at the moment. But you never know. One day maybe?”  
  
“That’s cool.”  
  
“I think so. But of course, being a grad student at a school for visual arts means that you end up with a lot of artist friends. Going to exhibitions is kind of mandatory to hang on to said friends .”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
They talk for a while more before they say their goodbyes after agreeing to meet up tomorrow at the same coffee house that seems to be a favorite of both of them. 

  
*

  
They fall into the habit of meeting up at least twice a week to share a cup of coffee and shooting shit. The coffee house,  _Coffee Grounds_ , is a good place for Jared to meet up. It’s small and openly spaced, and it’s not a problem for one of the bodyguards to walk in and sit down at one of the seats by the window to have a cup of coffee and keep an eye out for Jared while he and Jensen occupy what has turned into their regular table at the back.   
  
The table is partly secluded and gives them an illusion of privacy, and Jared loves how he can sit with his back against the wall and look out on the room through a big fake plant, people watching. The coffee house is regularly visited by students as it is located just at the outskirts of campus. Not only do they have the best coffee in town, but they also have a good price that holds up in competition to the chain stores.  
  
Jared thought he would be addicted to Starbucks coffee for sure when he first moved here. Being used to inhaling coffee from  _Kaffebrenneriet_  from home, he knew that caffeine was an addiction for him, and one of the first things he did when he arrived was scope out the area for the closest Starbucks. He stumbled upon this store first though, and loved it at first taste.  
  


*

  
  
They are almost half way through the semester, and winter is well on its way. It’s getting darker outside and the air is colder. The ground is mostly covered with a thin layer of ice in the morning, and tiny needles of ice clutch at every moist surface. There is an anticipation of snow in the air, and Jensen think it’s about time to dig out his winter jacket. He’s not too fond of winter, being from Texas and all. He’s been living here for a quite a few years and is getting used to it, but this first period of frost is always the worst, when his body hasn’t gotten used to such low temperatures yet, and the air is chilly even though the sun is up. He almost prefers the drier cold later on in the winter, when the temperature has dropped to ten below, but his body has adapted to winter.   
  
It’s a Thursday night in November when Jensen arrives before Jared. He orders a coffee and sits down at their regular table. They have been meeting up here for weeks now, and if he hadn’t known better, he would have thought they were dating. They are talking and having fun, and Jared is so easy to talk to. There is something about him that makes Jensen open up more than he usually does, like Jared doesn’t assume anything about him but is genuinely interested in him as a person. Meeting up with Jared is definitely one of the highlights of Jensen’s week. In addition to meeting up here, they have actually been to an exhibition (paintings this time) that Jensen had to attend and a couple of times, Jared has tagged along when Chad has come to their house to hang out with Tom. Jensen likes their meetings at the coffee house better though, because for some reason, Jared’s girl Linda tend to tag along everywhere else. Jensen knows it’s petty of him, but he kind of prefers having Jared to himself.  
  
Jensen has come to think of Jared as one of his best friends by now. Funny to think of though, since they’ve known each other only a couple of months, but they hit it off immediately, and seem to have so much in common. Their views on life are compatible. They do not always agree on everything, but they both love a good conversation and can be lost in discussions that draw them in for hours. Both of them are willing to change their opinion if the other one has a valid point, and both of them are willing to admit it.  
  
The best thing though is that they have so many favorite bands in common. Bands that Jensen loves but that aren’t mainstream. And now Jared has broadened Jensen’s horizon by introducing him to Norwegian bands as well.  
  
Jensen has introduced Jared to Kane, and last week Jared accompanied him to a Kane concert, along with Chad, Tom, Mike, Linda and a couple of Norwegian friends of Jared's. Jensen could see that Jared truly liked Chris and Steve’s music, and he feels that for every day that passes, Jared is becoming a more and more integrated part of not only Jensen’s life, but his close knit group of friends.  
  
He’s half way through his cup by the time Jared arrives, and he waits for him to place his order and come sit down. They get into their game of playful banter and talk about what they have done at school and what kind of trouble their friends have gotten into.  
  


*

  
  
“I swear, one day Chad will go too far and really piss someone off.” Jared laughs at the latest antics of his roommate.  
  
“I can’t believe you live with him.” Jensen dries a lone tear that has started to roll down his chin from when he was laughing.   
  
“He’s not that bad,” Jared says, but they look at each other and say simultaneously, “Yes he is!”  
  
Chad has become a constant joke between them.  
  
“Oh my god, I can’t believe I have forgotten to tell you.” Jared has just about gotten his breath back after the last round of laughter.  
  
“What?”  
  
“The way Chad kind of bounces when he’s taking a piss.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Afterwards, you know, when he wants to shake off whatever’s left. He kind of shakes his whole body instead of just his… you know!”  
  
“And you know this, how?” Jensen laughs.  
  
“Ah, he doesn’t always have the stamina to wait until I’m out of there before he has to use the bathroom. I swear, the first time I was just staring and he accused me of checking him out.”  
  
Jensen’s laughter dies, but he keeps a smile on his face, just to keep up appearances.  
  
“And were you?” he carefully asks, not knowing what he hopes to hear.  
  
“Dude, no.” Jared grimaces in disgust, like it’s the worst suggestion he has ever heard. Jensen's stomach drops, and he finds it hard to swallow the lump that suddenly appears in his throat. His good mood is long gone.  
  
“Would that be…” Jensen doesn’t finish. He feels uncomfortable and starts stumbling in his words, not really sure what he’s asking. Jared doesn’t appear to be a homophobe, but then they have never really talked about it.   
  
“Jensen, what?” Jared asks him. He looks worried now, obviously sensing the discomfort Jensen’s in.  
  
“You know I am gay, right?” Jensen looks at him, willing himself not to look away. Damn it, he won’t be a coward about this. He has fought too hard, lost too much to not stand up for himself. Not even Jared is worth turning his back on that.  
  
“What?” Jared looks at him like he doesn’t know what he is saying. Like he’s saying something so unheard of that he can’t believe his own ears.  
  
“I’m gay.” He’s saying it loud and clear, not leaving room for any misunderstandings.  
  
“No, I didn’t know that,” Jared says softly  
  
“So…” Jensen waits for the impact. “You have a problem with that?” he asks, still staring at Jared, willing him to answer him honestly. If this is the end of their friendship, he at least wants to have a clean break so that he can walk out of here with his head held high knowing that he didn’t bend to narrow mindedness.  
  
“Why?” Jared’s eyes widen in shock, then he sees a flash of something Jensen thinks might be hurt. “No, of course I don’t have a problem with that.” The hurt is definitely present in his eyes. “I would never have a problem with that.” Jared looks sincere and shocked that Jensen could think such a thing. “Why would you think that?”  
  
Jensen looks at him, bewildered. “Because the thought of checking out another guy seemed to disgust you?” Jensen can make neither heads nor tails of this. He has obviously hurt Jared by accusing him of being a homophobe.  
  
“Dude.” Jared’s mouth drops, but the smile is back on his lips. “We’re talking about Chad here. Of course it disgusts me!”  
  
“Yeah.” Jensen laughs relieved. “Of course it does.”  
  
“Wow, so…”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“But you’re out?”  
  
“Yeah. Just not…” Jensen chews on the words. “...very loud about it.”  
  
“Nah, I understand. I haven’t even told my parents yet.”  
  
Jensen can practically feel his eyes pop at this revelation. “You’re gay too?”  
  
“Guess I am,” Jared says. Jensen can hear his voice tremble when he tells him, like he’s scared of admitting it, even after Jensen has just come out to him.   
  
“But in the closet?”  
  
“Definitely in the closet.” Jared nods. “You’re one of the very few that knows.”  
  
“What about Linda?” Jensen asks, not being able to fit her into the puzzle anymore.  
  
“What about her?” Jared asks.  
  
“Your girlfriend?”  
  
“No.” Jared smiles. “My friend, and a girl, but not girlfriend. And the only one that knows about me, besides you.”  
  
“Ah, okay. I see that. Sorry for…” Jensen makes a gesture with his hand that’s meant to represent the entire conversation that has taken place. It seems pretty silly now that he would accuse Jared of being a homophobe after all he’s just heard.  
  
“Don’t worry about it. I understand.”  
  
“But you’re...” Jensen doesn’t know how to word it without adding insult to injury. “I didn’t mean to insinuate that you’re a homophobe or anything.”  
  
“I know. And yeah, it hurt a bit that you could think that of me, no matter what, but I understand the fear of how people will react, so don’t even think about it.”  
  
“It wouldn’t be like you, which I guess is why I got so defensive. I think it would hurt even more if you were, because it would be so much more disappointing. It would be so different from the person I’ve gotten to know.”  
  
“Did you… How did?” Jared can’t seem to get the words out.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Are your parents okay with it?” He doesn’t look at Jensen when he asks. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. It’s really none of my business.”  
  
“Nah, that’s okay. I don’t mind.” Jensen thinks that he wants Jared to know the whole story. “They’re not really okay with it, but they are trying.”  
  
 _Jensen looks at his mother, but has to turn away before he starts to cry. He can see tears in her eyes, but she is biting her lip and doesn’t let them fall. He doesn’t know what would be worse: watching her cry openly, in an effort to show him how much this affects her, or watching her doing everything she can to hide how much pain this is causing her, to protect him from seeing how much he is hurting her. He thinks watching her cry on the inside is the worst. He wants to wrap her up in his arms and promise her that everything will be fine, but he can’t, because that won’t be possible without him losing control himself.  
  
He can’t fight this and he definitely can’t face it at the moment, so he turns away, trying to pretend it isn’t happening.  
  
Ignorance is bliss.  
  
He focuses on his father’s voice, focuses on the words that are cutting through his soul more efficiently than a butcher’s knife.  
  
“We love you son, we always will. This won’t change that.”  
  
He has never doubted his parents’ love. They have never given him any reason to. Their capacity to love is greater than what he can grasp with his intellect. That’s something they have proven time and again. They have a capacity to love and forgive, to embrace and to nurture.   
  
It would almost be easier if they could hate him.  
  
They are the ones that have nurtured him and encouraged him to become who he is. Their job has never been to mold him to who they want him to be, but to help him realize his full potential. And he thinks maybe because of this, he has developed an inner drive to become who he thinks they wanted him to be. He wanted to be the best he ever could for them, because they have never forced him to be anyone other than who he is.   
  
He’s sure Dad never saw the potential in cheerleading, but he didn’t put his foot down. He was okay with it. He wasn’t scared of being disowned by his parents when he purposely left gay pictures out in the open in his room, where he knew his parents would find them, he was only scared of how much he would hurt them. Yet he knew that they would want him to be honest with them. He just didn’t know how to bring it up. So he did it the cowardly way: he made sure his dad would be the one to bring it up.  
  
He has to hand it to his dad though -- he doesn’t back off from a difficult conversation. The minute he saw the pictures, he gathered his family and brought it up right away, even though he must have dreaded the conversation. He demanded to know what this was all about, and even though Jensen could see it nearly killed him, his dad kept calm and let Jensen talk.  
  
He could have taken the easy way out, pretended not to have seen it, but he didn’t. He faced it head on, and he has to respect him for that.  
  
“I’m gay,” Jensen said and kept it at that. What more was there to say anyway?  
  
“And you are sure it’s not a phase?” There was a desperate hope in his dad’s voice.  
  
“I’m sure.” Jensen could hear his mom gasp, but though her hands were trembling, she didn’t let her tears fall.  
  
He kept looking at the frays in his jeans, not strong enough to look at his parents. Not that he felt ashamed. He didn’t. He doesn’t think he has anything to be ashamed of. But he has grown up learning that homosexuality is a sin. Not that he has ever heard his parents ever say it in so many words, but it’s just in their values. He knows. Marriage is between a man and a woman, and sexual activity belongs to the marriage.  
  
He has always known that. That’s why he was so confused when he first started having sexual thoughts about boys, because it just could not be.  
  
For years he tried telling himself that it was just part of growing up. That everyone had thoughts like this. That it was just a hormonal boy’s confused mind. Because he could not be gay, could he?   
  
Maybe God was testing him?  
  
Maybe he was to prove he could withstand temptations.   
  
But the temptations seemed so real, so right. And how could God, GOD of all, create him like this, in his image, if he weren’t mean to be like this?   
  
The bible says, “But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good.”(1 Thessalonians 5:21) So that was what he did. He examined his own feelings, he tried them out, and what was good. What felt right was being true to himself, so that’s what he decided to be.   
  
“It’s no phase. I am gay.” He finally looked at his parents. Had to have them know that he had made up his mind, that he would not change.  
  
Being Christian is not a choice for them. They are Christian, it‘s not something they can rip out of their hearts. God doesn’t stop to existing for them, even if they decide to turn their back to him. It’s not a hobby, it’s not a pasttime, it’s who they are. They believe to the core of their souls. They believe in Heaven, and they believe in Hell.  
  
And they believe in a living almighty God that condemns sin.  
  
They know that those who sin go to Hell. They know that if what he tells them is true, they have lost their son for eternity. There is no greater grief for them, and yet he cannot make the change. He is who he is, and he blames God for that._  
  
“They’re doing their best,” Jensen is telling him and stands up to get another cup of coffee.


	4. Chapter 4

PART THREE   
  
“You’ve got to tell him, Jared,” Kurt Arne, the head security guard tells Jared, and it doesn’t sound like a request.  
  
They have been talking about telling Jared’s friends the truth, especially Jensen, since they spend so much time together. It’s getting harder and harder hiding security from him while still providing the level of security Jared needs.  
  
“I know, but I don’t want to,” Jared protests.  
  
“And you know the world doesn’t work that way.” Unfortunately Jared knows. One thing Jared knows is that he will always have security around, and he has no choice in the matter. And another thing he knows is that security is priority one, way above his own dreams of being incognito.  
  
And Kurt-Arne is right of course. It’s just a matter of time before Jensen will wonder why the same group of people always hangs around when they are meeting up.   
  
“I know. Just, not right away, okay?”  
  
“We can wait a little while more, but if I judge it to be unsafe, you will tell him,” Kurt-Arne says, and he doesn’t leave any doubt that he’s serious.  
  
If Kurt-Arne and the rest of the security team had had their way, all Jared’s friends would be informed and be background checked. That would have made everything easier for them, as they wouldn’t have had to be in the room with Jared as long as he was only with cleared people. It would have been sufficient for them to stand outside the house when he visited Jensen’s house, instead of having one of them come in with him.   
  
Chad makes it all easier. He is very helpful with covering it up, and often plays the part of being the one that presumably invites Jared’s bodyguards over. Jared suspects he gets a thrill out of being part of this game. Luckily for Jared, Linda is more than happy to come with him to the townhouse where Jensen lives, even if it’s not her shift. Jared has no illusion it’s because of him, even though he does consider her a friend, but suspects it is because she has a crush on Mike.   
  
As far as Jared knows, Mike also has a crush on her.  
  
Of course, doing anything about it is impossible as long as she too has to lie about who she is and why she’s there, so that’s yet another reason why Jared should just come clean. Linda is now paying for his little taste of anonymity.  
  
Jared enjoys the freedom that comes with being anonymous far too much. It’s not only the fact that no one recognizes him on the street, but also that his friends speak more openly to him. He has good friends back in Norway that couldn’t give a rat’s ass about who he is, but they are mostly friends he’s known since he was a kid. He discovered that as a student at the university in Oslo, no one really dared to sit down next to him at lunch or in the lecture. He became the student that no one really dared to befriend.  
  
He would approach them of course, but it would take a while before they started to approach him back. He truly enjoys the feeling of not intimidating people, because he really feels he’s not someone to be intimidated by. He just happens to have a father that is King, but even Kings and their family are normal people deep inside. There really is no such thing as blue blood.  
  
  


*

  
  
“Will you be going home for Thanksgiving this year?”Chris asks from the depth of the sofa. He has slumped down after being up late last night. Kane, the band he has with Steve, is getting more and more gigs, and it’s starting to take more time and effort. They are good though, and they really love playing, so giving their all to the music is something they really should do. Jensen knows that if there’s ever a choice between their studies and their music, music will win.  
  
“Yeah,” Jensen answers rather unenthusiastically. It’s not so much that he doesn’t want to go home as much as he doesn‘t look forward to facing his parents. Which probably actually does means that he really doesn’t want to go home.   
  
He loves his family, but it’s so difficult. They try their best, they do. But he can only see the shadow of the light that used to shine in his mother’s eyes when she looks at him. He can see the new lines in her face, the way their neighbors are looking at not only him, but their entire family when they go to church. He wants to tell her that she has nothing to worry about. It’s the act of homosexuality that’s a sin, right? And he hasn’t actually  _done anything_  yet, so he is fine. For now.  
  
Except that’s not really a conversation he wants to have with his mother, even if it is to tell her that he actually has no love life. And he especially doesn’t want to have that conversation considering he doesn’t plan on keeping it that way. He does want a love life, he just hasn’t found anyone to have it with.  
  
Gay or not, he is Christian enough to appreciate the idea of the sanctity of marriage. At least, he believes that making love isn’t something you should do with just anyone. If it’s not within a marriage, it should at least be with someone you care about. He would never do a one night stand. And so far, he hasn’t found anyone to have a relationship with.  
  
He doesn’t need to be committed for life to have sex, but at least he wants them to have enough respect for it to mean something other than bodily pleasure.  
  
He wants to tell his momma this, wants her to know that he hasn’t thrown away all the values she has taught him. It’s just that this grief that his parents are carrying, it’s tearing a rift between them so deep that he cannot find a way past it. Although they can still be together, eat the same food around the same table, there is now a distance between them that was never there before.   
  
Sometimes he thinks it would have been easier if they were angry at him, if they accused him of being wrong.   
  
But they are not. They are acting like he has been given the death sentence, and that they’ll just have to accept it. Instead of being angry, they suffer.  
  
  
He can hear it in their voices every time he speaks with them on the phone, and he can see it in their eyes every time they meet.   
  
 _Has there been any change yet?_  
  
He can see their hope dying before his eyes. He has to be the one delivering bad news, time and time again, and every time, it’s like another part of him dies.  
  
“I’m going out to see Jared,” Jensen says to Chris and gives him a slap on the shoulder to hide the sudden shift in mood. “See ya later.”  
  


*

  
  
It’s starting to get dark by the time Jared hears a knock on his door. He’s had his nose buried in books for hours, and he throws a glance out the window before crossing the floor in two strides and opening the door.   
  
Jensen is standing outside looking anxious. He’s shifting from foot to foot and has his hands deep inside his pockets. A scarf is tightly wrapped around his neck and he looks like a little kid looking up at him through bangs that are growing too long.  
  
“Hi,” he says and looks at Jared with careful eyes, like Jared would reject him on sight.  
  
“Hi, come on in,” Jared says and looks around to see if the room is in somewhat respectable shape. Aside from an abandoned bag, a few items of clothing, and one empty pizza box, the room looks pretty tidy. And it’s not like Jensen’s room is always that tidy either. There are usually heaps of clothes and art equipment everywhere.  
  
Jensen steps in, but comes to a halt just inside the door, like he doesn’t know where to sit down.   
  
“Something wrong?” Jared asks him, and Jensen looks at him without a word. He simply shrugs his shoulders.  
  
“Mind if I sit down?” Jensen asks and gestures towards the bed. It’s actually made for a change, and there’s plenty of room to sit.  
  
“Be my guest,” Jared says.  
  
He sits down on his chair by the desk and waits for Jensen to say something. There is clearly something on his mind, but he doesn’t seem to be able to get it out.  
  
“Something wrong?” Jared finally asks.  
  
Jensen doesn’t answer but starts looking through Jared’s DVD collection instead.  
  
“Norwegian films, huh?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Any of them good?  
  
“Wouldn’t have brought them if they weren’t.” Jared looks through them and reads the titles:  _Fritt vilt, Max Manus, Rød Snø and deUSYNLIGE._  He figures now is as good a time as ever to introduce Jensen to Norwegian films. He has been recipient of Norwegian music, so the leap won’t be too far.  
  
“What do you want? Psychological thriller, drama, action?”  
  
“What’s this about?” Jensen says and holds up a DVD cover showing a man’s face. He tries to pronounce the title  _deUSYNLIGE_  but it comes out rather strange.   
  
“It means ‘The Invisible,’ as in multiple invisible things….” Jared explains.   
  
The cover has what looks to be many good reviews. There are plenty of dice printed on the cover, all showing 6 dots, and there are names of magazines underneath them.  
  
“Do they grade films by number of dots in the dice in Norway?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“And this got sixes from all over the place.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Is it as good as it says?”  
  
“I think it is.”  
  
Jared pops in [the film](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7I3hFBtOFQ) and Jensen stares at the screen in concentration. Since he doesn’t understand what is being said, he has to read every single word while still trying to capture what happens on the screen.   
  
The film is chaotic at first. Not really making sense. Two boys have kidnapped another boy. He runs away and drowns. One of the men, years later, is being released and starts a new life as an organ player in a church.  
  
“Do you believe in new beginnings?” Jensen asks Jared when he watches the main character starting to rebuild his life after his second chance. He’s been given a chance to start over, to forget what happened in the past.   
  
“I hope they are possible. Everyone deserves a second chance.”  
  
They are both sitting on the bed, side by side, but the bed is too small for two large men to sit comfortably.   
  
“Are you alright?” Jared asks Jensen during a scene where there is loud organ music and a shocked mother is staring up at her baby’s killer playing the organ while her lip is trembling. There is no other sign of her emotions, she is shocked into silence, unable to forget what once took place.  
  
There is no answer from Jensen. He stares paralyzed at the screen. Jared can’t see any tears in his eyes, but the white knuckles speak volumes.   
  
“Jensen?”  
  
Still no answer.  
  
“Jensen, come here.”  
  
Jared wraps his arms around Jensen and pulls him closer, and Jensen lets himself be hugged. “What’s the matter?”  
  
“Do you believe in God, Jared?”  
  
Jared looks at the TV screen, watching the film that deals with the struggle between good and evil. Does God have a meaning for everything?   
  
“Yes, I do,” he says.  
  
Faith has always been important to his family. It has to be important to his family. As King of Norway, his father is head of the Norwegian State Church.  
  
“Can God love us?”  
  
“Yes he can,” Jared says, and he says it without doubt. He has never believed anything else. God loves everyone.   
  
Jared can see that there are a million thoughts going through Jensen’s head, that he is troubled. He wishes he had something to say that could help ease his pain, but all he can do is hold him.  
  
“My mom…” Jensen starts. “My mom is so sad.”  
  
He doesn’t say anything for a little while, and though they have stopped watching the film, it is still playing on the TV. Jared watches mindlessly as there is a frantic search for a little boy in one of the many green parks in Oslo. He thinks that it must be the worst thing for a parent, to look for their lost child, not knowing what has happened. The fear. The agony so deep, mixed with hope that has to come through. A faint hope that is all they have to cling to.  
  
“My mom, she is grieving.”  
  
Jared brushes his hand over Jensen’s hair and gives him a kiss on the top of his head. It’s nothing sexual, just pure comfort.   
  
Jensen seems so little now, like a scared little boy.  
  
“I’m still alive, but she is grieving my eternal death.”  
  
“Oh my God, Jensen…” It sounds awful. Too much for a human to bear.  
  
“But it’s true. She  _believes_  it, Jared. She honestly believes that I am going to hell. Just because I turned out to be gay doesn’t mean she can change what she believes the bible says. She can’t change what she feels about me. So the only thing left is grieving. That… that…” Jensen points toward the TV where a grieving mother is mourning her dead child. “That’s what my mother is feeling. That’s what I see every time I go home.”  
  
“I’m so sorry Jensen.” Jared is crying as well now, gripping Jensen tighter.   
  
“I should be glad they didn’t disown me, right? But on the contrary, they were keeping me so close.” Jensen is barely whispering, holding on to Jared with all his strength, like he’s afraid he will let go if he doesn’t. “Like a child that is sick. Like they needed to spend as much time with me as possible, while there still was time.”  
  
Jensen mumbles into Jared’s sweater. “I couldn’t take it anymore, so I moved as far away as I could, knowing that it only robs them of time. I don’t know if they think I was punishing them for not changing their mind or what, but I wasn’t. I just needed space. A lot of space. I thought if I moved here, my life wouldn’t affect them as much. And I wouldn‘t be as dead inside. I thought I could shut it off. I thought I didn‘t have to feel.”  
  
“Did it help?”  
  
“Sometimes it does. But not now. Not anymore.”  
  
They don’t say anything more, but continue watching the film, wrapped up in each other’s arms.  
  
  


*

  
  
Jared wakes up in the middle of the night, a kink in his neck, and finds that they are still wrapped up in each other’s arms. A glow from the TV is illuminating the room, and the screen shows the DVD menu on constant loop. Jared is cold even though he is fully clothed. He grabs the covers and tries to pull them up, but with both of them on top of the covers, and Jensen acting as dead weight, it’s almost impossible to move any of them.  
  
He gives in and nudges Jensen.  
  
“Umphf..” is all the response he gets from him.  
  
“Move over, I need to get the covers,” Jared says.  
  
“What time is it?” Jensen finally speaks, glancing up at him through one open eye.  
  
“It’s almost four,” Jared whispers.   
  
“Shit, I need to get home.” Jensen starts to crawl out of the bed.  
  
“No, come back here.” Jared grabs him by his wrist and pulls him down again. “Sleep here. Don’t walk home this late.”  
  
“I can’t sleep here,” Jensen protests. “Besides, your bed’s too small.”  
  
“I don’t mind spooning,” Jared argues.  
  
“Bet you don’t.”  
  
“Come on, Jens, it’s too late walk home now. Just sleep a bit longer and go home in the morning. Really, it’s no problem. And please stop arguing. I’m tired, I need to sleep!”  
  
Jensen sits at the edge of his bed for a while before he finally decides to lie down again, this time under the covers. Jared plasters himself against his back and wraps his arms around him.  
  
“I had to be the little spoon, didn’t I?” Jensen says before closing his eyes. He only hears faint sniggering before Jared drifts off to sleep again and starts to snore.  
  
The next time they wake up it’s light outside and they can see that Chad has actually been using his bed some time during the night. He is gone again, but his bedspread is removed and his bed has definitely been used.  
  
“Okay, now I really have to go,” Jensen says and gets up off the bed. His hair is sticking out in every direction and he has red pillow marks burned on his left cheek. He pads into Jared’s bathroom to take a leak before straightening his clothes and moving towards the door.  
  
“Thank you for…” He makes a gesture towards the room at large.  
  
“You’re welcome,” Jared says. He walks over to Jensen and doesn’t stop until he’s completely in front of him. He puts two fingers under Jensen’s chin and lifts his head up towards his own. “Take care of yourself,” he says and bends down to give him a kiss.  
  
It isn’t a sensual kiss that lingers, but it isn’t a peck either. It’s one that holds all the love Jared feels for Jensen, his best friend. A friend that is hurting and that needs all the support in the world.  
  


*

  
  
  
  
  
Jared hasn’t heard from Jensen since Thanksgiving. He tries to call him on his cell, but only gets his voicemail in return. After three attempts, he leaves a message asking Jensen to call him.  
  
He didn’t know he had become this dependent on Jensen, but apparently he is. They have been talking at least twice a week since they got to know each other, and now it’s suddenly been one week of radio silence.  
  
Not that it would have been so bad normally, but there’s only one day left before Jared has to leave for a few days, which means yet another four days of not spending time with Jensen. He knows that as soon as he gets back, there will be no time for anything but exams until the day he leaves for Norway. His schedule is cramped.  
  
He is half walking, half running to get to lecture in time when his phone rings. Caller ID tells him it’s Jensen finally calling back, but there just isn’t time now. He shuts the phone off and puts it back in his pocket. He reaches the auditorium just as the professor enters.  
  
Class has never gone this slowly before. Good thing is that Jared actually is ahead for once. He had plenty of time over Thanksgiving weekend to read up on the subject, and he follows everything that is said. He usually doesn’t have any problem following it either, because he is genuinely interested in the subject.  
  
Political science, and developments studies especially, is something that would interest him no matter what, but he has chosen to focus on that, especially since he has a public voice that he wants to take advantage of. And he doesn’t want to be a stupid doll standing on a podium because he was born to a position; he wants to have educational backup in his work. He has decided to study for what he wants to work with, even though it’s been chosen for him to be a high-profile figure.  
  
The day goes by fast with all the preparations for exams, last minute sign ins, and a group exam to prepare for. It’s almost 9 pm before he gets the chance to call Jensen back.  
  
“Hi, Jared,” Jensen says as soon as he answers the phone.  
  
“Hi. Sorry I didn’t answer the phone earlier. I was late to class.”  
  
“I figured. So, you asked me to call you. Anything in particular you needed to talk about?”  
  
“Nah, just wanted to hear how your holiday went.”  
  
“Fine, I guess.” Jensen doesn’t elaborate, but Jared can’t figure out if it’s because other people might listen in or if he doesn’t want to tell Jared.  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“So, how was your weekend?”  
  
No, fuck it, He won’t give up.  
  
“Fine. Listen, Jensen. I know you might not want to talk about it, if there is something to talk about. But you were a mess before you left and I just want you to know that I am here if you need to talk, okay?”  
  
There is silence for a long while.  
  
“Jensen?”  
  
“Yeah, yeah. I’m here.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“I’m fine. Really. It went fine. Much better than I anticipated. But thank you.”  
  
“Okay. Good.”  
  
They talk a bit longer and don’t wrap up until it’s time to go to bed. Jared just barely remembers to tell Jensen that he has to take a trip to Washington, D.C. and that he will be gone all weekend, but that they’ll see each other after the weekend.  
  
  


*

  
  
  
Washington is cold and even a little snow is falling. There are cars everywhere and people packed up with Christmas presents in large shopping bags. Jared loves the lights and the Christmas carols. He has always loved Christmas. There is something about the anticipation every year. Knowing what to expect, waiting for the same good experiences. Something about home.  
  
He can’t wait until he gets home for Christmas. He loves it here in the USA, but he misses Norway as well. Misses the small things. Like listening to Norwegian TV in the background, the bickering from his brother and his wife and eating the traditional Christmas marzipan from Nidar.   
  
“The ceremony will start at three,” the man next to him says.   
  
They are sitting in a beige Mercedes on the way to Union Station. The Norwegian ambassador is sitting next to him, informing him of the program they are about to participate in. It’s the annual lighting of the Christmas tree at Union Station, a tree that is a gift from the Embassy of Norway and the Norwegian people, and that the mayor in Oslo, capital of Norway, himself has helped pick it out. It’s a tradition, probably more important for the Norwegians than the Americans, but the attendance is usually pretty high. Every year there is a prominent person, either from the Embassy or the royal family, that turns on the lights. There are Norwegian artists playing music and it is huge deal for Norway to say thank you for all the help that was given to them during the Second World War.  
  
This year it’s Jared’s job to turn on the lights.  
  
It’s nothing he hasn’t done before. He has clipped ribbons and lit Christmas trees, and he doesn’t mind.   
  
He’s taken in a side entrance to the station. The tree is about 30 feet tall, and it’s decorated with thousands of white lights, American and Norwegian flags. He walks up to the podium to sit down, and he looks out on the sea of people. The hall is filled to the brim, people traveling and people coming here to participate in this event.   
  
He’s seated next to the Norwegian Ambassador, his wife and son. In front of them, on the steps in front of the podium, the Washington Child Choir is seated, and to the left sits Sissel Kyrkjebø, who will sing three Norwegian Christmas songs along with the choir.  
  
He has never met Sissel before. He did see her in a theatre once. He and his mom, the Queen, went to the opening of The Sound of Music in the Chateau Neuf theatre many years ago, when Sissel debuted as a musical artist. She was good, and he has to remember to tell her that.  
  
People are milling around the Norwegian bazaar, but more people are starting to form around the podium. There are about 10 minutes left till the official opening, so he assumes the ambassador will hold his speech in about five minutes.   
  
Then it’s Jared’s turn to switch on the lights and wish everyone a merry Christmas.  
  


*

  
  
“How was your Thanksgiving weekend?”  
  
Chris stands in the doorway to his room, looking at him with a steaming cup of coffee in his hand. The weeks have been busy, and they haven’t actually seen each other even though they live in the same house.  
  
“That cup for me?” Jensen asks.  
  
“Nope,” Chris says and takes a swig for good measure.   
  
“Ass.”   
  
“You wish.”  
  
Jensen just glares at him.   
  
Chris is definitely a good friend, maybe his best, but Jensen’s never wanted his ass. Ever. Chris was the first person he got to know when he moved here. He walked into a bar one night, out to look for beer and some good music. He was lucky; he found both. It was one of Kane’s first performances, and they didn’t have a large crowd, but the ones that were there liked what they heard and stayed. Jensen stayed all the way to the end of their set and walked up to talk to them later.  
  
He was genuinely interested in music and loved to play the guitar and sing a little bit himself. He would never do it in front of an audience, but he certainly appreciated listening to others. He told them as much, and they ended up sharing a beer and talking shit. It wasn’t long until he started spending time with them outside gigs as well, and joining them in practice. He never wanted to share the stage with them though, unless they made him, which they did… pretty often.  
  
“So, how was it?”  
  
“Fine, I guess.”  
  
“Fine, you guess?”  
  
Jensen sighs, knows that his friend won’t give up until he’s gotten what he came after. He’s a good friend after all. He’s the one that had Jensen’s back when he decided to move as far away as possible, to try everything. Not that Jensen really did try everything, because gay or not, he still wanted it to be special. Sanctity of marriage meant something to him still, even though marriage in his case means partnership with a man. If he ends up in a state that allows that, that is.  
  
But still, one night stands are out of the question.  
  
So trying out everything basically meant wild partying, a lot of groping, and kissing a lot of frogs but not finding a prince. He did find though, that he definitely is gay. That much groping, and it never fails to make him hard. Yeah, no doubt about it.  
  
In the beginning he was hurt. He was hurt that his parents couldn’t just change their mind. Why couldn’t they just see that he couldn’t help being gay, so obviously God was wrong? Or they were wrong about God, or something along those lines. He wasn’t completely clear about what had to change, but something did, because as long as they believe homosexuality is a sin, it can never be right.   
  
Except the more time he spends with them, really spends with them, not just talking on the phone from a long distance and feeling hurt, he sees that they are probably giving him more respect than he is giving them.  
  
“Dad said something…”  
  
Chris walks into his room now, offering him the cup of coffee he had already drunk most of, but Jensen shakes his head.   
  
“.. he said that if it ever came to it, he would welcome my husband into his room. That they had talked about it, him and Mom, and that even though it wasn’t the easiest conclusion they had come to, they couldn’t do anything but to accept that the life partner I choose is my life partner, and that it is my privilege to make that chose. That they have to respect that choice. And that in their house, their children’s life partners are welcome, even to share a room with their children.”  
  
“Wow,” Chris says into his coffee.  
  
“Yeah.” Jensen looks straight at him, sharing the gravity of the statement. “And I realized that doing this is incredibly hard for them. I suddenly realized that while I have been hurt all this time because they couldn’t change their mind, I overlooked how much respect they actually give me. They too are equally hurt that we can’t share views on this, but they say that when it is so, life, here on earth at least, is to be lived by my wishes. It’s up to me. They allow me that, even though it practically kills them. So I think I could finally let my anger go this weekend.”  
  
“That’s great, Jen.”  
  
“Yeah, it is. That’s something to say thanks for, isn’t it?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Which is…” Jensen snorts. “...kind of ironic. All this time I’ve said I haven’t been angry at them. Guess there has been latent anger anyway.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“Guess you do. You’ve said it all the time. Damn, boy, I’ve been so angry at you for telling me I have been angry when I thought I wasn‘t.”  
  
“Don’t I know it.”  
  
“Sorry for taking it out on you all those times.”  
  
“Don’t worry about it. I knew what it was about, that it wasn’t me you were angry at.”  
  
They sit in silence for a while.   
  


*

  
  
The air is buzzing and he has to concentrate hard to catch what the reporter is saying. Both NRK and VG have a reporter here to cover this event. Jared is ranging way above Sissel, even though she is rather tall for a woman. They are both smiling to the cameras, both of them used to the public eye.  
  
“Sissel is a goddess, her voice is so beautiful.” Jared can’t praise her enough, and she is smiling next to him, acting proud and modest at the same time. He’s saying all the right phrases and tries not to think about the headache starting behind his eyes.   
  
Sissel is responding by telling them how wonderful Jared is, and Jared is giving her a good hug. They smile, the flash of the camera fires and they are free to go. He expects there to be a 30-second report at the news at NRK tonight, and a small notice in all the national newspapers tomorrow. There usually is.   
  
He’s almost out of the station again when he spots her. Kirsty was it? He still hasn’t learned her name. Their eyes lock for a second before he breaks the connection and hurries out of the hall. 


	5. Chapter 5

PART FOUR 

 

It’s new year before Jared sees Jensen again. As much as Jared wanted to, he wasn’t able to see Jensen between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Their schedules just didn’t match up. He had exams when Jensen did not and vice versa. Before he knew it he was on his way to Norway, just having sent Jensen a text message about seeing him next year.

As much as he loves the life he’s living in USA, it had felt great walking into his own room at Skaugum knowing that he was home. He hasn’t actually lived at home for a few years, owning an apartment in Oslo, but for Christmas break he decided to stay home with his parents. 

Christmas break was used mostly to catch up with family and friends, but also for a tiny bit of work. He had two full days in his office in the palace, where he and his secretary, Astrid, looked through applications from organizations that want him as patron. It’s a job that he takes seriously, and even though he’s taken a year off to study and doesn’t come home much to represent, he will still keep up his patronages. 

Every year he receives about five hundred applications, but he can only take on two or three, which will all be granted for a period of four years. The decisions are always hard. There are so many worthy causes, so many organizations and causes that can use his name on it, but he has to choose wisely. And he has to make sure that they breach a broad variety within health, sports and culture. He simply cannot chose everything he wants; sometimes he has to deny something he desperately wants to support.

This year he probably made the most difficult decision of them all.

 

“What about this?” Astrid said. She pushed a letter towards him. It was a long letter, four pages of Times New Roman font size twelve. It looked like most other applications. Well written black letters on white paper and a pamphlet of their organization attached. It was the name that caught his eye, the nature of the organization, the people they represent.

Norwegian Gay and Lesbian Association.

A voice inside him screamed, Yes, yes I want to do this. He could feel his hands shake while he picked up the letter and he wondered if Astrid noticed. She was a perceptive woman and there was not much that slipped by her. She practically raised him and knew more about him than most others. 

She started out as the crown princess assistant when his parents were younger and his mom was a newly wedded crown princess to the crown prince of Norway. She had been a pillar in his mother’s early life as royalty and had given her much needed support, including taking care of her children, in times when there had been too much pressure on the new princess. 

He looked at her now and saw that she looked straight at him, expecting him to give her an answer.

He looked through the letter. The words were blending together and he couldn’t even make sense of the sentences.

This is it , he thought.

He felt like this was a statement, whether or not he accepted this application, and he knew that Astrid was aware of this. He knew with certainty now that she expected him to make the right choice, expected him to step up and put his mark on their cause.

“It’s a worthy cause,” she nudged him when he failed to comment.

He swallowed the lump in his throat. “Yes it is,” he choked out and looked at the three piles in front of him. One pile for no, the ones that he would not consider. Another pile for maybe, the ones he had to give another thought, and a pile for yes, the ones he would accept. So far there were two letters in the yes pile; there was room for one more.

He took a deep breath before making his decision.

“No,” he said. “I won’t be their patron.” 

 

*

 

A driver leans on its horn and passes him at high speed when Jared almost steps out into the street without looking.

“Whoa, trying to get yourself killed there?” a voice calls out from behind. He swirls around and looks straight at Jensen reaching out to pull him back.

“Jensen, hi.” They give each other a solid hug. It’s been a long time since they’ve seen each other. “How’re you doing?”

“Great, how are you?” Jensen takes a step back to look at Jared. “When did you come back?”

“Just yesterday,” Jared tells him and smiles. It’s good to see Jensen again. He looks good, rested even. The image of Jensen has been haunting him over Christmas. He was so sad when he left for Thanksgiving. 

The thought of how he was doing has been troubling him, but Jensen hasn’t revealed anything, not even in the many emails they have sent back and forth between Norway and Texas. He’s burning to ask, but with Linda so close by, he doesn’t think Jensen wants to talk freely. 

Linda has, just like Jared, learned to like Kane’s music and wanted to come with them to the pub to listen to the boys’ gig. It’s her night off, but she’s more than happy to accompany Jared as a friend. A couple of male security guards, both new on the shift since New Year’s, are walking a few feet behind them, keeping their distance. 

Linda’s tucking her arm in Jared’s to keep her balance on the icy path walk, trying to walk in her high heeled boots instead of the more sensible sneakers for a change. She has dressed up nicely and Jared knows she enjoys not being on duty tonight. It’s not often she gets a chance to dress up and not think about the practicality of her clothes.

“You look nice,” Jensen tells her, striking up small talk. He is always trying to include her in their conversation whenever she is with them. 

“Thank you.” She beams at him, not at all immune to his charm. Her blonde ponytail is bouncing with every step and she looks utterly happy. Once again Jared wishes he had been frank with his friends and could tell them exactly who he and Linda are so that Linda would be free today to be herself and not pretend to be someone else.

*

 

They arrive at the pub fifteen minutes later and brush off the light snow that fell on their walk over. 

Norway hadn’t been as snowy as he had hoped this year, and hadn’t shown itself as the pretty postcard image of the Christmas idyll it could be at times. It had rather been relatively mild and raining, which made driving impossible with the constant thin layer of ice that formed on the roads when the rain froze to ice. So it’s only now, the second week of January, that he gets the snow he would have wanted to see a month ago.

He only hopes it doesn’t snow too much so they won’t have a hard time walking home.

The bar is crowded to the brim and a jukebox in the corner is spewing out soft pop. Jared shakes off the rest of the snow on his boots and tries to find his way through the masses. 

The bar is illuminated by an orange glowing light hanging low from the ceiling, dimmed enough to cast long shadows in the corners. There’s a stage at the far end of the room and a long bar disk along the right side wall. Students are milling around the bar to buy cheap beer priced to draw in students. He can see Steve and Chris setting up their equipment on the stage, and to the right of the stage he can see familiar faces assembled around a table.

Mike and Tom are already in place, and Jamie and Kathy are with them, hanging off their arms. Jamie is Tom’s girlfriend and Kathy’s best friend. For a while Jared thought Kathy was Mike’s girl, but that was until Mike started eyeing Linda without Kathy minding at all. There are also a few unfamiliar faces that Jared is pretty sure he has never seen before, but there’s nothing strange about that; it’s not like they are an exclusive group of friends. Some people are in the core of the group and almost always present, while others are more peripheal and show up only now and then for special occasions like this gig.

They’re not able to be seat them all at one table and end up being split between two tables. Jared and Jensen end up sitting across each other, along with Mike, Chad, Linda, Kathy and a girl named Liz. They drink, talk and listen to the music.

The music is loud, so it’s hard to hold conversations without yelling directly into each other’s ear. The subjects are kept to those that don’t need long explanations and deep concentration. It’s relaxing though, being completely wrapped in music and shutting the world out. Jared feels happy being back amongst friends where he can relax and be himself.

Not that being in Norway was been bad. In fact, it was actually rather lovely. He spent almost three weeks with his family in their family home and at the Royal Lodge, Kongseteren. It’s tradition for the family to celebrate Christmas at the Lodge, and though they may have obligations elsewhere for the rest of Christmas, they all manage to come together there at Christmas Eve. They celebrate a traditional Christmas, with pork ribs and meat balls, and the opening of presents. Many presents.

Jared received many great books this year as his family knows he loves to read and that he doesn’t have access to Norwegian books in the USA. More than ten titles, all by Norwegian authors, were packed in his luggage when he returned to the US.

There is something about coming home after being away for a while that makes him realize how Norwegian he is - through and through. And really, he should be, being kind of a iconic figure for the nation after all. But he doesn’t want to be a mere puppet; he has dreams.

He is a big dreamer. Amongst all those people he has met on his travels around the world, or even just in his own country, there are many that have made an imprint on his life. People that have made him want to make a change.

People have dreamt before him. He has no illusions of being remembered in the history books as a charismatic fighter like Marin Luther King, Jr. and his visionary dream. He has a position. He didn’t asked for it, he was born to it, and he knows that many people resent him for it. Not because they resent him as a person, although some probably do that as well. But because they are against the monarchy in principle. They do not believe that any powerful position in society should be inherited, and he has to agree with them. He does not believe in power being inherited. But then modern monarchy, as it is in Norway, does not provide them power. Influence maybe, but not direct power.

They, his family, have talked it over many times, that if the people, by referendum, decide to end monarchy and install Norway as a republic, they will oblige without a fight. But until then, they will try to live up to the expectations and earn the trust they have been given. Expectations though are impossible to meet. They are too many and too diverse. So many people expect them to be beyond human: perfect, flawless and above everyone else. They would be disappointed to know that their shit smells just as bad as everyone else’s. Sometimes, Jared finds those expectations too hard to live up to.

As a teenager he found it beyond hard, and for a while he was really depressed. He didn’t want to go out, he didn’t want to be out in the public eye where everyone could look at him and expect of him things he couldn’t deliver. He simply wanted to disappear. His solution to disappearing wasn’t one of the healthiest though, and he can only thank whatever power watching over him that he never developed any addiction to all those pills he downed with alcohol.

He hated watching his face plastered on the front of every gossip magazine, linked to one girl after another. Pictures of him crawling more than walking out of every night club in Oslo. It was enough that he talked to a girl, or had lunch with a friend, or was just being introduced to a friend of a friend, and the next day the papers would proclaim them as his new love interest. 

If there was a picture, there was a story. It didn’t matter that it was completely untrue and that the palace never commented. If they didn’t comment, the magazine would just make something up. Fair game, as they said.

According to the magazines, Jared has had affairs with quite a lot of women he can’t even remember having met. Possibly because he never met them, or possibly because he was too plastered to remember. They are beautiful enough, most of them, and he would be proud having any one of them as his girlfriend, but no, that would all be a lie. Truth be told, he has just barely dated a couple of girls. Both of them still good friends, and both of them happy being just that. Not really anything to write about, and the funny thing is that the magazines actually caught the whiff on only one of those.

Mostly it was hard for him not being able to figure out who he was before everyone else had an opinion of him. He hated how he was constantly portrayed in words and pictures he didn’t recognize as himself. He hated how everyone would believe they knew him, when he didn’t even know himself. For a long time there, he wished he had never been born. His privilege felt like a prison, and it deprived him of a sense of self. 

It wasn’t until his grandfather’s death that he managed to pull himself out of the rut. The moment he looked out the window and saw a sea of people mourning their King was when he realized that despite all the expectations and hatred, they were mostly being shown love and respect, and it was time for him to pay something back.

So Jared has a dream. He has a dream to turn that influence he’s been given into power to make a change, whether it’s through putting his mark on a case through patronage, or by actively seeking change through accepting a position as a goodwill ambassador for the United Nations Development Program (UNDP).

Hope, he thinks, is what he wants to give people.

He looks over at Jensen, who’s deep in conversation with Kathy, and as Jensen looks up and gives him a smile that’s meant just for him, Jared thinks that he might have a little bit of hope himself.

*

 

Jensen can basically feel the music beat through his body. If he closes his eyes he can shut everything out. He knows the music so well, it’s almost a part of himself. He’s witnessed many of the songs come to life, and a few of them he has even helped write. 

Music is imperative in his life. When he was just a little boy, his dad used to sit him on his lap and let him play the piano. He didn’t know which keys to play, and he hit them rather randomly, making a cacophony of noises that would make him laugh with joy. When he got a bit older, his dad would place his large hand above his small one and guide his fingers towards a slow and awkward version of “This Little Light of Mine.”

Jensen can still remember the powerful feeling of being the one making this beautiful melody come to life. He had never heard anything as beautiful in his entire life. It didn’t matter that it was slow and staccato; he had played it, he had made the piano make those notes. And he knew that song. He knew that they used to sing it in church, his dad’s church, as he called it (he didn‘t realize until much later that his dad didn’t really own the church), on Sundays when his dad led the service. 

“This Little Light of Mine” was an easy song to sing for a little boy like Jensen. It had many repetitions and even if he didn’t always focus, he could still remember the lyrics. He used to love standing in church, in the front row surrounded by his family, watching his father with pride. He loved feeling the energy flowing from the congregation behind them when they sang. It was a force lifting up the roof, and he could almost feel it filling him with strength. He was convinced it was God that did it. After all, they were in His church.

Let it shine…

How ironic that the light he didn’t want to hide would shine on his darkest secrets. 

shine…

The secrets that his parents would have been better off not knowing. 

shine…

Until one day he didn’t like it so much anymore, sitting in front row, feeling the eyes of the congregation on him… on them, the minister’s family. 

He didn’t like it so much when he started feeling their looks as ghosts on his skin and he would feel his skin crawl under the touch.

Let is shine….

And he could see that he wasn’t as pure as he should be.

*

 

Jensen shakes his head to lose the thoughts and takes a sip of beer. He knows now that it wasn’t God that gave him strength through music, it was music itself. Even Chris’s “Whiskey In Mind” can lift him like that, and he lets himself drown in the music again. 

It takes two songs until he opens his eyes again to look straight at Jared. He feel his lips tug at the corners and the smile that emerges is just for Jared. He has missed him. It’s been a few weeks, and he didn’t know he would miss him as much as he did, but he has been thinking a lot about the kiss they shared the last time they saw each other. It was just a kiss between friends, but the memory of it has left Jensen yearning for more. They have become very close friends over the last few months, and now he can’t even imagine not having Jared in his life. 

He locks his eyes with Jared and nods his head towards the door to silently ask if he wants to go out to get some fresh air and maybe have some time just the two of them.

*

 

Jared leans over and speaks into Linda’s ear that he will be stepping outside for a moment with Jensen, knowing that she will inform the bodyguards on duty. He grabs his jacket and pull Jensen with him at the same time. They have to fight their way through the crowd, and Jared wonders if fire regulation actually allows this many people in here.

They reach the door at last, and the cold air hits them the moment it opens. The silence outside is deafening and it takes them a moment to adjust.

“Wow,” Jared laughs. “That’s a lot of people.”

“Yeah,” Jensen says. He bumps his shoulder with Jared as they walk a few feet down the street. 

The street is empty and the night sky has cleared and is now sprinkled with stars. The cold air is biting their faces and Jensen pulls up his scarf to protect his face from the frost. Jared listens to their steady steps in the squeaking snow. They don’t walk far, mainly walking in circles to keep warm.

“So, how have you been?” Jensen’s the first to ask.

Jared looks at him and wants to tell him the truth. He wants to tell him that he’s been home with his family -- the Royal Family of Norway. But all he says is, “Fine.”

He doesn’t want to have that conversation buzzed on alcohol and close to 1 a.m. 

“Good,” Jensen says. He leans in again, gravitating towards Jared. 

Jared doesn’t know if it’s because of the alcohol that he’s unsteady on his feet or if it’s because he’s trying to steal Jared’s body heat in this steel blue night. He doesn’t mind giving it to him though, and wraps his arms around Jensen until he’s completely enveloped in his arms. 

“So how have you been?” Jared counters. He has a lot he wants to ask, both about Thanksgiving and Christmas, but he thinks he should let Jensen tell first, then he can ask to be filled in on the holes later.

“Good,” Jensen says, but doesn’t say more before he leans in and meet Jared’s lips with his own.

He takes Jared completely by surprise, but he doesn’t take long to catch on. He leans into the kiss and lets his tongue push past Jensen’s lips. Jensen opens his lips for him and gives him entrance, and Jared slants his head to get a better angle. He only lets himself drown in the kiss for a moment though, before he pulls back. Jensen moves his head after him trying to catch his lips again, but leans back again when he realizes Jared is serious about breaking the kiss.

In the back of his mind, Jared’s aware of the door to the pub being opened and two men stepping outside. He knows they are his bodyguards, and he knows he’s not ready to let them witness this private moment. He pulls away but keeps his hand on Jensen's biceps.

“Uhm,” he says, not really sure what to say. “You want to… I mean, can we?”

Jensen takes a step back. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“No,” Jared’s fast to interrupt. “Don’t be. I mean, I want to. I just… can we just wait a bit? I kind of need to talk to you first, but not right now. Not when we are not sober.”

“Uh, okay?” Jensen sounds unsure. “You sure everything’s okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Please. I just need some time, I promise.” He squeezes his hand on Jensen’s arm and hopes it comes though as a sign of sincerity.

“Oh, okay.” Jensen lets him off the hook but not without taking a good long look at him. 

“So, you wanna head in again?” Jared nods towards the bar, blowing warm air into his hands in a vain hope that they will defrost. 

They turn around and walk towards the bar, side by side but not completely touching. Jared barely looks at his bodyguards as they pass them, but they shuffle in behind them, sitting themselves down at the same table they occupied before. 

Linda looks up as Jensen and Jared come back to the table. She takes one look at Jared before asking, “Har det hendt noe? Er alt ok?”

Jared just nods and assures her in Norwegian that everything is okay. He’s not up to talking about it right now, but he knows that the time has come where he has to come clean about who he is. He cannot go behind Jensen’s back.


	6. Chapter 6

PART FIVE  
  
  
The semester has barely started when the shit hits the fan.  
  
It’s the very first class of the very first day of the semester and Jared has just settled in next to Peter.  
He doesn’t hang out much with Peter on his spare time, but they have made a habit of walking to class together after that first day when Peter showed him the way, and they have continued sitting together ever since. People are mostly catching up on what they have been doing during Christmas break and trying to adjust to having to getting up early in the morning again.   
  
Jared has taken a detour into Coffee Grounds to pick up a latte grande, and Linda is slumped in the seat two rows behind him.   
  
He doesn’t really pay attention to what is going on around him, but keeps thinking about the kiss he shared with Jensen just a few hours ago. He can’t believe they stayed out until 3a.m. the night before class started up again, but with a kiss like that, it was worth it. More than worth it in fact. They had walked into the bar again and listened to the rest of the gig. This time, they had sat on the same side of the table though, and if their hands happened to touch now and then, then that was purely accidental.   
  
He smiles and starts to type up a text to Jensen when he’s startled by the word  _prince_ being uttered.  
  
His head snaps up, and he unsuccessfully tries to catch the rest of the sentence.  
  
“What?” he hears some girl, Allison he thinks, answer. He can’t see who’s talking and he doesn’t want to turn around.   
  
“It’s true.” He can hear the girl talking again. “He’s attending school here. Some girl saw him.”  
  
 _Shit._  He can feel his stomach fall and his urge is to flee the room before anyone spots him. Although, just because someone mentions a prince, no one has actually pointed at him.  
  
He can feel Linda’s eyes on him, but he doesn’t want to turn around. He doesn’t need to though, because right at that moment his phone buzzes, announcing he has a text message.  
  
 _To: Jared.  
From: Linda.  
  
R du OK?_  
  
He looks at it for a moment, contemplating what to answer. No, he’s not okay, but he really cannot explain in a text message what he’s feeling right now, how he just wants the floor to swallow him. He decides on just telling her he’s okay and that they have to talk later. He knows that she would already have sent a message to the team leader to consult on what to do next.  
  
It doesn’t take more than a moment after his message is sent before another one comes in, and he knows from the message that it’s Linda, his friend, and not his bodyguard that has sent it.  
  
 _To: Jared_  
From: Linda  
  
Klem  
  
To: Linda  
From: Jared  
  
Takk.  
  
The hug she sent warms him and he truly thanks her for it. Right now, a hug is really what he needs.  
  


*

  
  
The walk home from class is made in a hurry, and he doesn’t wait for anyone but Linda. She informs him that the entire security team is waiting in the dorm and that they need to have a talk right away. They don’t even stop for the daily after school treat at Coffee Grounds.  
  
Chad is waiting for him when enters the dorm room, and by the look on his face Jared assumes he has heard the rumors.   
  
“How bad is it?” Jared asks.  
  
“Uhm.” Chad shrugs his shoulders. “Everyone is talking about it, and everyone is trying to guess who it is. But no one has mentioned your name.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
Jared looks around the room kind of expecting a solution to the problem to just emerge. He knew it was too good to last; he had hoped though.  
  
“So,” Chad interrupts his thoughts. “What now?”  
  
“Uhm.” Jared points towards the door. “Guess I’ll have to talk to them.”   
  
Chad just nods and sits down on his bed, ready to wait for the outcome. Jared’s almost by the door when Chad suddenly opens his mouth again.  
  
“It wasn’t me,” he says looking scared that Jared would think he ratted him out.  
  
Jared stops abruptly. “I know.”  
  
  
  


*

  
  
  
He meets with the security team for more than two hours. They make some phone calls, to the dean and back to Norway, and make sure to think long and hard before they make any decisions. They consult with both the King and the chief of the Royal Police Escort Unit at his home in Oslo. If any of them were unhappy about being dragged out of bed at 1 a.m. they didn’t say; they knew they wouldn’t have been woken up unless the US unit found the matter pressing enough to be addressed immediately.   
  
After two long hours they have made the decision they knew they had to when walking into the meeting; he has to come clean to his friends.  
  
Jared feels defeated when crossing the hallway into his own room. He was already ready to come clean to his friends, but he wanted to do it on his own terms, not being forced to do so, and he’s not prepared for Jensen sitting on his bed waiting for him when he walks in.   
  
Jensen’s talking to Chad, who shuts up the moment Jared enters the room.  
  
“Okay, I guess I’m out of here,” Chad mumbles and flees the room.  
  
Chad leaves behind a pregnant silence that neither of them knows how to break. After a couple of minutes of staring at the floor and shuffling their feet, it starts to get ridiculous.   
  
Jensen’s the first to speak. “It’s you, isn’t it?”  
  
Jared doesn’t have to ask, and he doesn’t want to play dumb or act innocent, so he confirms it with a nod, then clears his throat and voice a firm, “Yes.”.  
  
Jared tries to read Jensen’s body language to see if he’s angry, but he cannot read anything. He sits down on his desk chair, his chest against the back rest, and wheels the chair to the middle of the room to face Jensen.   
  
“I was going to tell you,” Jared continues. He feels a deep sadness by the fact that he never got to do so on his own terms. Jensen deserved that.  
  
“I figured,” Jensen says. His body language is still closed up, his legs crossed and knees pulled up towards his chest. He’s fidgeting with his hands and doesn’t really meet Jared’s eyes.  
  
“Jensen, look at me,” Jared pleads, his voice soft, knowing that he doesn’t really have the right to ask anything right now.  
  
Jensen lifts his eyes and looks at him. Jared can see the green in them being blurred by moisture, and he feels awful being the one who’s hurt him.  
  
“I didn’t mean to keep it from you,” Jared continues. “I really didn’t. I was planning to tell you really soon.”  
  
“Yeah.” Jensen nods. “That’s what you meant when you told me to wait, right?” He looks away again.  
  
It feels like a stab in his stomach that Jensen doesn’t even want to look at him when he refers to the kiss.  _Their_  kiss. It was  _their_  moment, and nothing can destroy that.  
  
“Jensen.” Jared pushes the chair the rest of the way towards the bed and grabs for Jensen’s hands. Jensen resists, but only for a second before he relaxes his arms and lets Jared grab him. “I meant to tell you since before Christmas, I just ran out of time. Then this happened before I had the chance to. Please believe me!”  
  
“Why didn’t you? I mean,” Jensen pulls back one arm and uses it to push himself up straighter on the bed. “Why didn’t you tell me from the start?”  
  
“I didn’t  _know_  you from the start,” Jared says, letting frustration slip in. It’s been a long day, and he’s tired and frustrated and it’s all about to slip. “I knew I  _liked_  you, and I knew I’d like to get to know you better.”  
  
Jared grabs Jensen’s chin and forcees him to look at him.  
  
“When we became friends I knew I had to tell you, I just wanted to wait a little bit longer. It was just  _that intoxicating_  - the feeling of nobody knowing. It was like drugs, you know? I could do anything. And I don’t know…I guess I thought that if I told one person the secret would already be out and I wouldn’t be able to hold on to it. How could I tell you and not Tom? Or Mike? Where should I draw the line? We weren’t…” He flaps his hands to avoid defining what they are. “…not back then. And when we started to be closer, I decided to tell you. It’s just that this shit happened first.”  
  
“Chad knew!”  
  
Jared sighs. “Chad had to know. I share a room with him.”  
  
“Yeah.” Jensen accepts his answer.  
  
They stay silent again. Jensen breathes in deeply a few times and Jared runs his thumb over the back of Jensen’s hand.  
  
“Are you mad at me?” he eventually dares to ask.  
  
Jensen raises his eyes and looks straight at him, but waits a while before answering. “No, I’m not mad.”  
  
“But…?”  
  
“A bit disappointed maybe?”  
  
“That I didn’t tell you? That Chad knew first?”  
  
“No.” Jensen shakes his head. “This is no pissing contest. I understand that Chad had to know, and I don’t mind. I also understand that you didn’t really want to tell anyone. I just…”  
  
“You just hoped that you were special enough to be told?”  
  
Jensen blushes. “Yeah, I guess,” he whispers, somewhat embarrassed by his admission.  
  
“And you are,” Jared climbs off of the chair and sits down on the bed next to Jensen. “I am really sorry you had to learn about it this way. But Jensen, being a prince is really just the official role I have. You are the one who knows the real me. You are one out of two, maybe three, who knows I am gay. That is  _really knowing me_ , much more than knowing my title.”  
  
  


*

  
  
Jensen leans into Jared’s embrace and relaxes, thinking that it feels good just lying there pretending everything is okay and that his world hasn’t been tilted. He thinks about the shock when he first started to realize what was going on, the rumors going on in school and how everything fell into place. The people Jared always surrounds himself with, how he is always reluctant about going to friends’ houses or coming to Jensen’s house alone. It fit. It would explain so much.  
  
And it hurt. He felt betrayed.  
  
Why hadn’t he told him? Why hadn’t he trusted him? He thought they had something, something special. He thought they were going places, that they were taking their friendship to a new level. Now he wasn’t even sure about the reality of their friendship.  
  
 _That is_ really knowing me _, much more than knowing my title._  
  
He had run back to Jared’s dorm as fast as he could, bursting into his room only to find Chad there alone.   
  
“Where’s Jared?” he asked, not bothering with any greetings  
  
“Hello to you too,” Chad answered, looking up from where he was sitting on his bed.  
  
“Hi.” Jensen rushed it out. “Now, where’s Jared?”  
  
“He’s busy, ” Chad said, not wanting to meet his eyes.  
  
“Is he…?” No, he didn’t want to hear it from Chad. “Do you mind if I wait for him here?”  
  
“Sure.” Chad nodded, watching him sit down on Jared’s bed.  
  
They sat in silence for a while, no one mentioning the elephant in the room.  
  
“So you like him?” Chad suddenly said, cringing as it said it, seemingly wanting to bite back the words as soon as they slipped.   
  
“What?”  
  
“Never mind.”  
  
Jensen thought back to the night when he had fallen asleep in Jared’s bed, and he knew that Chad had seen them. He wasn’t in a mood to talk about it though, so he stayed silent. They managed to find some random subjects to talk about though, and both look relieved when Jared finally walked through the door.   
  
He didn’t want to meet Jared’s eyes, feeling betrayed and hurt.  
  
 _That is_ really knowing me _, much more than knowing my title._  
  
But it’s not really all about him, now is it?  
  


*

  
  
“Do you know what happened?” Jensen asks.  
  
“I think so.” Jared turns his head to look at Jensen. He’s relieved to see that Jensen looks more relaxed now, less distressed. “Do you remember the weekend I had to go away, just after Thanksgiving?”  
  
“Yeah.” Jensen nods.  
  
“I was actually lighting the Christmas tree at Union Station in Washington, D.C. It’s a tradition. The tree is given as a gift from Norway. It’s either the ambassador or someone from the Royal Family that lights the tree, and this time I did it. It was convenient since I’m in the US anyway.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“So, when I left there I saw a girl from one of my classes. I have never talked to her, but I think you might now her.”  
  
“Who?” Jensen sits up straight, frowning.  
  
“I think her name is Kirsty. I saw her at that first party I attended at your house.”  
  
“Uhm, I don’t know.” Jensen shakes his head. “Might have been a friend of someone else there. I don’t think I know her.”  
  
“Oh, okay. I haven’t seen her since. I mean, other than in class that is.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“Anyway, I saw her in Washington. She was there and she saw me and she  _knew_  who I was. I don’t have any proof, but I am pretty sure she’s the one who started the talking.”  
  
“Are you going to talk to her?”  
  
“No.” Jared shakes his head.  
  
“Why not?” Jensen looks at him, puzzled.  
  
“I am a public person, Jensen. It’s not a crime to tell anyone that you have spotted the prince of Norway in one of your classes. And to be fair, it seems like she hasn’t even told anyone exactly who it is, just that it is some prince. She hasn’t even mentioned Norway. She could have done much worse.” Jared wishes he could go after her though, but he knows she hasn’t really done anything wrong.  
  
“Yeah, I guess.”  
  
“Guess it had to come out some day though.”  
  
Jensen straightens up and takes a good look at Jared. “Should I call you something, by your title, or….”  
  
“Don’t you dare!” Jared stops him. “I’m  _just_  Jared to you, please. I beg you, never change that.”  
  
Jensen laughs and Jared is relieved when he understand that Jensen was only pulling his chain. He swats Jensen across the back of his head.  
  
“Just a  _Royal_  pain in the ass then?” Jensen laughs even louder.  
  
“Haha, not funny!” Jared sticks out his tongue at him.  
  
“It was a little bit funny.” Jensen falls back on the bed looking up at him and Jared can’t help the fluttering in his belly at the sight of the crinkles in the corners of Jensen’s eyes.   
  
All the tension is gone from the room and Jared feels he can finally breathe again. He lays down on the bed next to Jensen and pulls the other man close to him, laying his head down on Jensen’s shoulder.  
  
“Jensen?”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“Where does this leave us?” Jared asks, still caressing Jensen’s hand.  
  
“Taking it slow.”


	7. Chapter 7

PART SIX  
  
  
  
They walk together towards the townhouse: Jared, Jensen, Chad, Linda and Kurt Arne. Jensen called Chris and made sure that they are all there.He didn’t explain why he wanted them all there, but Jared wouldn’t be surprised if they all are a little suspicious.   
  
“How did you know anyway?” Jared suddenly remembers to ask. He looks over at Chad, but Chad holds up his hands in a  _I didn’t tell_  pose.  
  
“It made sense, I guess,” Jensen answers. “Gave an answer to why you never walked anywhere alone. I’m not stupid, you know. I have been wondering why the same people seem to appear whenever we are together.”  
  
“Hm, yeah.”  
  
Linda sniggers behind them and Jared tells her, in not so nice words, to shut up. Sometimes he’s happy they speak another language, so that he doesn’t have to watch his tongue.  
  
“What? Like you actually thought this guy over here could blend in?” She points at Kurt Arne, all broad shoulders and fierce looking, who just shrugs his shoulders. His lips tilt up in a tiny smile though.  
  
The air is crisp and Jared puts his hands in his pockets. His skin feels dry and cold and he wants to grab Jensen’s hand to hold on to. Jensen, on the other hand, walks to his right, just a couple of feet ahead of him. He has pulled his jacket closely around him and is close to being swallowed by an enormous scarf. He’s quiet, and if Jared could guess from his slightly slumped posture, he’d say he’s rather uncomfortable.  
  
There are only a few cars outside, and they don’t meet anyone on their walk over. It doesn’t take long and soon they turn right into the driveway of the townhouse.   
  
Jensen walks up first to unlock the door, and they follow him in one by one. Everyone is already there when they arrive, and they all look up simultaneously at them when they enter.   
  
The small living room area is crowded by all the people that are now gathered. It’s not really designed to hold so many guests at one time, but they squish together and make room for as many as possible on the two sofas and the one easy chair that are placed around the coffee table.   
  
Kurt Arne walks over to the window and leans against the sill and Linda finds room on the armrest of the sofa next to where Mike is slumped back in a relaxed pose. Jared can see that Mike is placing his arm behind her, almost touching but not quite. He can’t hold back a smile at the tiny gesture, but he soon sobers up when he remembers why they are all here, and his stomach makes a turn.  
  
Jensen sits down on the floor next to the fireplace (which is filled with candle lights thanks to Jamie and Kathy‘s influence) leaning against the grey bricks, and Jared pulls out the footrest from underneath Chad’s feet to sit at the end of the table, right in front of the burning candles.  
  
They all nod to each other, and Mike and Chad throw some jokes around. The mood is somber though, like they all don’t quite know how to behave. Jared knows that he has to start talking, so he takes a moment to mentally prepare.  
  
He clears his throat and everyone turns their attention to him. The talk goes dead silent and Jared has trouble finding his words. He can feel the heat rise and he knows that his neck is probably flaming red at the moment. He tugs at his sleeves and brushes his hands on his thighs a couple of times before clearing his throat again. His throat is completely dry and he doesn’t remember how to collect himself. He’s been standing in front of oceans of people talking since he was a teenager, but in front of a group of friends that he still hopes to be friends with after this, he feels like the floor is moving underneath him.  
  
“So, I guess you’ve all heard…” he starts. He know he has to raise his eyes, but he doesn’t know who to look at. He wishes Jensen had sat on the sofa and not behind him. Instead he decides to rest his eyes on Sophia, sitting to his right and giving him a gentle smile.  
  
Chris and Steve are slowly nodding, Kathy is biting her lip, but no one is saying a word. They are all waiting for him to continue and possibly confirm what they think might be the reason they have all been assembled.   
  
“There’s a rumor that there’s a prince attending school,” he continues and he swipes his eyes over them all.  
  
“Yeah,” Sophia says, and Jared looks at her gratefully for breaking the uncomfortable silence of the group.  
  
“Yeah, it’s…” He hesitates before giving the final confirmation.   
  
“…me,” Chad butts in.  
  
“It’s Chad.” Jared nods, and everyone laughs, relieved at the tension breaker. Sophia huffs, but looks at Chad with less venom than she has done in a while. “No, seriously, it’s me,” he says after a moment of laughter, glad that it’s now out in the open.  
  
They all calm down again but it doesn’t go back to the pin drop silence. There is huffing and puffing, and people waiting for him to continue. He meets Linda’s eyes over Mike’s head, and she encourages him with a curt nod to go on.  
  
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” He turns his head to look at Jensen, and Jensen gives him an encouraging smile and a confirming nod.   
  
“Uhum,” Chris says from the far end of the sofa. He hasn’t said anything yet, and he doesn’t look happy. He isn’t afraid to show it either.  
  
“I have no excuse really.” Jared looks straight at Chris now and doesn’t let go of his eyes. At least, when he does tell them, he should have the balls to be honest.  
  
“Look, Chris.” Jensen gets up from the floor where he was sitting and lays a hand on Jared‘s shoulder. “Listen to him, okay?”  
  
Even though he goes silent again after that, his hand never leaves Jared, but he remains standing next to him, keeping his hand on his shoulder.  
  
“As I said, I have no real excuse. It just felt so good being just me and not having people monitoring their behavior around me. I just wanted to hold on to that a bit longer, but I am sorry about going behind your backs.”  
  
When still no one says anything Jared’s frustration grows, there are few things in his life he has wanted more than to keep these people as his friends.  
  
“Listen, Chris,” he says and flaps his hands in frustration. He gets to his feet now and starts pacing back and forth. He figures Chris will be the hardest one to convince, and the one he has to win over. “Would you have treated me the same if you…” He pauses, knowing that this is not the right argument. ”Never mind.  _You_  probably would.”  
  
He sighs and goes still for a moment, staring down at the floor wondering where to go from here. Jensen still stands by the fireplace, but seems ready to jump in at any moment if Jared needs him. Jared doesn’t want him to rescue him though. If he’s to convince them of his sincerity, he has to do it on his own.  
  
“I see your point, though,” Chris finally says and gives him the acceptance he sorely needs. “I don’t like it, but I see your point. And yeah, I would have treated you the same; I don’t put people on a pedestal. But I know some people do, so I can see how you would want to be judged by who you are and not by who your parents are. I get it, it’s okay.”  
  
“Thanks.” Jared smiles at him and knows that once Chris is convinced, he’ll have a loyal friend for life.  
  
“So these people…” Chris is waiving around the room capturing Kurt Arne and Linda in one big gesture.  
  
“..are my bodyguards,” Jared confirms.  
  
“Oh,” Jared hears Mike mumble and his eyes grows as big as dinner plates. He can see how he slightly pulls away from Linda, and how Linda’s face falls at the movement.  
  
“ _Sorry, I couldn’t tell you,_ ” Linda whispers to him, and Jared feels a stab of regret, knowing that it’s his fault she couldn’t tell him sooner. Yet another consequence of his own egocentric behavior.  
  
Jared throws her a look that he hopes looks apologetic and gives Mike a smile too. Mike nods at him and moves closer to Linda again.   
  
“Wait…” Steve interrupts and everyone turns their attention to him. “You are like ten feet tall, and you have a Lilliputian for a bodyguard?” He waves his hand in the direction of Linda.   
  
Everyone looks at Linda, with her tiny little frame that only reaches 5 feet 2 above the floor.  
  
“Well,” Jared answers, “she wears a gun and she knows how to use it!” Mike’s eyes grow even wider and Linda claps him on the shoulder laughing.   
  
“Seriously though, she is really good at her job, and it really isn’t the size that matters.” Jared smiles at her.  
  
Kurt Arne clears his throat and Jared swirls around.  
  
“Yeah, alright, speaking of security….”  
  
Jared leaves it to Kurt Arne to explain the details about security, and how they want to background check all of Jared’s friends. They listen to him explain how they would like to place cameras at different positions in the house, and how they could then avoid actually being in the house with Jared when he is here. But only if all the residents are background checked and cleared.  
  
All of their friends had agreed on being checked; only Chris is slightly worried. But when they assure him that the Norwegian police have no jurisdiction on whether or not he had inhaled illegal substances in the past, even he is convinced it is safe to go through with it.  
  
  


*

  
  
While Kurt Arne is talking to each and every of his friends individually in the kitchen, Jensen and Jared take the opportunity to sneak away to Jensen’s room.   
  
“Fuck,” Jared exhales as soon as he closes the door behind him and he plops down on Jensen’s bed face down. He lands with his nose deep in Jensen’s pillow but isn’t necessarily too eager to breathe anyway.  
  
“That bad?” Jensen asks and sits down next to him on the bed.  
  
“Worse.” Jared pulls himself up on his elbows and uses the leverage to turn around and look up at Jensen. “I just feel I let you all down.”  
  
“You didn’t.” Jared appreciates Jensen’s comforting words but he isn’t sure he believes him. He feels like he failed miserably, and yet the worst part is, he doesn’t know if he would have done anything differently if he had the chance to do it again. Because when it comes down to it, he did not in fact know much about these guys when he came here, and trust takes time to build. However, this was one of those things you should say up front, even though you really wouldn’t say it without trust. It truly was a catch-22. And that just makes him sad.  
  
He could have been angry or annoyed, but he’s not. He’s sad. He’s sad because he knows that when the next time comes -- if there is a next time -- he will do the same thing again, and he will risk hurting his friends again. He’s doomed to either hurt his friends or abstain from freedom, and he knows he is selfish enough to choose freedom every time.  
  
“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Jensen says and rubs a hand on his midriff. It feels soothing and Jared relaxes under the gentle touch.  
  
“You’re so good to me,” Jared mumbles against Jensen’s thigh. His eyes are closing and he can feel himself slipping into sleep now that the tension has finally left his body.   
  
“Shh…” Jensen says. “Go to sleep. I’ll wake you up when it’s time to leave.”  
  
Jared curls up in Jensen’s bed and let his eyes fall shut..  
  


*

  
  
Jensen waits until Jared is sleeping deeply before he untangles himself from Jared’s grip and gets out of bed. He stops by the bathroom for a short relief of his bladder before returning downstairs to the rest of the group.  
  
Linda looks up at him when he enters the living room, a question in her eyes.  
  
“Upstairs sleeping,” Jensen says and she nods.  
  
Kurt Arne is in the kitchen with Kathy, so grabbing the ice cold Corona he craves is out of the question. Instead he slumps down on the sofa next to Chris.   
  
“How are you holding up?” Chris asks, slapping one hand on Jensen’s thigh.   
  
“Good,” Jensen answers non descriptively. He would love to tell Chris what a long day it has been, how worried he’s been, how relieved he became when he realized nothing has changed between him and Jared, and then how worried he had been again when he realized that nothing has changed between him and Jared. He’s about to freak out, and yet he cannot freak out in the middle of the living room with all of their friends and Jared’s frickin’ bodyguards looking at him. And he cannot go up to his own room to freak out, because there’s Jared sleeping after the even longer day he must have had.  
  
“I need some fresh air,” he says and gets up from the sofa in one abrupt movement. He grabs his jacket that hangs next to the door and goes out into the crisp winter air. It’s pitch dark and the stars are bright in the sky. He looks up, wondering how small details can seem so important when they are so insignificant in the bigger picture.


	8. Chapter 8

PART SEVEN  
  
Over the next four weeks Jared and Jensen kiss more frequently and engage in some extended make out sessions now and then. They never take it further though, and they both agree, in not so many words, that they want to keep their relationship under the radar.   
  
They do however inform their closest friends about their growing relationship, not wanting to keep any more secrets from them, and their friends soon form a wall of protection around them.  
  


*

  
  
Jared helps Jensen carry the cases of beer into the kitchen and places one on the bench.  
  
“How much booze did you buy anyway?” he asks and sets the other case next to the first one.   
  
“Enough,” Jensen comments offhandedly. They have just been to the store to pick up beer and liquor for tomorrow’s Valentine’s party in the townhouse. Steve initiated it; any excuse to throw a party is a good one, and all the residents and their friends whole-heartedly agreed on the idea.  
  
Sophia, Kathy and Jamie have taken it upon themselves to decorate the house. They won’t leave it to the boys to arrange a romantic themed party, and the house is starting to look alarmingly rose-red and smell like scented candle lights. Jared just hopes nothing will catch fire with all the lights they are placing everywhere, but he soon forgets when he see Jensen bend over to pick up the bags of chips and snacks they brought in. His jeans are clinging in exactly the right places, and before he thinks any more about it, he grabs a beer out of one of the cases and pops it open to drink while enjoying the sight.  
  
“You’re starting on the beer already?” Jensen turns his head and looks back at him at the sound of the beer popping open.  
  
“Yeah, eh, sorry about that.” Jared smiles at him sheepishly.   
  
“Don’t worry.” Jensen shakes his head. “Grab me one as well, and let’s go up to my room, shall we?”  
  
They put everything away in a hurry, and Jared grabs a couple of new beers and follows Jensen up the stairs.   
  


*

  
  
“Did you draw this?” Jared’s holding up a drawing of a cat bathing in the sun. He’s sprawled out on Jensen’s bed, watching Jensen desperately trying to find a misplaced book. Grey graphite reflecting light and shadows in the feline fur. Jared touches the paper almost like he’s expecting to feel the heat from the sunbathed fur.  
  
“Yeah.” Jensen nods.  
  
“It’s great.” Jared smiles. “I didn’t know you were this good at it.”  
  
“Thanks.” Jensen walks over from where he’s been shuffling through his books on the bookshelf and plops down on the bed next to Jared. “It’s just a drawing though.”  
  
“It’s a good drawing.”  
  
“It’s my way of getting my mind off things.”  
  
“Such as…?”  
  
Jensen looks at the drawing. He’s not much of a cat person, and certainly doesn’t draw cute animals that often. It was a way to empty his head though; finding a random picture in a magazine and draw it as detailed as he could. Focusing only on that so that he didn’t have to think.   
  
Think about the day he found out that Jared’s a prince.  
  
He wanted to laugh hysterically. Or rather, he wanted to cry, but laughing seemed to be a better way to deal.   
  
He finally decided to give it a chance, to have a boyfriend, someone to take home and introduce to his parents -- if it worked out, that is -- and then this news slapped him in the face. A prince. Not that it changes Jared, or who Jared is to him. But he thought long distance, USA – Norway and all that would be hard enough, but Jared was worth it. Jared IS worth it, still is.   
  
But a prince?  
  
A prince is a whole new ballgame. A prince means publicity, there’s no way around that. It took a long walk under the stars to come to terms with it. He almost scared the crap out of Jared when he wasn’t there when Jared woke up the day he informed his friends about who he was. But when he walked in, still distressed over it all, but much calmer than when we walked in, Jared just took one look at him and forgave him for taking off for hours. He dragged him to the side and asked him how he was, and Jensen confessed that he was scared shitless but that he didn’t want to back off on _them_.  
  
The relief he saw in Jared’s face was heartbreaking and enough to not want to worry him about it anymore. So he’s not about to tell Jared that the reason he sometimes needs to empty his head is because he does get scared shitless sometimes, and when he does, he needs to escape, if just for a moment.  
  
“You know, just stuff…when I need to relax, release some stress.” Jensen picks up the drawing.   
  
“Empty my brain...”  
  
“I…” Jared makes a theatrical pause and moves closer to Jensen. “…know a better way of releasing stress.” He cups the back of Jensen’s head and pulls him down towards him.   
  
“Is that so?” Jensen mumbles against his lips.  
  
Incubus is playing on repeat on Jensen’s sound system and “Anna Molly” is currently blazing out through the speakers. Jensen’s voice can hardly be heard over the voice of Brandon Boyd.  
  
“Hmm…” Jared nibbles at Jensen’s lower lip. “I sure do.”  
  
“Well, I do kind of like drawing,” Jensen says and moves to lie on top of Jared. Jared pulls him down and gives him a chaste kiss before letting him go.   
  
“Well, if you like drawing so much, I guess I won’t keep you from doing it.” Jared laughs and pushes Jensen away hard enough so that he almost falls off the bed. He has to grab Jared’s arm to pull himself up again and if it leaves a bruise then it serves him right.  
  
“I can—” Jensen moves back onto the safety of the bed. “—appreciate the variety in things,” he says and pins Jared down. “Now shut up and let me kiss you.”  
  
Jensen moves his hand beneath Jared’s shirt and caresses the smooth skin that stretches over firm muscles. He enjoys the way the skin feels against the tip of his fingers, smooth and warm and a little bit damp. Jared draws in a breath as Jensen kisses the crook of his neck, tasting the salt and bitter taste that is Jared.  
  
Jensen pushes a leg between Jared’s and Jared spreads his legs wider and invites Jensen to lie down between them. He’s hard and pushes forward to feel the press of Jared’s erection hard and hot against his own.  
  
Jared meets his every move. He groans and reaches down between them.  
  
“Fuck, I need…” Jensen’s words are swallowed by Jared’s mouth and cut off when Jared’s hand moves down his zipper. He pushes his hand under the waistband of Jensen’s boxers and wraps his hands around Jensen, stroking.   
  
“Augh.…That’s…” Jensen pants into Jared’s neck, licking and kissing, thrusting frantically into Jared’s dry hand. It’s just on the right side of painful, but his precome makes just enough lubrication not to hurt.   
  
Jensen struggles not to push down on Jared. The angle is weird and Jensen has to prop himself up on all fours for Jared to reach him, and there is no way Jensen can reciprocate without losing his balance. Instead he licks and sucks as much as he can on Jared’s tongue, kissing with an intensity that reflects every stroke Jared gives.  
  
“Pants,” Jared demands and it takes a tug at his jeans before Jensen gets what he mean.   
  
“Right,” he says, and whimpers at the loss of Jared’s touch when they move apart to undress. Jensen loses his pants and boxers in one go, and drops his shirt on top of the heap on the floor. When he turns to climb up on the bed again, he sees that Jared is just as naked and ready to welcome him back. His legs are spread and his erection is full and leaking down the shaft.  
  
It’s the first time he’s been totally naked with a guy, and he takes a moment to drink it all in.   
  
“Come here,” Jared says and tugs him down, making him fall flat on top of him, chest against chest, Jensen’s mouth flush against Jared’s neck. The warm skin draws him into action, and he moves his hands before he can even think. He wants to touch, map out every part of Jared’s body.   
  
Jared’s hands are roaming his body as well, and slowly they start moving together, their erections trapped between them, almost touching each other and both ready to spill.  
  
Moving up to his knees again, Jensen grabs Jared’s butt and lifts him up so he can wrap his legs around Jensen’s hips. Jensen pulls him closer so that his own balls brush against Jared’s butt with every thrust he makes. They are perfectly lined up and Jared moves his hand to engulf them both, stroking them with every thrust Jensen makes.   
  
“I’ve gonna…” Jared throws his head back, arching his back and shooting his load in three long spurts across his own belly. Jensen can feel his own orgasm building in the pit of his stomach and grabs him harder. He makes two hard thrusts and follows Jared over the edge.  
  
His breathing is heavy and his legs are shaking. He can feel sweat running down in his ass crack and he lets himself fall on top of a seemingly boneless Jared.   
  
“Light Grenades” is playing and they move to lie on their sides, facing each other. Jared pulls Jensen in so there is no space between them. Jensen lifts his leg to lay it over Jared’s hip, moving all the way into his embrace. They share lazy kisses, and keep moving their hands through the slick moisture on their warm bodies.   
  
“That was…” Jensen trails off.   
  
“Yeah, it was.”  
  
“Thanks.”  
  
  


*

  
  
The next day is crazy hectic with the preparations for the party, and three dedicated girls are all set to make the best Valentine’s party of the year.  
  
They aren’t shy, telling everyone what to do and how to do it, and the boys have hardly any time to think between being sent on mission after mission. Jared runs across town twice to find the perfect tray for the fruit they will serve, then back again to exchange it when they decide that it was not the one they want after all. Jensen is in charge of finding the right music for the party and setting up a couple of play lists -- not just the weird kind of music he usually listens to.   
  
Between Operation Music and Operation Fruit Tray, they are able to sneak out for a few minutes to grab a coffee at Coffee Grounds. It’s surprisingly empty, but it’ll probably fill up later in the day when all the romantic couples come out to share a coffee and a heart-covered muffin.  
  
“Let me guess,” Jensen says as they walk up to the counter. “A coffee latte grande.” He smiles at Jared’s reluctance to order anything else.  
  
“Why change what’s perfect?”   
  
“One Chocolate Mocha Frappuccino and a Coffee Latte Grande…”  
  
“…and a large chocolate muffin,” Jared butts in.  
  
“Make that two,” Jensen adds. “And we’ll take some of those with hearts on them!”  
“Aww, Jensen, you’re such a romantic.”  
  
“Well, I can remove yours,” Jensen bites back.  
  
“No, no, no need! I can take it.” Jared grabs his coffee and muffin. “Thanks.”  
  
“You’re welcome,” Jensen says and leans forward to give Jared a peck on the lips. It’s just a light brush and over before Jared has a chance to react.  
  
“Really?” Jared looks at him startled.  
  
“Well, there’s hardly anyone here, and it is Valentine’s Day after all. Isn’t this what boyfriends are supposed to do today?”  
  
The smile that splits Jared’s face is enough to light up the entire coffeehouse, but he dips his head and looks at Jensen rather shyly. “Boyfriends, huh?”  
  
“Yeah,” Jensen breathes, heart pounding in his chest.  
  
“Alright then.” Jared clears his throat and turns around. “Let’s find our table.”  
  


*

  
  
They’re late getting home for the party, and the house is already half-filled by the time they walk in the door. They throw their jackets into Jensen’s room before walking downstairs again to join the party.  
  
Music is blaring through the speakers and Jared’s not sure Jensen has completely followed the girls’ instructions about not including any weird music (in their opinion) when he recognizes “Triad” by Tool as soon as they enter the party.  
  
“Tool? Really?” He arches an eyebrow.  
  
“Yeah, what’s wrong with that?” Jensen greets Chris and Steve and makes a move to walk over to them.  
  
“Absolutely nothing. But I doubt this is the kind of romantic music the girls wanted you to program.”  
  
“Oh, young Jared.” Jensen pats him patronizingly on the chest. “If they really wanted romantic sap, they wouldn’t have asked me to put together the playlist. They would have asked Jason. They do want this music, but they want to be able to blame someone else for it.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
“Really! Girls are sneaky like that.”  
  
“Okay. If you say so.” Jared doesn’t really worry too much; it isn’t his ass on the line. Instead he spots Chad in the crowd and leaves Jensen with Chris and Steve to greet him. He hasn’t really seen much of Chad lately; they have both been busy. Jared with Jensen mostly, and Chad with…. Jared’s really not sure. He has a suspicion he’s been with Sophia again though, considering there’s been more than one night when he hasn’t returned to their room.  
  
“Hey, Chad.”  
  
“Hey Jay-man, how’s it hanging?”  
  
Jared doesn’t answer but grabs a beer from the table instead.  
  
“So what’s up with you and Sophia? Seems like she’s warming up to you again,” Jared comments. She’s busy laughing with Kathy and Jamie now, but waves at him when she notices him looking at her.  
  
“Yeah, seems like she finally noticed that I am not a total douche after all.”  
  
“Well, it’s hard to spot sometimes, behind all that crap.” Jared laughs at him, giving him friendly banter.  
  
“Oh, fuck you,” Chad bites back, but without real venom.  
  
“No, thanks.”  
  
“Speaking of which, how are things with you and Jensen?” Jared’s surprised he hasn’t said anything sooner. He knows that Chad saw them the night Jensen slept over before Thanksgiving… before anything really started happening with them. And then they informed their friends that there’s something between them, but that they didn’t really have a relationship. Just sort of testing the waters.  
  
That was a weird conversation to have. Another weird one, but just as important. All of their friends have been great giving them space though, without butting in too much, and yet putting up a wall around them when they are outside so that no one would guess that they were possibly more than just friends.  
  
“Good.” Jared can’t help but grin. The thought of their agreement that they are in fact boyfriends makes his heart beat just a tad bit faster.  
  
“Good.” Chad grins back. “So have you?” He wiggles his eyebrows.  
  
“And that’s where I stop this conversation.” Jared stops him with a stern look.  
  
They keep watching the crowd for a while, shooting the shit and watching how more and more people keep rolling in the door. After a while there are enough so that Jared’s security guards see no other way than to be present as well, something Jared isn’t all too happy about. But he won’t let that ruin his mood.  
  


*

  
  
It isn’t until the evening tips over to night and Jared is happy from booze that he runs into her: Kirsty. She startles when she sees him and he stops in his walk.  
  
“Hey,” he says, not wanting to be impolite. They’re in the same class after all, but he’s not exactly eager to talk to her.  
  
“Hi.” She nods and is about to move past him when she suddenly says, “Unnskyld.”  
  
“Hva?” He turns to her, not sure he heard her correctly.  
  
“Unnskyld,” she says again.   
  
“Eh…” He’s not sure if she’s saying _excuse me_  for walking past him or apologizing for what he thinks she has done but can’t prove. He stares at her, not sure how to respond.  
  
“Jeg mente ikke…” Her words have a heavy American accent and she struggles to continue. “I didn’t mean to say anything, I swear.”  
  
“Okay.” Jared takes a step closer and grabs her by the elbow. “Let’s go somewhere more quiet,” he says. He really doesn’t want to have that conversation here, in the doorway between the kitchen and living room.   
  
“Okay,” she says, looking sad and miserable.  
  
He brings her with him to Jensen’s room and closes the door behind them. After moving their jackets from the bed, he asks her to sit down and finds a place on the floor for himself. He doesn’t want to hover over her -- she looks intimidated enough -- so he opts for a position where he is lower than her.  
  
“Go on,” he says once they are settled.  
  
“I just told a friend. I thought it would be between us,” she says, teary-eyed and lips quivering. “I honestly didn’t mean to cause trouble.”  
  
“You didn’t,” he lies.   
  
“I just.” She use her sleeve to dry a drop from her nose. He stretches up to get the box of tissues he knows Jensen keeps on the shelf for when he dries his paintbrushes. He leans over to give her the box and she thanks him with a smile. “I saw you at the Norwegian market, lighting the tree.”  
  
“I know. I saw you, too.”   
  
She nods.  
  
“I was an exchange student in Norway, so I knew who you were, kind of. I didn’t pay much attention to the royal family, so I guess the only ones I would actually recognize are your parents and your brother. Yeah, and crown princess Sofie. She’s so beautiful.”  
  
Jared can’t help but smile at this. He agrees with her though and knows that Jeff would be proud if he heard what was being said about his wife.  
  
“ I didn’t recognize you before you were there. I guess I never expected to see you at my school and as I said… I’m sorry about now knowing who you were.”  
  
“Oh god, no. Don’t be sorry about that. As you said, it’s Mom, Dad, Jeff and Sofie who are mostly exposed in the media. Megan and I are lucky to have much less media coverage, not being direct heirs to the throne and all.”  
  
“So I told my friend I saw you, that you go to our school, and the next thing I know, it was all over. There was nothing I could do to stop it, and I was so ashamed of myself. I wanted to talk to you, but I was scared. And well, I am really sorry!”  
  
“You don’t have to apologize anymore. You’re forgiven.”  
  
“Are you sure?”  
  
“I’m sure. You didn’t really do anything wrong. Yes, it was inconvenient because I hadn’t told my friends who I was, but you didn’t do anything wrong. All you did was tell a friend that I was attending school, and I have no idea how you managed to keep Norway out of the question.”  
  
“I didn’t.” She shakes her head. “I just think she kind of took off when she heard prince and didn’t listen anymore after that. She’s not really the most attentive friend in the world. I don’t even think she knows I have lived in Norway.”  
  
“About that. How’s your Norwegian?”  
  
“Dårlig.” She laughs and confirms that her Norwegian is rather poor. “I never paid too much attention to actually learning the language, I’m afraid.”  
  
“That’s a shame.”   
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Well, I’ll tell you what. You talk to me as much as you want in Norwegian to brush up on it, okay?”  
  
“Thanks, I’ll do that. I’m afraid most of what I remember are curse words, but if you’re not afraid of bad language….”  
  
Jared throws his head back in a hearty laugh, glad to have talked with her. The anger he had harbored against her, but not wanting to admit to, is all gone, and he thinks she’s probably a nice a girl and someone who could possibly grow to be a friend.  
  
They sit talking for a while, about class and career choices and how they both ended up here. She tells him where she lived in Norway (in Rælingen, outside Oslo) and what she saw of the country while she was there, as well as what she liked (potato wrappings on hot dogs and Norwegian waffles) and what she didn’t like (brown goat cheese and the massive lack of small talk abilities).  
  
It isn’t until someone knocks on the door and Tom peeks in looking for Kirsty that they realize they’ve been gone for more than an hour.  
  
“Hey,” he says to the both of them before focusing on Kirsty. “Jamie’s been looking for you. She’s downstairs.”  
  


*

  
  
Jared walks downstairs behind them and spots Jensen the minute he steps into the living room. He’s at the far end of the room, having a good time with Steve, Chris, Jason and some other guys. Jared smiles at the sight and grabs a beer from the cooler before he tries to find his way across to Jensen. The room is rather crowded, and he’s afraid he bumps into a few people a little too hard on his way through.   
  
“Oh, I’m sorry,” he says when he practically pushes a guy forward. He didn’t mean to, but in his effort to move out of someone else’s way he walked straight into the back of someone else.  
  
“Jared, hi,” the guy says, and when he turns around Jared sees that it is Pete. He feels a bit guilty for leaving him alone all day, after inviting him to the party.  
  
“Hi. You’re having a good time?”  
  
“Yeah, great. Nice party.”  
  
“I’m sorry for not talking to you at all,” Jared apologizes.  
  
“Don’t worry about it. I know plenty of people here besides you and Chad.”  
  
“Good. I was trying to fight my way over to Jensen, didn’t really mean to walk people down.”  
  
Pete nods. “It’s crowded,” he says.  
  
“Sure is.” Jared gets ready to move on and points towards Jensen. “Enjoy the rest of the party.”  
  
He manages to walk the rest of the way to Jensen without walking into anyone, and he smiles and claps Jensen on his back when he reaches him.  
  
“Hey, Jared!” Jensen cheers. “Where have you been? I thought aliens had kidnapped you.”  
  
“Nah,” Jared shrugs. “I had to talk to someone. Used your room.”  
  
“Everything alright?” Jensen asks, more serious this time.  
  
“Yeah, just fine. Hope it’s okay we used your room though.”  
  
“Yeah, as long as you didn’t do the dirty in there.” There was a lack of worry evident in his smile.  
  
“Nah. It’s Valentine’s day. I wouldn’t two-time you today.” Jared throws an arm around Jensen’s neck, pulls him close and nuzzles into the back of his neck.  
  
“That’s good to know,” Jensen answers and leans back into the embrace.


	9. Chapter 9

PART EIGHT   
  
Jared wakes up with the hangover from hell the next morning. A glance at the clock makes him reconsider; it’s not morning anymore. The bed is empty beside him, and if he concentrates very hard, he thinks me might remember Jensen pushing him off of him some time ago, saying something about morning. Jared wasn’t exactly paying attention.  
  
Jared climbs out of bed and limps out of the room, shaking his left leg with every step in an effort to wake it up.  
  
Walking out into the hallway, he can hear voices and furniture being moves around downstairs, and he’s sure they are doing some sort of cleaning up -- not that he knows how that is possible with all the little men hammering inside their heads.  
  
Then again, not everyone was as wasted as he was last night.  
  
He takes his time in the bathroom: taking a piss, cleaning up a bit and glaring at himself in the mirror. He has certainly seen better days. He walks back into Jensen’s room and rummages around in his clothes to find something he can wear. He pulls up his own pants, but borrows a T-shirt and sweater from Jensen. They are a tiny bit tight and the arms are a bit short, but they’re the best he can find at the moment. He should really consider leaving some clothes here.  
  
He’s halfway down the stairs when he hears the voices clearly and not just as scrambled sounds.  
  
“No, it’s okay,” he hears Jensen say.  
  
“But have you talked to him about it?” Chris asks.   
  
Jared stops mid-step, feeling that he should probably not hear this.  
  
“No, I don’t want to worry him about it.”  
  
Jared is absolutely sure now that he should not hear this, but like they say, curiosity killed the cat.  
  
“Isn’t that what being in a relationship is all about?”  
  
“Worrying?”  
  
“Sharing.”  
  
“There’s nothing to share, okay? I freak out sometimes. Dating a prince is intimidating, and me telling him that won’t change anything. I’ve made my choice, I want to be with him, so I’ll just have to live with my freakouts. It’s as simple as that.”  
  
Jared turns on the step and walks up the stairs again, not wanting to hear anything else. If Jensen won’t tell him, then it’s Jensen’s choice. And it’s not like he doesn’t know that dating a prince is challenging. He knows that. He doesn’t need Jensen to tell him that. But hearing that Jensen is worried about it more than he is letting on makes him stomach churn with more than day-old alcohol.  
  
He tiptoes back to Jensen’s room and plops down on the bed. The movement makes his head explode and a sudden wave of nausea makes him want to throw up. That and the thought that Jensen possibly isn’t as happy with their relationship as he is.  
  
He grabs Jensen’s laptop and fires it up. He pulls the pillow behind his back as he waits for the computer to start, and he logs on to the guest account that Jensen has made for him. He sign into Gmail hoping that his brother will be online, but his status is set to “Away.” He decides to write an email; he needs to get his mind on something else.  
  
 _  
From: J.Padalecki@gmail.com  
To: menigmann@gmail.com   
date: 02.15.2010 01:17 p.m.  
Subject: Halloen…  
Attached: kane.mp3  
  
Hi bro,  
  
How are you doing?   
  
Personally I am way too hung over today. There was a huge party here yesterday. Remind me later not to drink so much next time, okay?  
  
I’m attaching a song by Kane. You know, the band I told you about? Steve and Chris that Jensen shares house with? They are good, I think you will like them.   
  
JT _  
  
He surfs the net a while, looking at news at www.vg.no and www.db.no, and sees that nothing big has happened in Norway. The news sites do remind him that it is Mother’s Day though.  
  
 _Fra: menigmann@gmail.com  
Til: J.Padalecki@gmail.com  
Dato: 15.02.2010 22.55  
Emne: sv: Halloen….  
  
Hei,  
  
Finally getting up? LOL  
  
I was just about to log off. Thanks for the song, will listen to it tomorrow.  
  
While I remember, how did you come up with the name Padalecki anyway?  
  
Hope you are not too lonely over there. We actually miss your sorry ass over here. It’s quiet without you. Of course, Markus tries to fill the void by making as much noise as possible, but he is only 6, so he’s expected to. You on the other hand….  
  
Are you coming home for Easter this year?  
  
Jeff_  
  
He types up a reply to Jeff before he gets up from the bed.  
  
 _From: J.Padalecki@gmail.com  
To: menigmann@gmail.com  
Date: 02.15.2010 02:14 p.m.Subject: re: sv: Halloen….  
  
Chad came up with Padalecki. Don’t know where he got it from, think it was something he read someplace. And you’ll have to agree, it doesn’t sound Norwegian at all. No one will guess whose email address it is. :-)  
  
I’m not quite sure when I’ll be home. Looks like I will get home pretty early. My classes end early, and if I skip the last lecture, I can go home already on Thursday and get an extra 2 days in as well.   
  
I can’t wait to see you guys again. I have to admit I kind of miss you. And I am looking forward to seeing your kids again.   
  
Anything you want me to bring from USA?   
  
Jeff…. Did you ever consider waiving your right to the throne?  
  
JT_  
  
He hasn’t even put away the computer when his phone starts ringing. The ringtone is “Know Your Enemy” by  _Rage Against the Machine_ , so he knows it’s his brother calling.   
  
“Hello, bro,” he says almost before he answers the phone.  
  
“Hi, kid. How’re you doing?”  
  
“Fine. How’re you?”  
  
“Great. Didn’t call to talk about myself though. More interested in talking about you.”  
  
“How so?”  
  
“Why did you ask that?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“If I ever contemplated waiving my right to the throne? Are you okay?”  
  
Jared can practically hear his brother’s panic through the phone, and imagines how he has worked himself up over everything that could have happened for Jared to ask something like that.  
  
“Nothing has happened. I just…”  
  
“You wouldn’t have asked if it was nothing. Come on, you can talk to me.”  
  
Jared presses his hand against his neck and groans. He doesn’t know how to broach the subject, and he really doesn’t want to do this over the phone, hung over and without preparing himself. He has to continue what he has started though.  
  
“If I tell you something, will you promise not to freak out?”  
  
“Uhm…” Jeff says noncommittally.  
  
“Jeff!” Jared urges him.  
  
“Yeah, okay. I won’t freak. But I will now unless you tell me what’s wrong.”  
  
“There’s nothing wrong. It’s just that I am kind of seeing someone.”  
  
“Yeah?” Jeff sound relieved and curious. “So what’s his name?”  
  
“His…” Jared stops. “What? How did you?”  
  
“We all do, Jared, don’t freak out about it. Is that what you’re so upset about?”  
  
“No! Yeah! Kind of.” Jared can’t collect his thoughts. “Really? You all know?”  
  
“Really, we all know. We’ve been waiting for you to tell us for years, bro.”  
  
“Mom and Dad as well?”  
  
“Them as well. They were convinced that Askgeir was your boyfriend.”  
  
“Askgeir? As in my high school class Aksgeir?”  
  
“The one and only.”  
  
“Hell no. I mean, he was a friend, yes, but no, so not my type.”  
  
“How should we know? It’s not like you have ever shown us your type.”  
  
“True.”  
  
“So you have found your type now, huh?”  
  
“Guess I have.”  
  
“And you’re freaking out about it?”  
  
“Not so much as I’m worried. You know how it is, being a public person and all. I don’t really want to expose him to that. I don’t want to scare him away.”  
  
“So you’re thinking that if you waive your title, you’ll be free from the media and everything that comes with that.”  
  
“Yeah, it has crossed my mind.”  
  
“I can understand that.”  
  
“So, did you ever think that?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“You did? Really?”  
  
“Yeah.” Jeff gives a strained laugh. “Not really seriously thinking about it, but yeah, I played with the thought.”  
  
“Would you have done it?”  
  
“I don’t know. I would probably have broken Norwegian Law if I did, but I don’t think anyone would have arrested me, do you think? But no, I had to play with the thought to kind of choose this way for myself. I had to choose to accept that I will one day become regent. Otherwise the task is too big for me.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“That’s what’s going on in your head as well?”  
  
“Kind of.”  
  
“Sorry to say that you just have to deal with the fact that unlike most others, in this part of the world anyway, we don’t have the luxury of choosing what we will become.”  
  
“ _In this part of the world._ ”  
  
“Exactly. I think we’ve seen enough to know that we are incredibly lucky, and that being in the media spotlight is a small price to pay for living the life we do. Other people lack opportunities due to poverty.”  
  
“It’s about keeping perspective, isn’t it?”  
  
“Isn’t that what you study for? So that you can make your own way? Use your opportunities to do something you like? And you have been given more opportunities than most others. Most people start from scratch. You start out, even before you take your education, with being a member in Young Global Leaders, and Goodwill Ambassador for UNDP. Not many people have that opportunity. Most of your co-students only read in books about poverty in the third world, and HIV/AIDS in south Africa, but you have been given the opportunity to visit the places and meet the people. How much more motivation and drive should there be in you, when you can put not only faces, but voices, smells and emotional impressions to those numbers? So, yeah. It might feel like a prison because we can’t walk freely on the street, but it’s a prison with a hell of a broad horizon, and a possibility to make a difference.”  
  
“Wow, bro. One would almost believe you had thought this up before you called me.”  
  
“Nah. I’ve been given the same speech by my wife. She’s a smart woman.”  
  
“That she is. Speaking of which, she didn’t by any chance put my name on a flower bucket to Mom on Mother’s Day today?”  
  
“She sure did. Said you wouldn’t survive without her.”  
  
“I’m afraid she’s right.”  
  
“Well, that makes two of us.”  
  
“Listen, it’s getting late in Norway. I’m gonna call and see if Mom’s still up so that I can congratulate her myself.”  
  
“You do that. I think she’s still up. She said something about watching a film on TV.”  
  
“Are you sure she knows?”  
  
“About you being gay?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“She knows.”  
  
“So I wouldn’t ruin her day by telling her about Jensen.”  
  
“On the contrary. And we had a suspicion about Jensen, by the way. There’s just so much you can say about a guy who’s just a friend.”  
  
“Thanks, bro. Love ya. Say hi to Sofie and the kids.”  
  
“Will do. And say hi to Jensen.”  
  


*

  
  
  
“Gratulerer med morsdagen, mamma,” Jared says as soon as his mom picks up. “It’s not too late to call, is it?”  
  
“Never too late to be congratulated by my son. I am glad you remembered Mother’s Day at all. Thank you.”  
  
“Have you had a nice day? Have they treated you well today?”  
  
“I have, thank you. And yes, they have. I’ve received lovely flowers from you all, and your father bought me a nice bracelet. Very pretty. Jeff, Sofie and Megan were here for dinner and we had a lovely time. We all missed you though.”  
  
“I would have come, but flying in from the US is a little bit much, even for me.” Jared laughs and stares up at the ceiling of Jensen’s room.  
  
“So, how are you, love? Anything new on your side?”  
  
“Funny you should ask.” He gulps. “I have some news.”  
  
“Okay.” His mother leaves her voice neutral.  
  
“I’ve talked to Jeff, and he assured me that apparently, it doesn’t come as a surprise to you all that I…” He swallows. “That I like boys.”  
  
“That you are gay?”  
  
“Yeah, that.”  
  
“No, hon. That’s no surprise.”  
  
“Okay then.” Jared lets out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Then I guess you’ll be happy to hear that I have a boyfriend.”  
  
“Oh, love, that’s wonderful! Does this young man have a name?”  
  
“Jensen.”  
  
“Ah, Jensen…. I see.”  
  
“I know, I know. Jeff also informed me that Jensen is no surprise.”  
  
“No, he’s not.” His mother laughs, and Jared feels a stab of homesickness at the sound of her trilling laughter.  
  
“Isn’t anything a surprise to you?”  
  
“Sweetheart, you have always been like an open book to us. You wear your heart on your sleeve. It’s just who you are.”  
  
“So all this worrying has just been in vain?”  
  
“I don’t know. Maybe you needed the time.”  
  
Jared thinks about it for a second and comes up blank. “I don’t know. Maybe I was just stupid.”  
  
“We were surprised when you turned down the Gay and Lesbian Association for patronage this Christmas though. We thought that was something you would like to front.”  
  
“Yeah, I would. I just don’t think I’m the right person for it.”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“A patronage is for five years, and well, I hope to be out within five years. And I thought the message would be stronger if a straight person fronted their case for them. I will kind of be a face for their case just by being out later, I hope.”  
  
“You’re right. It will bear a stronger message. And if I’m not wrong, I think Sofie is thinking about taking them on in her next round.”  
  
“That would be nice.”  
  
“So, back to the topic. You and Jensen, huh?”  
  
“Yes, me and Jensen.”  
  
“Now, don’t be shy. Tell me everything.”  
  
“There’s nothing much to tell really. It’s all kind of new.”  
  
“But it’s serious enough for you to want to come out to us, even though you didn’t know we knew until Jeff told you?”  
  
“More like it’s the first time I’ve been in a relationship and I suddenly started to realize that being with me is not always sunshine.”  
  
“Oh, hon. What’s happened?”  
  
“Remember the rumors in school about a month ago?”  
  
“Sure. Security called your father in the middle of the night and scared us half to death. We were worried something had happened to you when we received a phone call at that hour.”  
  
“Sorry about that.”  
  
“Hardly your fault, hon.”  
  
“Anyway, I think all the commotion kind of spooked him. He’s a great sport and doesn’t say anything, but you know….  _You_  probably do know better than anyone.”  
  
“You’re right. Sofie and I both know what it is like to marry into this family, and we know that it’s not easy getting adjusted to the spotlight. But don’t you worry. When the time comes, we’ll help him. This is still new, and the media won’t pay too much attention until you are announcing marriage, which I assume won’t be right away?”  
  
“Oh god, no.”  
  
“So you’ll have some time without too much pressure. Jensen’ll have it somewhat easier than Sofie and me anyway. He will never be in line for a title like we were, so they will go lighter on him. But trust me, we will guide him, just as we will Megan’s Vidar.”  
  
“Vidar?”  
  
“Yes, Jared. Vidar. You’ve met him.”  
  
“Don’t tell me she’s serious about that punk?”  
  
“Now young man, watch your tongue. Your sister hasn’t stopped living just because you are out of the country.”  
  
“She should.”  
  
“Jared…”  
  
“Why? I should be there to watch out for her, make sure he doesn’t look at her the wrong way.”  
  
“Your father and Jeff do do an excellent job of that. He was here the other day, and they both sat staring at him. And I tell you, no matter how laid back and not caring about being titillated as your father acts, as soon as we are in our own home, he didn’t care about that that night. He insisted on being called ‘Your Highness’ the entire night and scared the kid out of his wits.”  
  
Jared can’t help but snigger at the image. “He didn’t!”  
  
“Sure did!”  
  
“That’s kind of funny.”  
  
“See how funny you find it when it’s Jensen’s turn. Megan was furious.”   
  
“I bet. How come I haven’t heard of this?”  
  
“Because, Jared, your sister is way better than you at keeping secrets.”  
  
They talk a little bit more before they hang up, and Jared lies down on the bed again just staring up in the air thinking about just coming out to his family. He feels tremendously relived and wants to tell Jensen right away.  
  
He doesn’t get the chance to get out of bed before Jensen comes in the door though, holding two cups of coffee in one hand -- Jared sure hopes he doesn’t drop them -- and a bottle of water and Advil in the other.  
  
“Hey, you’re dressed,” Jensen says when he sees Jared lying on the bed.  
  
“Yup.” Jared nods and casts long look at the coffee in Jensen’s hand. “Is one of those for me?”  
  
“Yeah.” Jensen smiles and comes over to give him a kiss, handing over one of the cups. “So, what happened? You couldn’t find the stairs?”  
  
“Nah. I found the stairs just fine, thank you very much.” Jared gulps down two steaming hot mouthfuls of coffee and lets the taste hit him with full force. He can’t help the groan that escapes him. “I called my mom and my brother. It’s Mother’s Day, and with the nine-hour time difference, it’s already night there.”  
  
“Ah, okay. Everything fine with them?” Jensen hands him the Advil and opens the water bottle.. Jared grabs them eagerly and drinks half the bottle.  
  
“Yes. They said to say hello.”  
  
“Really? To me?”  
  
“Yeah.” Jared smiles at him before tipping forward and leaning his head against Jensen’s shoulder. “I told them about us. About me…”  
  
“You came out to them?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“On the phone?”   
  
Jared groans, “Yeah.”  
  
“Classy.”  
  
“Well, it wasn’t so much coming out as confirming what apparently everyone already knew.”  
  
“Well…”  
  
“What?”¨  
  
“You do own a lot of pink, Jared,” Jensen mocks him lightly.  
  
“Says the  _gay man_  that didn’t know I was gay until I told him!”  
  
“Yeah, but I don’t have a gaydar worth shit.”  
  
Jared snorts and pushes away from Jensen again to look up at him. “How come you’re not hu ng over?”  
  
“Because I had intelligence enough to drink lots of water and take Advil last night, while you just dived into bed and fell asleep. I tried to wake you up to drink some water, but you were completely gone, man.”  
  
“Yeah, sounds like me.”  
  


*

  
  
It takes another two hours until Jared is really awake and ready to conquer the world. They don’t have anything hazardous planned, just a trip to the art gallery, where one of Jensen’s classmates has a picture displayed in a collection of many artists. Jensen assumes Jared might just survive that.   
  
Jensen feeds Jared breakfast (Lunch? Or is it dinner?) and then they go. The temperature has gone up and even the sun is out.   
  
The day would have been perfect if it hadn’t been for the nagging feeling at the pit of Jensen’s stomach. He can’t help thinking about the conversation, bordering on fight, he had with Chris that morning. Everything has happened so fast, from the first kiss, to discovering who Jared really is, to deciding if this is what he really wants. He’s not naïve. He knows that being with Jared is different than being with most anyone else.   
  
Being with Jared means publicity.  
  
He swore to himself not that long ago that he would be discreet in any relationship he had, and yet, here he is, already well on his way into a relationship that is quite the opposite. And that would be okay if it was something he had thought long and hard about and decided was acceptable. But it isn’t. He’s kind of been thrown into it, or maybe thrown himself right into it, because Jared did promise to go slow.  
  
The thing is, he’s with Jared every day, and it’s just not possible not to move forward when he forgets everything around them as soon as Jared enters the room.  
  
And that makes him kind of sick, the thought that he’s losing sight of anything else, even a thing as fundamentally important as not upsetting his parents. It scares him that he lets go of all control just because of one man. He’s not sure he can deal with that. Control has been paramount to him.  
  
And then Chris, of course, sees him like no one else, asks him if he’s talked to Jared about it.   
  
Yeah, right. Like he can tell him “Hey, guess what? The thought of being with you makes me sick to my stomach. I have actually thrown up because of it. Because you see, when I get nervous, I get sick.”  
  
Yeah, that will go down well.   
  
Not that Jared will be angry at him, but he would probably act differently towards him. Be more careful, and Jensen doesn’t want that. He won’t be pampered. If he can’t take the full heat, then he shouldn’t be in this relationship. But then, maybe he can’t deal with taking the full heat? And that’s what worries him. Not that Jared won’t deal with being with him, but that he won’t be strong enough for Jared.  
  
He  _thinks_  he has walked into this with open eyes, but he can’t really know, can he?  
  
But he did decide – the evening he walked under a starlit sky -- that he was in this for what it was worth. You can’t do a relationship like this halfway. He made up his mind, and now he has to stand by his choice, even though it scares him more than anything he’s ever done.


	10. Chapter 10

PART NINE  
  
“Jared, wait up,” Jared hears Pete yell from behind him. He’s walking alone towards lecture hall, Linda tailing behind him. He knocked on Pete’s door this morning but his roommate informed him that Pete hadn’t been in all night. He turns around to see Pete running up to him from one of the paths coming from a smaller dorm house mostly occupied by art students.  
  
“Hey, Pete.” Jared greets him as he catches up. “Didn’t know you had switched to art studies now.” He nods towards the house he came from.  
  
Pete throws him a lopsided smile and has the decency to blush. “Nah. Allison, my girlfriend, she…we…”  
  
“Oh, right?” Jared smiles at the notion of Pete and Allison finally getting together..   
  
“So how are things between you and Jensen?” Pete changes the subject.  
  
Jared stops mid-step and waits half a beat before starting to walk again. It didn’t occur to him until now that Pete referred to him and Jensen as a couple.   
  
“How did you…” he trails off.  
  
“You weren’t exactly discreet at the party,” Pete says and looks a bit embarrassed. “Sorry. Wasn’t I supposed to know about it?”  
  
“No, yes, no…” Jared stutters and shakes his head. “I guess we weren’t very discreet.”  
  
“I really didn’t have any idea, if that’s any consolation. Not until after most people had left and you started practically dry humping Jensen in the middle of the living room.”  
  
“I did?”  
  
“Well, let’s say you were very friendly.”  
  
“I was?”  
  
Pete stops and looks at him with a serious expression on his face. “You really don’t remember, do you?”  
  
Jared thinks back to the party. Thinking about how he and Jensen had brushed their hands together now and then under the pretense of it being overcrowded. They had thrown their arms around each other now and then, but they had done the same with Steve and Chris and acted like drunken fools. Then Jared had talked to Kirsty in Jensen’s room, then Tom had come and gotten them and Jared had walked down to a very drunk and very happy Jensen. The party had already started to die down, and it was mostly close friends left, and Jared had joined Jensen in a shot competition. A lot of tequila and quite a few beers later he might have done some silly dancing, and he might also have tried to climb Jensen vertically on the impromptu dance floor. There might or might not have been dry humping involved.  
  
“I guess I was kind of drunk,” Jared admits.  
  
“Guess so.” Pete laughs.  
  
They continue talking, although not in great detail, about their blossoming love lives, and about upcoming assignments. Spring break is coming closer and there is an inhuman amount of work to be done before then.  
  
“Hey, I hear Kathy has an exhibition coming up,” Jared says as they enter the lecture hall. He lets Pete walk in front of him to their regular seats.  
  
“Yeah, she’s kind of stressed about it. Allison tries to calm her down, but you know how it is.” Pete nods.  
  
Actually, he doesn’t, but he can imagine. “Have you seen her work?”   
  
Kathy mostly works with acrylic paint and her expression is loud. She uses strong colors and odd shapes and mostly expresses herself through abstract painting.   
  
“Some of it,” Pete nods.  
  
“What do you think?” Personally, Jared doesn’t get the art perspective of it, but he is willing to admit that some of her work speaks to him. He does think his nephew can make just as expressive art, with random colors from his color box, but that is something he’s not willing to say out loud to Jensen or any of his art student friends.  
  
“It’s…” Pete stalls. “It’s colorful.”  
  
Jared laughs. “You don’t get it, do you?”  
  
“You won’t tell, will you?”  
  
“Not if you don’t rat me out.”  
  
“Scout’s honor.” Pete salutes him.  
  
“Have you ever been a scout?” Jared asks, looking at the salute that most definitely isn’t a scout salute, more like a Vulcan greeting.  
  
“No, but I could have been.” Pete laughs.  
  
  


*

  
  
  
Jared hasn’t seen Jensen in two days and if he doesn’t get to see him tonight he might possibly die of frustration. It is one thing being celibate when single; it’s something else completely when you have a hot boyfriend residing in a student townhouse just a ten-minute walk down the street.  
  
His call goes straight to voice mail yet again, and Jared is tempted to throw his own cell into the wall.  
  
“Anything the matter?” Chad asks as he walks in just as Jared groans in frustration.   
  
“Nothing,” Jared denies.  
  
“Yeah, because that’s how nothing looks like,” Chad says and points at Jared’s face.  
  
“It’s really nothing, just frustrated that I can’t get a hold of Jensen.”  
  
“Oh, you are so gone, aren’t you?”  
  
“Oh god,” Jared groans again and falls back on his bed. “I am, aren’t I?”  
  
“Yup, you are.”  
  
Chad grabs a chocolate bar from his bag and starts chewing on it as he plops down on his own bed.  
  
“So how’s that gonna work?” he asks.  
  
“How’s what gonna work?” Jared turns to look over at Chad.  
  
“You and Jensen, and you being, you know, a prince.”  
  
“I don’t know,” Jared sighs.  
  
“Didn’t you think about it?” Chad talks around a large chunk of chocolate and the words comes out muffled.  
  
“Some,” Jared shrugs.  
  
He has been thinking about it, they have even talked about it, a bit. He will always be a prince, he will always be a public person, but it’s not like he will be in the center of the royal family. He will be royalty, but his family, when and if he gets married, will not. He can claim some privacy from the media and expect them to respect that, but there will always be the ones that overstep their boundaries.   
  
It’s no problem for him to move to another country, if it ever comes to that. He’s not in line to take over the throne, so there are no constitutional obstructions to hinder him living outside Norway. So technically, the distance between Norway and USA will not be a problem. He can move, Jensen can move -- that is, if they are willing to. But he likes to believe he would be willing to move for love, and he likes to believe that Jensen is as well. But it’s too early to talk about love anyway; they have just started dating.  
  
“So, will this make Jensen a princess?” Chad laughs, “Princess Jenny, it fits.”  
  
“No, it will not, and god we’re far from that serious, and please never let him hear you call him that.”  
  
“So, with you being royal and gay, that makes you a queen doesn’t it?”  
  
Jared groans, “Please, please stop now! That is so wrong!” Jared throws a pillow at him and misses by a mile. “You have wanted to say that for a long time, haven’t you?”  
  
“You have no idea.” Chad nods.  
  
“Well, now you have.” Jared nods and points at him. “Never do it again!”  
  
  


*

  
  
  
Jensen jogs over to Jared’s dorm and is climbing the last steps to Jared’s floor when he sees the door to Jared’s room open and a girl leaving. When she gets closer he recognizes her from the Valentine’s party, but he doesn’t know who she is, probably a friend of Chad’s.  
  
He nods to the security guards sitting inside their dorm room looking out into the hallway, keeping an eye out for Jared’s room. He knocks three times and hears scuffling from inside the room and Jared’s voice hollering, “Yeah!”  
  
“Hey,” Jensen says as soon as he opens the door.  
  
“Hey.” Jared smiles from where he’s crunched down in front of his bed.  
  
“What are you doing?” Jared is pushing a large storage container under the bed and using more force than finesse to make it fit.  
  
“I’m trying to get this to fit under the bed again. It fit under there before.” He stands up and gives it a good shove with his foot and manages to push it in a little farther, a bright smile appearing on his face. “There, all set.”  
  
He beams and turns towards Jensen.  
  
“Hi,” Jensen says again now that he has Jared’s full attention.  
  
“Hi.” Jared smiles again and walks into his arms. “Where have you been?”  
  
“Uhpfs,” Jensen mumbles against his lips.  
  
“Say again?”  
  
“Around,” Jensen says when he finally pulls away from Jared’s lips. “Been busy with school and I misplaced my cellphone. Found it again today, at the bottom of my laundry basket. Sorry I’ve been AWOL. I never meant to disappear on you. And I really meant to come over yesterday.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“So, who was that girl?” Jensen asks and points towards the door.  
  
“Who?”  
  
“The girl I saw come out of your room just as I came?”  
  
“Worried I’m cheating on you?”  
  
“No, just curious.” Jensen smiles.  
  
“That’s Kirsty,” Jared says.  
  
Jensen searches his brain and draws blank. The only Kirsty he can remember Jared ever mentioning is the one he thought might have blown his cover, and surely she’s not his friend. “Who?”  
  
“A girl in my class.” Jared shrugs. “She used to live in Norway so we talk sometimes to brush up on her Norwegian. She was just over to watch a Norwegian film with me.”  
  
“A girl in your class – that used to live in Norway?” Jensen asks, suspicious.  
  
“Yeah, she…”  
  
“Isn’t she the one that…”  
  
“Yeah, she is,” Jared says, “but…”  
  
“And you are friends with her now?”  
  
“I am,” Jared confirms.  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Because she apologized, and she was not happy about what happened.”  
  
“And that’s it?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“You trust her now?”  
  
“Of course I do.”  
  
“How can you?”  
  
“I thought we covered this,” Jared says and starts pulling away from Jensen.  
  
“No, we never did.”  
  
“Yes, we did. The day it happened.”  
  
Jensen shakes his head in protest. “No, we didn’t.”  
  
“I said I didn’t want to do anything because she didn’t do anything wrong.”  
  
“Yeah, but that is far from becoming her friend. We never covered that!”  
  
“You angry at me?” Jared huffs.  
  
“No, I… yeah!” Jensen grabs his hair, pulling at it before letting his hands fall. “Yeah.” He feels the anger seethe in him and the frustration is about to burst.  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Yeah, you’ll have to give me some explanation here, because I have no idea what you’re so angry about.”  
  
“You. I just can’t believe you’re so careless about...”  
  
“About?”  
  
“...who you’re friends with.”  
  
“You gonna dictate who I can be friends with now?”  
  
“No! Jeez.” Jensen can’t believe he’s actually being accused of that.  
  
“Then why are you doing it?”  
  
“I’m not.”  
  
“You are!”  
  
“I’m not!”  
  
“Then tell me exactly what you are saying, because I clearly don’t get it.” Jared sits down on his desk to look at him. He looks defeated and Jensen feels the air go out of the balloon.  
  
“I’m just…” He sighs. “I’m sorry.” He hangs his head and walks over to Jared.  
  
“Jensen, what’s this really about?”  
  
“I’m just frustrated.”  
  
“Okay?”  
  
“You’re friends with someone who blew your cover when you tried to be anonymous, and I can’t understand how you can be so okay with it. It’s not that you are friends with her, it’s your motivation. Why don’t you get angry? How come it doesn’t affect you more? How come I’m the one that gets angry when you’re the one she hurt?”  
  
Jared pulls him towards him and wraps his arms around him. Jensen fits perfectly between the V of his legs and lays his head on his shoulder. He nuzzles his neck and let himself breathe in the calm for a moment.  
  
“I have lived with it longer than you. You are all new to this, I am not. It’s easier for me. It’s still frustrating, but I am used to it. If I shut out everyone that ever said anything about me to any of their friends, I would be totally alone. And if I look over my shoulder all the time at anyone that could possibly say anything, I would be totally paranoid, and I don’t want to live that way.”  
  
“I am that way.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Totally paranoid.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“You think you can handle me?”  
  
“You think you can handle me?”  
  
“I asked you first.” Jensen pokes Jared in the side.  
  
“Yeah, I think I can.”  
  
“Okay then, then I can possibly handle you too.”  
  
“Thanks.”  
  
“Crisis avoided?”  
  
“Yeah, crisis avoided.”  
  
“Good.” Jared pushes him away and stands up. “Now stop with the chick flick moment, let’s go out.”  
  
“Where?”   
  
“I need coffee.” Jared grabs his scarf and jacket and puts on his shoes. “Come on.”  
  
They walk down to Coffee Grounds chattering about their days and complaining about the enormous amount of work they have before spring break. It’s not until they are almost there that it hits Jensen. “Did we just have our first fight?”  
  
Jared stops and looks at him. “Did we?”  
  
“I think we did.”  
  
“Huh.”  
  


*

  
  
  
Jared smiles all the way to Coffee Grounds. They just had their first fight and they survived. He’s not happy they fought, but he’s happy they are okay. Every couple fights; it’s how they deal with it that matters. He’s pretty content with how they handled it.  
  
He does think they should have had make up sex though, but the day is still young.


	11. Chapter 11

PART TEN  
  
Spring break sneaks up on them before they even notice, and Jared is hell bent on spending the entire time in bed. The last three weeks have been hectic, to say the least, and he doesn’t think a week of sleep will do more than just catch him up on a fraction of the sleep he needs.  
  
Jared has pulled many all nighters to finish his assignments, and Jensen has been getting more and more frustrated as his assignment is getting closer to its due date. They try to see each other as often as possible, but at times it’s simply not possible to align their schedules. If they have seen each other, it’s been either for languid make out sessions or stupid fights. Turns out that both of them get snappy when stressed.   
  
They’ve decided to both stay put during spring break, since the rest of the residents in the townhouse will go away, so they will have the entire place to themselves.   
  
Jared has been to the store and stocked up on frozen dinners that should last them the entire week -- unless he gets hungry, in that case they may last a couple of days -- and more beer than he found comfortable carrying home. Now he finally understands why all the old ladies pull the roller cart behind them on the way home from the store. He has even seen one with a chair on it, so that you can take a comfortable break midway. He could pull that off, sure he could!  
  
He did manage to get all the groceries home with only a little carrying help from the bodyguards, and now he’s set for a week where he doesn’t have to leave the house at all.  
  
  


*

  
  
  
“Come on. Get your sorry ass outta bed and let’s go out!” The bed covers he was tucked so nicely and warm under are pulled away without a warning, and he grabs blindly to pull the sheets up again.  
  
“Uh, no,” Jensen’s voice says. Jared’s sure that if he opens his eyes he will see Jensen grinning like a lunatic, but he refuses to open them. As long as he keeps them closed he can pretend he is still asleep and that this is just a bad dream.  
  
“Wake up, or I will pour cold water over you,” Jensen warns, and Jared knows that he will follow through.  
  
“Is there coffee?” he finally squeaks, and opens one eye to carefully glance up at Jensen. Yes, he was right: grinning like a lunatic. This is the third morning of spring break, the third morning Jensen has gotten out of bed way before Jared would even dream of doing it, and the third morning…..  _Where’s the coffee he’s gotten used to being served in bed?_  
  
“You’ll get coffee when you’re showered, dressed and down in the kitchen.”  
  
 _No, no, not acceptable._  “Why?”  
  
“We’re going out, and I want you dressed and ready to go.”  
  
“But why?”  
  
“Because we have plans.”  
  
“I don’t have plans.”  
  
“Yes, you do.”  
  
“No, I don’t.”  
  
“Yes, you do.”  
  
“No, I don’t.”  
  
Jensen heaves a sigh and Jared thinks he finally won the discussion.  
  
“Yes, you do.”  
  
“Jensen, no I don’t.” He’s seriously annoyed now. It’s spring break, he can sleep, and he wants to.   
  
“Jared.” Jensen’s tone of voice sounds like he’s talking to a small child. “Kathy’s art expedition.”  
  
“Oh, guess I do then.”  
  
“Right. So shower, get dressed, then coffee.”  
  
Jensen leaves the room, apparently trusting Jared to get up now that he actually knows they have plans. It’s difficult, but he  _can_  do it. He bitches and groans when he gets out of bed, but it’s not half as fun when there’s no one there to listen to him. So he grabs a new pair of briefs and shuffles to the bathroom.  
  
At least the shower has plenty of warm water now that there’s only two of them using it, and the pressure of the shower head is really good. The height could be better though; he has to bend his head to fit under it, but he can live with that.  
  
He has his hand down on his shaft, hard and throbbing after a long night’s sleep, when the shower curtain is suddenly pulled aside.  
  
“Thought we could skip the coffee and put the extra time to good use,” Jensen says as he steps into the shower behind him.  
  
“Good idea.” Jared smiles and leans back as Jensen wraps his arms around him.  
  
Jensen nuzzles his neck and brushes his hand down Jared’s soap slick abdomen. Jared’s still holding onto himself, but he doesn’t make a move; he waits to see what Jensen will do.  
  
He can feel the heavy press of Jensen against his butt and he moves to make friction. Jensen starts to move as well, pushing his erection in between Jared’s cheeks, letting it brush over his rim with every stroke.  
  
Jared groans at the sensation and wants to push back. They have never taken it that far, and haven’t even discussed it. Neither of them have ever gone all the way -- Jensen because he doesn’t do casual, and Jared because it isn’t easy to find someone you would be sure wouldn’t run to the media telling everyone about the gay prince.  
  
“I want to…” Jared trails off and pushes back again.  
  
“Not now,” Jensen whispers against his neck. “Not in the shower.”  
  
“But later?”  
  
“Later.” Jensen tilts his head to nib at the shell of Jared’s ear. The touch ignites a spark that shoots directly to his groin, and he can’t help but move his hand.  
  
“Don’t,” Jensen says. He removes Jared’s hand, replacing it with his own.   
  
He moves his hand in slow strokes, drawing it out almost to painful, but keeping just the right pressure with his fingers. Jared moans and leans forward against the tiles, forehead and hands touching the wall. His legs are getting wobbly and he doesn’t know how much longer he can take it.  
  
“Jensen, please, I need to…”  
  
“Shh.” Jensen grabs him around his chest with his other arm and pulls him against himself, speeding up the strokes while pushing himself even faster against Jared’s butt.   
  
Jared leans his head back against Jensen’s shoulder and groans from the depth of his throat when he spills his load on the tiles. Jensen holds him still and pushes hard against him a few more times until he freezes and Jared can feel the heat of Jensen’s load spluttering against the small of his back while he breathes hard against his neck.  
  
  


*

  
  
  
The day is unusually bright for this time of year, and the temperatures are above what can normally be expected. As long as they walk in the sun, they don’t even have to wear jackets. The idea of getting out of the house wasn’t bad after all. Jared turns his head towards the sun and enjoys the actual feeling of heat on his skin. The walkway is already empty of snow and the feeling of spring getting closer is enough to make him smile.  
  
The long shower has made them late for meeting up with their friends, but they refuse to endure an entire morning without caffeine, so they risk being yet a few minutes later by stopping at a Starbucks. Jared texts Kathy where they are and that they are on their way while Jensen orders their beverages.  
  
“Ready to go,” he says as soon as their tall drinks are ready.  
  
The gallery is just around the corner from the Starbucks and the group meets them halfway there.  
  
“Hello,” Kathy puts away her cellphone and gives them both a kiss.  
  
“Hello Kathy,” Jensen replies and kisses her back. “Are you nervous?”  
  
“Not really,” she says. “It’s been up for a week already, and so far, only good comments. But of course, it’s special showing it friends.”  
  
“Well, you know we love your art,” Jensen reassures her, and that brings out the smile on her face.  
  
“Thanks.”   
  
Jared is too occupied drinking his coffee to really say anything, but he nods at Allison, Pete’s girlfriend, whom he does remember after all, now that he sees her.   
  
Sophia is there as well, and then a couple of girls and a boy that Jared hasn’t met before. They are all art students, and he doesn’t know many of them, only the ones that he has met through Jensen.  
  
  


*

  
  
  
Jensen and the other art students jump into long discussions about the art, and though Jared has picked up quite a bit here and there, having cut ribbons on plenty of expeditions, he doesn’t know enough to engage in these discussions. He falls back and starts talking to Pete, who has even less knowledge of art than Jared does.  
  
Jared uses the pretense of talking to Pete as an excuse to fall back and sneak away to the gallery’s store. They sell prints of famous paintings, and some art books, and Jared knows that Jensen has had his eye on one of them. He looks through it every time they are here, but hasn’t justified using food money on a book he doesn’t really need.  
  
Jared buys the book, wraps it in the jacket he brought just in case, and walks out into the gallery area again. He gently walks up to Kathy and asks as discreetly as he can if she could please store it in her bag so that Jensen won’t see it, and bring it over the next day when they will celebrate Jensen’s birthday.   
  
  


*

  
  
  
It’s late before they’re back in the townhouse and they decide on just spending the night watching TV and relaxing. It’s amazing how little they can do when they’re together and still enjoy it. Sometimes it’s just enough sitting in different chairs reading books, and sometimes Jensen puts his feet up in Jared’s lap.  
  
It’s nice, feeling so comfortable with each other that silence isn’t scary.  
  
“Did you have a good time today?” Jared rubs Jensen’s feet with lazy movements.  
  
“Hmm…” Jensen moans and Jared interprets it as a yes.  
  
“You know, you promised me something later.”  
  
“Hmm...” Jensen says again.  
  
“And now is later.” Jared stops rubbing Jensen’s feet to make sure he opens his eyes and looks at him.  
  
“Yeah, it is,” Jensen says and places his feet on the ground. He’s the first one to get up and reaches his hand out to Jared. “Are you ready?”  
  
They pad up to the bedroom, Jensen first and Jared holding onto his belt loop. As soon as they enter the bedroom their speed slows down, and they take a pause to look at each other. Jared leans in to kiss and Jensen meets him halfway. They start out slow, but the kiss soon deepens, and Jared’s not sure which of them groans. He breaks the kiss and leans back to look at Jensen. The flush on his skin, the dilated eyes shining with lust, the freckles that stand out even more than usual, and Jared wants to taste every part of him. He moves closer and removes the first two buttons of Jensen’s shirt. He lets his hand slip in under the fabric and brush a soft nipple with the tip of his finger. Jensen’s breath hitches and the sound goes directly to Jared’s groin, making his erection press even harder against his clothes.   
  
“I need you so much,” Jared whispers against Jensen’s ear, and pushes him in the direction of the bed until Jensen’s knees hit the mattress. He pushes him down and leans down over him so that he has no choice but to lie flat on his back. “So much,” Jared groans again, possessive and eager to claim this man.  
  
  


*

  
  
  
Jensen can feel his hard-on press against his zipper, ready to be freed, and he moves his hands down to open it.   
  
“Don’t.” Jared stops him with his own hand and sits down on the floor between Jensen’s legs, which hang over the mattress. He lifts up Jensen’s shirt and kisses the trail of hair leading down under the waistband of his jeans. The fluttering in his stomach makes Jensen whimper and he spreads his legs wider and grabs hold of the sheets with both hands. He thinks he can come in his jeans just by Jared breathing near his groin, and he urges Jared to move on.  
  
Jared laughs and cups Jensen’s erection through the fabric and plants one firm kiss on his belly before gently pushing down the zipper. His erection pops up, only being restricted by the much softer fabric of his boxers. Jared mouths it through the fabric and licks the head, making a wet mark, both from his tongue and the leaking of Jensen’s cock.   
  
With careful fingers he folds the denim to the side, exposing more of the softer cotton fabric. Jensen lifts his butt, moving to push his pants down.   
  
“Don’t,” Jared says again, breathless with anticipation.  
  
The tip of Jensen’s erection peeks up over the waistband of his boxers, and he slips his hands under the fabric to push them down.  
  
“Keep your pants on,” Jared says and Jensen stops, having only pushed the underwear down far enough to free his hard-on, which now leans roughly against the cold teeth of his zipper.   
  
Jared climbs onto the bed again and they both shift to lie on their sides, face to face, groin to groin, Jared still fully clad in his clothes and Jensen rubbing himself against the rough texture of his jeans.  
  
Jensen’s not going to take being controlled anymore and grabs Jared by the back of his head to pull him in for a kiss. He pushes his tongue in between his lips and searches every corner of his mouth. He smiles in satisfaction when he hears the groan Jared makes and feels the way he pulls them closer.   
  
He doesn’t let go until Jared pulls back to pull his shirt over his head, standing on his knees next to Jensen in the bed. Jensen follows suit and removes his own shirt, dropping it on the floor. Jared leans down to kiss him again while he moves to remove his pants, still indicating to Jensen to keep his.   
  
Jared lies down again, pushing Jensen to his back and moving to lie on top of him. They are perfectly aligned and Jensen starts to move rhythmically against him while they copy the rhythm with their mouths, kissing as deeply as they can.   
  
Jensen’s close to coming when Jared moves away, leaving Jensen hungry for more. He can see Jared bending his back to reach back towards the drawer in the bedside table. He roams around in it until he comes up with a foil package and a bottle of lube, and he holds them up, smiling at Jensen.   
  
Without a word he shifts to lay on his back, legs spread and face flushed. Jensen thinks that he has never seen Jared that beautiful before, fit and ready for him. Jared pops the cap of the lube open and squeeze a generous amount out in his hand. With his eyes fixed on Jensen and his mouth open, Jared pushes the first lube-slicked finger inside himself and starts to move before adding a second finger. The sight is enthralling and Jensen’s not sure he can even breathe.   
  
Spellbound by the sight of this beautiful man, he moves down to let his mouth follow where Jared’s fingers are. He kisses Jared’s knuckles and lets his tongue slip out to touch the rim of his opening. Fascinated by the movements of Jared’s fingers in and out of his body, Jensen reaches up to touch his fingers. He glides his own finger through the slick lube in Jared’s hand and pushes it in next to Jared’s two. Jared draws in a breath and lets his own fingers slip out.   
  
“Push in,” he says, and Jensen collects lube that has run down Jared’s crack to push in three fingers and open him up good and thoroughly. Jensen could come just from the sight and uses the heel of his other hand to press down on his own erection.   
  
“I’m ready,” Jared says after a while, and Jensen’s spell is broken.  
  
“You sure you want to do this?” he asks, not wanting to hurt Jared.   
  
“God yes,” Jared says. “I want nothing more than to have real sex with you.”  
  
Jensen pulls his fingers out and fumbles with the packet of foil. His hands are shaking and he can’t even rip it open.  
  
“Give it here,” Jared says, and reaches out for it. He puts it between his teeth and rips it open, rolling it onto Jensen’s erection in one smooth movement. Jensen moves to sit between Jared’s legs, pushing his pants down a little further so they’re wrapped around his thighs, giving him a little more freedom to move.   
  
“Are you sure you want to be on your back?” Jensen asks again.  
  
“I want to see you.” Jared nods.  
  
Jensen doesn’t protest, just moves closer and spreads Jared’s legs wider. He lifts him up so Jared can wrap his legs around his hips, then grabs for a pillow that he can push underneath Jared’s ass.  
  
“Are you okay?”  
  
“Please, just do it,” Jared begs.  
  
Jensen moves in and aligns his dick to Jared’s opening. It pushes against Jared’s hole and with the thrust of his body, he pushes through Jared’s rim, the head popping inside the tight entrance. Jared draws in a sudden breath and grabs the sheets with white knuckles, breathing only in shallow breaths. Jensen stops and waits until Jared breathes more easily again.  
  
“Okay, you can continue now,” Jared says.  
  
Jensen pushes in farther, feeling more and more of the tight and firm grip around his erection. The feeling is almost more than he can stand. He wants to push fast and now, but stops when he sees that Jared is holding his breath again and that his erection is fading.   
  
“Do you want us to stop?” Jensen says, already feeling droplets of sweat down rolling his spine.  
  
“No, just give me a moment.” Jared smiles a pained smile, but his nod is sincere and he doesn’t let go of Jensen’s eyes. “Okay,” he says a moment later.  
  
With one last shove, Jensen is all the way in, and he waits to let Jared adjust, knowing that he won’t last long when he starts to move.   
  
“Okay?” he asks, and Jared nods, smiling up at him.   
  
“Yeah, this last one wasn’t so bad. Start moving carefully.”  
  
Jensen starts moving, slowly at first and looking down at where his erection disappears inside Jared.   
  
“Oh my god, it’s so hot,” Jensen mumbles as Jared pushes back to meet him. He reaches his hand down to touch Jensen where he moves in and out of him and he groan when Jensen push in again, harder this time.   
  
Jensen grabs Jared’s penis and starts to work it in time with his own strokes, the once faded erection growing big and hard again. It’s leaking with precome and Jensen uses his thumb to flick the head and smear it down the shaft.   
  
“I’m gonna...” Jensen mumbles and can’t hold back anymore. He shoots inside the condom and collapses on top of Jared. He lies there for a minute before he pulls out his softening member and tosses away the condom.  
  
He moves to lie next to Jared,,grabbing onto his cock. He pushes up to kiss him and keeps kissing and stroking until he can feel the heat of Jared’s come spilling out on his hand.  
  
They keep kissing for a while until Jared’s spill between them starts to dry, and Jensen pads out to the bathroom and comes back with a wet cloth that he cleans them both up with before crawling into bed again.   
  
As soon as he’s in bed, Jared wraps himself around him, and Jensen relax in his arms. They kiss languidly and take the time to soak in the afterglow.  
  
“That was…” Jensen starts but doesn’t have the words.  
  
“Wonderful,” Jared finishes for him.  
  
“It wasn’t perfect though.” Jensen brushes his fingers through Jared’s hair. “I don’t think I found your prostate, and I couldn’t make you come like that.”  
  
“Hey, that’s okay,” Jared says, pecking Jensen on his lips.  
  
“No, I wanted to make it good for you.” Jensen looks at him, wanting him to understand how sincere he is.  
  
“I know, and you did.”  
  
“With my hands, yes. But I wanted it to be because of, you know… but I couldn’t.”   
  
“Hey.” Jared grabs his face and makes him look at him. “It was good! It doesn’t have to be perfect, and especially not the first time. And it felt great having you in me, even though I didn’t come like that. And afterwards, you sure made me come hard. You don’t see me complaining.”  
  
They curl up together and slumber in the heat under the covers.   
  
“Hey,” Jensen whispers before he completely gives in to sleep.  
  
“Huh?” Jared says, already almost there.  
  
“Just for the record,” Jensen lifts himself up to kiss Jared,,“I do consider everything else we’ve done as  _real sex_  as well. It doesn’t have to be penetration to be sex, you know.”  
  
  


*

  
  
  
Jensen wakes up early to the sound of his cell phone. He groans as he slams his hand on the side table trying to catch it, knocking down a book and a pen in his effort.  
  
“’ello,” he manages to choke out when he finally answers. He isn’t wearing his contacts and his eyes haven’t adjusted to the light, so he hs no idea what time it is or who is on the other end of the phone.  
  
“Happy birthday, Jensen,” a woman’s voice tells him.  
  
“Mom?”  
  
“Did I wake you?” She sounds amused and Jensen looks around to try to get a grip on what time it is.  
  
“What time is it?”  
  
“It’s ten, hon. Did you have a late night last night?”  
  
“Yeah,” he mumbles as he gets up, climbing over Jared all stretched out and still sleeping in his bed. Jared huffs and turns when Jensen climbs over him, but falls to sleep again as soon as Jensen is out of the bed. Jensen grabs his boxers, which he finally did get rid of during the night, and a tee that belongs to Jared, and pads out of the room. “Sorry about that, I was, eh, celebrating last night.”  
  
“Oh, was it nice?”  
  
Jensen thinks back to the celebration he and Jared had, and thinks that, yeah, it was fantastic. But he’s not about to tell that to his mom.  
  
“Yeah, yeah, it was fine,” he mumbles and heads down to the kitchen an puts on the coffee that is already measured up in the coffeemaker.   
  
“You need some coffee, don’t you?” His mom laughs from the other end of the line.  
  
“You know me too well.” He almost smiles, but isn’t really awake enough yet to do so.  
  
“Well, you are just like your dad -- can never wake up unless you have inhaled at least two cups.”  
  
“Well, he introduced me to it. Blame him.”  
  
“Oh, I do,” she playfully banters, and he can her his father yelling in the background not to blame everything on him.   
  
“You guys on your way to church?” He grabs the pot and fill his cup with the valuable liquid, listening to the sizzling sound when a drop falls down on the hot plate.  
  
“Yes, we are. Your father’s not working today, so we don’t have to be early, so I thought I’d call you for a good long chat before we went.”  
  
“Great.” Jensen rests his head against the cabinet door and lets the taste of the first sip sink in.  
  
“Jensen?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Did you hear what I said?”  
  
“Uhm, sorry. Kind of got lost in my coffee there for a while.”  
  
“Yeah, again…”  
  
“Just like my father,” Jensen finishes her sentence.  
  
“Exactly. Don’t know why I bother with you two.”  
  
“Did you call just to yell at me?”  
  
“I’m not yelling, and no, I just called to wish you a happy birthday. Do you have any plans for today?”  
  
“Yeah, a few friends are coming over.”  
  
“Oh, that’s nice.”  
  
“Yeah…”  
  
“Anyone special coming?”  
  
Jensen can feel his heart stop for a beat, not sure what to answer. It’s a question that has always been left out in every conversation before, and he doesn’t know if he’s ready to breach the subject of Jared.  
  
“Eh, no…” he lies. He’s not doing it over the phone.  
  
They chitchat for a few moments until it’s time for his parents to leave for church.  
  
“Mom?” Jensen says just as she’s about to hang up.  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“I’ll come home for Easter, if that’s okay.”  
  
“Sure, honey, we’ll be delighted to have you home.”


	12. Chapter 12

PART ELEVEN  
  
Jensen wakes up early to go to church with his parents. It’s been a long time since he’s been to church, and he can’t say he looks forward to it. It’s Easter Sunday though, and his father is performing the ceremony. It would be lacking in respect if he didn’t go, and honestly, even with his distance from the Church these days, he hasn’t really lost faith. Not in God, just in the Church, and maybe not even the Church, just some people at church.  
  
He joins them in the short walk to the red brick building that holds so many memories for him: the way he used to play hide and seek with Benjamin in the basement of the church, how the kids used to have bible group in the confirmation room, but were more interested in the pizza they’d make in the small church kitchen. How Wendy and him used to sneak onto the gallery during church coffee and sit on the organ bench and look up at all the pipes, sharing gossip about the old ladies and their daughters.  
  
There are a lot of good memories. It was a good childhood, a safe childhood.  
  
They reach the church at ten and the organ player is already inside pushing the button to let the church bells ring steadily for five minutes straight. They’re at the few last strokes when they open the side door that leads into the office wing of the modern church building. Then the sound of them is shut out efficiently by the heavy wooden door. The squeaking in the wooden beams going down from the bell tower down to the church ship gives Jensen the same feeling of wanting to seek shelter as he always had when he was a kid. He always waited for the tower to fall in on his head.  
  
“Jensen dear, do you mind seeing to it that the psalm books are in order and that there is a pamphlet in each and every one of them?” his mother asks him as soon as they have gotten rid of their outer jackets.  
  
“Sure,” he says.  
  
They have a special ceremony for Easter and have printed out pamphlets with the Nicene creed for everyone to read when the time comes for it in the ceremony. It’s Jensen’s task to make sure that everyone has the text to the creed they’ll be saying.  
  
His father locks himself in the minister’s office where he will be until the service is about to start, to read through the sermon and probably make a few last minute changes. As a kid, Jensen used to sit by his desk watching his father, and his mom would shoo him out to leave his father alone. When the church bells started to ring 15 minutes before the start of service, she would gather her family and they would all sit down in the front row.  
  
Today, it’s just him and Mackenzie here with their parents. Josh is celebrating Easter with his wife’s family and his father is left alone in the office. He never says so, but Jensen knows that his father doesn’t mind when his grandchildren sit by his desk and disturb him, even though Josh’s wife acts just like his mom always did and shoos them away to leave Grandpa alone.  
  
He puts a pamphlet in every psalm book and stacks them in four neat piles on the table by the entrance door. He even checks the bench rows for forgotten books left over from last ceremony, just as he used to do before. He doesn’t find any books, but he does find a candy wrapper and a piece of chewing gum wrapped in a piece of torn off notepaper. _Confirmants_ , he thinks, but he cannot blame them. He’s sure he left plenty of candy papers himself when he was here preparing for his big day.  
  
He’s all finished and has already sat down on the bench when the church bells ring in the ceremony and his mom walks down to open the double doors, letting light, wind and people into the church. He turns his head when he hears the first people start to arrive, and nods to familiar faces. A few of them nod politely back at him, quite a few smile, and only a couple ignore him like they haven’t known him all his life.  
  
Today he decides to focus on the smiles though. He’s happy and he intends to stay that way.  
  
It’s funny how Jared is able to calm him down, even at this great distance. Just knowing that Jared is in his life makes him calmer, more at peace.  
  
Jensen listens to his father’s voice. He has always had such a nice voice for public speaking. He knows that on important holidays, like Easter, is when his father’s at his best. He loves Sundays when church is filled to the brim, even if it’s with people only going to church at Christmas and Easter.  
  
“Easter teaches us about  _hope_ ,” his father preaches. “As long as there is  _life_ , there is hope. This expression takes on a deeper meaning through Jesus’ resurrection. There is hope because Jesus is alive. Without resurrection, there would be no Christian interpretation of life. There would not be any Christian Church. It is not death or suffering that gives hope, it is  _resurrection_. It’s not pain and torture that give hope, it is  _love_. Jesus said, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die.’”  
  
Jensen has heard the words many times before. Though his father likes to write new sermons each year, the theme is still the same. Easter is about love.  
  
“The key to the message of Easter is Jesus’ life.” His father continues, “He embraced sinners, the poor, simple people, normal people and those who had fallen.”  
  
There is a pause and Jensen can feel his father’s eyes on him.  
  
“He walked around in Galilee, raising them up, but the authorities wished to push him down. The authorities did not get the last word though, acts of love beat death. The powers of death could not withstand. Only love could.”  
  
His father steps down from the altar stand, walks a few steps towards the congregation and looks out on the assemblage.   
  
“Embrace your next.”  
  
He stretches out his arms to include the entire congregation in the gesture and says, “Let’s pray.”  
  
The congregation rises and reads the prayer on the pamphlet. They continue with Kyrie and his father prepares for the celebration of the Eucharist.  
  
They read the creed and Jensen misses the feeling of the rhythm of the apostolic creed that he knows by heart.  
  
 _We believe also in only One, Universal, Apostolic, and Holy Church; in one baptism in repentance, for the remission, and forgiveness of sins; and in the resurrection of the dead, in the everlasting judgement of souls and bodies, and the Kingdom of Heaven and in the everlasting life._  
  
He feels the impact of the words coming from his mother’s mouth next to him, and he wants to take her hand.  
  
“The Lord be with you,” his father says.  
  
“And also with you,” they answer in unison.  
  
“Lift up your hearts.”  
  
“We lift them up to the Lord.” Jensen closes his eyes, reciting the well-known words.  
  
“Let us give thanks to the Lord, our God.”  
  
“It is right to give him thanks and praise,” Jensen whispers at this last answer, letting the feeling of home embrace him.  
  
 _Holy, holy, holy, Lord God of Sabaoth;  
heaven and earth are full of thy glory.  
Hosanna in the highest.  
Blessed is He that cometh in the name of the Lord  
Hosanna in the highest._  
  
He lets the words flow from his mouth, the rhythm and melody familiar, and the feeling of energy lifts his spirit.  
  
They pray the Lord’s prayer and Jensen can no longer keep his hands away from his mom’s. She used to grab the hands of both of the children sitting next to her when they were kids, and when he grabs her hand, he can feel her relax and hold on to his hand.  
  
 _You’re not ashamed of me?_  he wants to ask his mom, as she’s holding his hand, the sinner, in front of the whole congregation. And he can feel a tear threatening to spill. His voice is thick when he starts to sing  _Agnus dei_.  
  
 _Jesus, Lamb of God, have mercy on us._  
Jesus, bearer of our sins, have mercy on us.  
Jesus, redeemer of the world, grant us peace.  
  
Jensen prays from his heart and doesn’t just recite familiar words. It’s been years since he last shared bread and wine.  
  
He finally opens his eyes again and looks straight at his father looking back at him.  
  
“Come, for everything’s made ready.”  
  


*

  
  
“Jensen?” a woman’s voice calls out from behind him. He turns around without letting go of Mackenzie’s arm.   
  
“Wendy?” he asks, surprised at the beautiful, petite woman standing in front of him. “Oh my god, you grew up nice. You look beautiful!” He kisses her on her cheek and gives her a real hug.  
  
“Why, thank you.” She blushes. “I could say the same thing about you.”  
  
“Wow, it’s been…”  
  
“More than seven years,” she fills in.  
  
“Yeah, too long,” he answers.  
  
“You’ve got that right.”  
  
“So, how have you been?” He grabs her arm as well and starts walking down the path with one girl on each arm.  
  
“Great,” she says. “Married, one child, happy. What about you. Have you got any handsome man by your side?”  
  
“Ehm...” Jensen hesitates.  
  
“Have you?” Mackenzie squeals before Jensen shushes her.  
  
“No, well, yeah. But not officially, not now.”  
  
“Oh, come on,” Wendy begs and Mackenzie pulls his arm.  
  
“No offence, but I haven’t told Mom and Dad yet, so you two do not know anything yet, okay?”  
  
“Okay.” Wendy nods. “So unofficially, what’s his name?”  
  
“Jared.” Jensen smiles. “And that’s all I’m gonna tell you.”  
  
Wendy smiles up at him and leans into his arm.   
  
“So how come you’re so okay with it?” he asks her, referring to them belonging to a congregation where not everyone is welcoming to a gay church member.  
  
“Oh, come on,” Wendy huffs. “It’s not like you and I weren’t partners in crime in most anything when we grew up. Do you really believe I would care who you fall in love with? You know me better than that. Believe me, they know me better as well. There are people throwing me dirty looks just for knowing you!”  
  
Jensen feels his stomach fall and he stops in his steps. “Really?”  
  
“No, come on Jensen, don’t be like that. You know I don’t care! Those people are hypocrites and I don’t care about being friends with them. Right Mackenzie?”  
  
“Right,” his sister chimes in.  
  
“Does it…” Jensen turns to look Wendy straight in the eyes, “Does it happen a lot?”  
  
She shakes her head. “Don’t you worry about it.”  
  
“Mac?” He turns towards his sister. “Don’t lie to me.”   
  
“Not from many.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
He thinks he has a feeling who they might be. There is woman in their church that has never been afraid to show what she thinks of people not living up to her standards. Normally Jensen wouldn’t mind, but he doesn’t like when they target his family and friends. Even old friends he hasn’t seen in years.  
  
“How come they target you, Wendy? You haven’t been in touch with me for years.”  
  
“Uhm,” she says, but hesitates. “I might have said something.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Nothing.”  
  
“Mac?”  
  
“The website,” she says. She doesn’t have to say anything else. The website, the one that had reached Richardson back in September, months after it was posted, far away from its target area. A website for the LG association in college, with a picture of him in front. It was an innocent picture, but it was on the wrong site. And though he had moved far away from home, some girl from church had found it, had printed it out, and had shown it in church. And though he had moved away from home, all eyes had been on his family.  
  
 _And his mother had cried._  
  
He remembers the phone call, the one where she had told him about the site. The one that had shaken him so much that he had sat out all night freezing. The night he had decided that it could never happen again.  
  
“You were the one standing up for me?” Jensen says to Wendy. He knew someone had spoken for him when his mother had been afraid to say a word. He never knew who.  
  
“Of course I did, honey. And though I might have been the loudest one, I wasn’t the only. There are plenty of people here that don’t hate who you are. Most of us love you for who you are Jensen, don’t let the few scare you away.”  
  


*

  
  
Jensen waits until his dad is busy reading the newspaper and his mom is busy cooking the roast lamb before he sneaks away to his room to call Jared. They talk every day on the phone, and though it’s nice hearing Jared’s voice, Jensen can’t help but miss him dearly.  
  
“Hello.” Jared answers his phone immediately.  
  
“Hey.” Jensen closes his eyes and lays back on the bed. “So how was your Easter?” He wants to hear more about Norway. Jared’s always so enthusiastic and happy when he talks about Norway, and he feels like he wants to get to know that country too.  
  
“It was great.”   
  
“Yeah?”   
  
“Yeah, traditional.”  
  
“What did you do?”  
  
“We went to church,” Jared says, “and if you want proof, there are pictures of it in Dagbladet and VG. They were both there with their reporters. And then we had a lovely dinner with the entire family.”  
  
“Of you going to church?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“They took pictures of you going to church?”  
  
“Yeah, they always take pictures of us when we arrive at church on Easter and Christmas.”  
  
“Wow.”  
  
“It’s no big deal really.” Jared brushes it off.  
  
Jensen can’t help feeling a bit nauseated. “Do they always photograph you at such normal things? I mean, when there’s really nothing special going on?”  
  
“Sometimes.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Nothing.” Jensen shrugs but doesn’t feel like it’s nothing. He knows; he knows alright? There will be pictures. Normal pictures, of Jared. Of Jared and…  
  
“Will they always be like that?”  
  
“Jensen…” Jared urges him through the phone. “You know this.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
“No, don’t be. It’s not… I know this, okay, it’s just… it’s a bit much, but I’ve chosen this, okay? And it’s not like we will make a scandal, right?”  
  
“No, we won’t.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
He can’t help thinking about the website, the picture, his mother, and how she cried. But if they’re careful, they won’t make headlines. They already know he is gay, so as long as he doesn’t shame them, it’ll be okay.  
  
He still has to tell them though, that there will be more pictures. There will be more pictures, he knows this, he just has to make sure he keeps his private life private. Jared knows how to do that and he can learn as well.  
  


*

  
  
  
The roast lamb tastes delicious. It’s cooked with tarragon and garlic and served with potatoes and Brussels sprouts. Jensen helps himself to two servings and eats with a healthy appetite.   
  
“This was lovely, Mom,” he tells his mother, and she covers his hand with her own and thanks him for his words.  
  
“I’m glad you like it, hon,” she says, and smiles at him. “Do you eat properly at school?”  
  
Mackenzie can’t help laughing and Jensen rolls his eyes.  
  
“Yeah, I eat well,” he says to the question she never fails to ask.  
  
“Good. Now stop rolling your eyes at me. A mom has a right to be worried about her son.”  
  
“Sorry, Mom,” he says.  
  
“So, I understand you have a special friend?” she continues.  
  
Jensen almost chokes on a piece of lamb and Mackenzie slaps him on his back.  
  
“What?” he says and shoots Mackenzie a dirty look.  
  
“No,” Mackenzie whispers and shakes her head.  
  
“Your sister hasn’t said anything, if that’s what you think,” his mother tells him. “I have eyes and ears, and I know my son. I made an educated guess, and from your reaction I assume I am right.”  
  
“Yeah,” he says and lifts his eyes to look at his dad. His dad looks back at him, a smile plastered on his face. Jensen can see it’s strained, but at least it’s an effort. “Yeah,” he says. “His name is Jared and he’s from Norway. It’s kind of new, so not much to tell yet.”  
  
They don’t talk more about it, and Jensen doesn’t know if he’s relieved that they let the subject go, or disappointed that they didn’t want to hear more.   
  
“I love you, Mom,” he says when he’s finished eating and helps her clean the table. For the first time in a long time, it’s been good to be home. It feels good that the cat is finally out of the bag, even though there still is a litter of kittens left in there.


	13. Chapter 13

PART TWELVE  
  
Jensen walks out through the church doors, feeling content. He thinks he will like it here.   
  
“You sure?” Chris asks.   
  
“Yeah.” Jensen nods. “I’m ready to start attending again. It’s time I found a  _new_  place to belong.”  
  
He has spent the week after Easter looking through the churches in the area, until he found where he would like to be a member. Chris, being a good friend, has come with him, even though he hadn’t freely set a foot in church in years.  
  
The priest seems nice, and they have a good set of church activities going. Jensen doesn’t think he will be joining any weekday activities just yet, but it’s nice to know it’s a living church with engaged members. Spending time in church during Easter had reminded him how much he missed it. Not that he thinks he needs it, he can talk to God everywhere, but no matter how things are between him and his parents, church has always been a large part of who he is, and it’s about time he found his own place in Church regardless of his parents.   
  
“So what did your parents say when you told them about Jared?” Chris points in the direction of the park across the street and Jensen nods.  
  
“Not much.” He shrugs. “I didn’t exactly tell them much, and they didn’t ask.”  
  
“You can’t expect them to ask about that. It’s not like you expect anyone’s boyfriend to be a prince.”  
  
“No, I know, I didn’t mean….” Jensen turns into the path to the park. “They didn’t ask anything at all.” He lifts his face towards the sun and feels the warmth on his skin. “It’s like, even though they want to know about me having a boyfriend, they don’t want to know anything about  _him_.”  
  
“They said he was welcome though, over Thanksgiving?”  
  
“Yeah, the  _theoretical_  boyfriend, yeah.”  
  
“You don’t think they will stand by their words?”  
  
Jensen lets his words sink in. “No, they will, they always do. Guess I just… Part of me just still hopes for them to accept  _him_  and love  _him_ , and not just accept me, you know?”  
  
Chris walks next to him a while without saying anything.  
  
“I never gave much thought to it you know.” Jensen sighs. “That when I found someone, the feeling of rejection would be even greater.”  
  
“Thought you said your mom and you had gotten closer again?”  
  
“I don’t make much sense, do I?”  
  
Chris doesn’t say anything and Jensen takes that as a confirmation. “Guess I don’t.” Jensen shakes his head. “Thing is, I am so confused. I don’t know heads from tails. It’s all chaos. I love…..” Jensen stops and Chris looks at him expectantly. “I love Jared, okay?”  
  
He had come to that admission during Easter, when Jared was far away, and he himself had felt torn between the two parts of his life that he loves but cannot see ever being united.   
  
Chris nods. “I thought you did.”  
  
“And I really want to be with him,” Jensen continues. “But at the same time, I don’t want to lose the fragile connection I feel with my family again. When Mom didn’t shy away from me in church, it was like coming home after years in exile. I’m so afraid of pushing her away again if things blow up in the media about me and Jared.”  
  
“Have you talked to Jared about this?”   
  
“I think you know I haven’t.” Jensen shakes his head. “I don’t know how to.”  
  
“But why?”  
  
“Part of me resents him for being a prince,” Jensen admits, not wanting to say the words out loud. The thoughts have been poisoning him from the inside for weeks already, and it eats him up. But as long as he doesn’t say them, he can pretend they aren’t true. “Part of me wants to blame him for making it even harder for me making good with my family, even though I know it isn’t his fault.”  
  
“But talking to him about it isn’t the same as accusing him,” Chris objects. “I’m sure he will understand.”  
  
“I know. I just need to figure it out in my head first. It’s just all too overwhelming. I don’t even know what I’m so afraid of.”  
  
He  _doesn’t_  really know, that’s the thing. It’s like he’s on a mud slide down a hill and he doesn’t know how to get out. And deep down he blames himself. He can’t stop thinking that  _he_  kissed Jared in public on Valentine’s Day. Coffee Grounds was close to empty and Jensen felt happy and fearless, and in the spur of the moment, he had done what he wanted the most, what should be natural and what he wants to be normal to do; he gave his boyfriend a peck on the lips. Normally he wouldn’t think much about that because that wouldn’t be the end of the world. But when you’re dating a prince, you can’t do that unless you are prepared to have it plastered on a front page somewhere.  
  
And that’s it, isn’t it? He’s not prepared to have it plastered on a page -- not a magazine, not a webpage, not a single article anywhere.  
  
And that’s even something he can’t blame onJared; that was all on him.  _He_  was the one making the move,  _he_  was the one completely losing his head that day. Jared looked completely stunned, although he collected himself rather quickly and beamed like only he knows how. And seeing that smile made it all worth it.   
  
It scares him that one person can make him lose control like that and not even make him regret it.  
  
If it were only him, he wouldn’t mind. But it isn’t.  
  
He can’t help replaying the conversation with Wendy, hearing how she talked about how people in church act against her just for being acquainted with him. And he cannot stop thinking about his mom’s broken voice over the telephone, the day back in September when she called him and asked about the picture on a website.   
  
 _They are calling you an abomination_  , she had whispered, muffled through her tears, and low enough that he wasn’t meant to hear.  
  
He can’t stop thinking about the promises he had made the night he had stayed out thinking, about how he would never put her through that again.  
  
And he can’t back off from the silent promise he had made to Jared another night, when he had made a decision to give them a chance, deciding that it could work, if he only was careful enough.   
  
He knows that he has started this path now, there is no turning back. He just has to make sure that he never again gives the press any opportunity to take his photo, and he’s counting himself lucky that there wasn’t anyone snapping a picture at Coffee Grounds the day he slipped up.  
  
  


*

  
  
It’s the first week of May when a scanned printout of today’s edition of Se&Hør dumps down on the table in front of him. It’s Linda that has dropped it there, and he stares from her down to the front page of the magazine, looking straight down at grainy pictures of Jensen and himself.  
  
 _Prince Jared has been seen, on multiple occasions, in the company of an unnamed male partner. Sources close to the couple confirm that they are more than just good friends and that they have been dating for several weeks. Furthemore, they inform us that Prince Jared and his male companion are extremely happy together and work well as a couple._  
  
Information had apparently been given to the German magazine Bunte and has now been picked up in Norway. It’s all over the Norwegian media. Se&Hør is first, as usual, but Jared knows that it’s just a matter of time before he’s making the headlines in every newspaper there is, and that it won’t take long until they also have Jensen’s name.  
  
  
  
 _Shit._  He hits his coffee cup and sees it crash into the wall, exploding into a million pieces and a splash of dark liquid running down the white wall.   
  
 _Jensen. He’s got to call Jensen._  
  
He hesitates with his thumb over the call button. His hands are shaking and he knows that tears are streaming down his chin.They shouldn’t though. He _knew_  this would happen. He has been a complete fool for thinking it wouldn’t happen this soon.  
  
Jared looks at the time and notice that Jensen is still in class and he decides on calling the Palace instead.  
  


*

  
  
Jensen’s phone beeps with three unanswered calls as soon as he turns it on after class, and he sees that they are all from Jared.   
  
“Hello,” he chimes as soon as Jared answers. “Miss me already?”   
  
“Sorry,” he hears a somber Jared say through the line.   
  
“What’s wrong?” Jensen’s blood runs cold by the lack of happiness in Jared’s voice.   
  
“Uhm.” Jared hesitates and Jensen starts to worry even more. “Can you come over here?”  
  
“Come on, spit it out. You’re worrying me here!”  
  
“We’ve made the news,” Jared says. No explanations.  
  
“ _We_  made the news?”  
  
“Yeah,  _we_  made the news.”  
  
Jensen’s steps stop short, and he feels the ground move underneath him. He closes the phone and reaches the trash bin just in time to throw up.  
  
 _Oh, my god_  he thinks.  _Oh, my god._  
  
He can’t do this. He can’t. Not…  
  
He should call his mom to warn her. Tell her that he has done it again, that he will do it over and over. He should…. He throws up again and lets his head rest at the edge of the trash bin, knowing that he will have to make use of it again.  
  
 _Fuck, I hung up on him,_ he thinks and grabs for his phone without luck. He turns to see it on the ground back where he dropped it and walks back over on wobbly legs. He has two more unanswered calls from Jared.  
  
 _I’m coming over_  he texts and starts on the Canossa walk to Jared’s dorm.  
  


*

  
  
  
“It’s a German gossip magazine that has picked up the scent of us. They don’t mention your name, just that I have a boyfriend,” Jared says.  
  
“Oh-kay.” Jensen’s stomach churns and he palms his face, not knowing what to believe.  
  
“We have to come out,” Jared says. “We have to tell the truth.”  
  
“No, no…” Jensen panics. “You never comment on private life, you said so yourself.”  
  
Jared takes a deep breath and reaches for Jensen. “Don’t…” Jensen says, and takes a step back. His instinct tells him to run, and to keep running.  
  
“They haven’t got my name, right?”  
  
“No, not yet.”  
  
“And we aren’t doing anything…”   
  
“No.” Jared shakes his head. “But…Jensen, you need to be named. It’s complicated.”  
  
“There’s nothing complicated about it.” Jensen grasps at straws. “We’ll just be extra careful, and we…” He feels the bile rise up again, but swallows it down. “We just make sure that it doesn’t happen again.”  
  
Jared shakes his head. “They won’t accept that. It’s out, and whether we confirm or not, they will chase this case. It can be dangerous.”  
  
Jensen turns towards the door, wanting to walk out.  
  
“Jensen, look at me,” Jared urges.  
  
Jensen turns and bites his tongue not to say anything.  
  
“I’m sorry.” Jared takes a tentative step closer. “I really am. But there are reactions already. Some people don’t like this, and some people threaten to hurt me, to hurt us.”  
  
“But they don’t know…”  
  
“I know, but they will find out.”  
  
“So let’s worry about it then…”  
  
“Jensen, listen to me. We have a problem. There are threats, and we need protection for you.”  
  
 _No._  Jensen shakes his head.   
  
“Yes, we do. The problem is that protection to the Royal family and their partners has to be granted through the government.” Jared spells it out like Jensen’s a kid. “And they can’t grant the protection unless you are officially my boyfriend.”  
  
 _No._  Jensen shakes his head again, not able to find his voice.  
  
“I’m sorry I hadn’t thought it through,” Jared says and takes the final step to close the gap between them. He wraps his arms around Jensen.  
  
 _I can’t do this,_  Jensen thinks and stands completely still. “I have to get out of here,” he says. He gently pushes Jared away and walks out of the room.  
  


*

  
  
  
_This is it,_  Jensen thinks. He’s sitting at the same bench he used so many months ago, feeling just as low as he did then.  _This is where I have to go all the way or not at all._  
  
 _The pictures,_  he thinks.  _At least I need to know how I screwed up._  
  
He walks back to Jared’s room and enters without knocking. He finds Jared on his bed, sunk down in a defeated posture, and he can see that this is not easy on Jared either.  
  
“How did I screw up?” Jensen asks.  
  
Jared looks at him puzzled. “What?”  
  
“The pictures,” Jensen says. “Was it Valentine’s Day?”  
  
“Yes.” Jared nods, and then shakes his head. “I mean no, not the kiss. There aren’t any photos of that, just from the party,” he tells him.  
  
“The party?”  
  
“Yeah, we’re dancing,” Jared explains and grabs some papers from his desk, holding them out to Jensen.   
  
“There were only friends there,” Jensen says, the reality of it all hitting him hard. “Friends that we trust.”   
  
“Yeah.” Jared nods.  
  
“So there wasn’t anything I….” Jensen doesn’t finish the sentence. The gravity of it all daunts him, and he realizes that there wasn’t anything he could have done. It doesn’t matter how careful he is when friends are willing to selling them out. The anger hits him hard. Apathy is being replaced with burning fury and he wants to hit something – hard. “Who?” he asks.  
  
“I don’t know,” Jared says, sounding defeated. “I have called a reporter.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“When you were out,” he says, like it explains anything.  
  
The anger Jensen felt is now directed at Jared. “I didn’t agree to that,” he yells.  
  
“I’m coming out,” Jared says defiantly.  
  
“We didn’t…” Jensen doesn’t even try to lower his voice.  
  
There’s a knock on the door and one of the security guards peeks his head in asking if everything’s alright.  
  
“Yeah, were fine,” Jared tells him and he retreats back to the room across the hallway. Jared is standing in the middle of the room, stretched to his full height.  
  
“I’ve scheduled an interview with a reporter, and I’m coming out.” There’s no room for objection in his voice. “It’s time.” He starts to pace the room. “Think about it Jensen. I wanted to come out anyway eventually. I even turned down being patron to the Gay and Lesbian association so that I could be a role model instead. And if I deny it after the media starts writing about it, I will actively be hiding it. That’s not the same as just  _not coming out_. That is point blank lying about it. What kind of example will I set then? I don’t want to be the one who is hiding my sexuality when there are hundreds of young kids out there afraid to admit they are gay. When confronted with it, I’ll have to admit the truth.”  
  
“So you’ve scheduled an interview with a reporter? Don’t to drag me into it!”  
  
“Jensen.”  
  
“No…”  
  
“Jensen! Listen to me!”  
  
“It’s my…”  
  
“Jensen, stop! Let me talk,” Jared yells now, and Jensen can see that he’s trying really hard to calm himself down. “Don’t worry, it will be fine! Just relax.”  
  
“Don’t tell me to relax, okay? Don’t fucking tell me what to feel, I’m no kid. You cannot tell me what to feel.”  
  
“You just have to trust me that I’m doing the right thing. I don’t mean to be patronizing, but I have lived with this much longer than you.”  
  
“So I have no say in this?”  
  
Jared takes a deep breath and shakes his head. “I’m sorry.”  
  
“Don’t…Don’t even try to talk to me right now.”   
  
 _Fuck him_ , he thinks. _How dare he make decisions on my behalf?_  
  


*

  
  
Jensen runs as fast as he can to Jamie’s room, knocks on her door and yells for her to open up.  
  
“Jensen? What’s wrong?” Tom says as he opens Jamie’s door.  
  
“Is Jamie here?” Jensen says, walking past Tom.  
  
“Hi, Jensen,” Jamie says from where she’s sitting on her bed. “Has something happened?” She sounds worried and stands up to grab hold of him.  
  
“You’re a friend of that girl Kirsty, aren’t you?”  
  
“Yeah?” Jamie nods slowly. “Why?”  
  
“Where does she live?” Jensen asks without answering her question.  
  
“Why do you want to know?” she asks.  
  
“I need to speak to her,” Jensen says, not willing to explain himself. He’s shaking with anger and it takes everything he has not to yell at her.  
  
Tom takes a step towards him, reaching out to touch his arm. “Calm down, Jensen. Ttell us what’s happened.”  
  
“I just need to talk to her, okay?”  
  
“Jensen,” Jamie says in a condescending voice. “Why don’t you…”  
  
“Don’t.” Jensen points his finger at her. “Don’t tell me what to do, and don’t tell me to calm down. I’m  _really_  not in the mood. You can tell me where she lives, you can come with me, you can call her and have her come here, but don’t stand in the way of me talking to her. Believe me, you don’t want to be in my way right now.”  
  
“Jensen!” Tom steps in between his girlfriend and Jensen.  
  
“No, it’s okay,” Jamie says pushing Tom away. “Let’s go, but Tom and I come with you.”  
  
They walk over to the Kristy’s room in silence. The three of them walk up the stairs and knock on her door.  
  
“Jamie, Tom…” she says when she opens. “Jensen?” She looks at him, puzzled.  
  
“I need to talk to you,” Jensen says and waits for her to invite them in.  
  
“Okay,” she says and steps aside.  
  
“Why did you do it?” Jensen says as soon as he’s inside.  
  
“Do what?” She asks with a frown.  
  
“The magazine,” Jensen spits.  
  
“The what?”  
  
“Was it money?” he accuses her.  
  
“What are you talking about?” Tom interjects.  
  
“She told a magazine about us.” Jensen turns to Tom but points at Kirsty.  
  
“I what?” she shrieks. “Why would I do that?”  
  
“You tell me,” Jensen spits out, getting in her face.  
  
“Listen, I know I acted stupid in the past, okay?” she says, tears streaming down her chin. “But I swear, I haven’t done this.” She shakes her head and turns to Jamie. “Jamie, you must believe me.”  
  
“Then who…” Jensen is interrupted by the door bursting open and Jared storming in.  
  
“Jensen, stop,” Jared yells and grabs his arm. “You can’t go accusing people.”   
  
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Jensen yells. “How many times are you gonna let her fuck you over?”  
  
“She hasn’t done it.”  
  
“I can’t believe…”  
  
“Jensen!” Jared screams right in his face. “Calm the fuck down and listen to me. She hasn’t done it!”  
  
Jensen stops and the room is dead silent. There’s a group of people gathered outside the door and Jensen casts a glance at them. “Shut the fucking door,” he yells, having the need to gain some control again.  
  
Someone, he doesn’t see who, slams the door shut, and it’s only them again in the room.  
  
“Jensen, sit down,” Jared says, pushing him towards the bed.  
  
Jensen moves mechanically and slumps down.  
  
“How did you…?” He waves his hand around.  
  
“Jamie,” Jared says, and Jamie waves her cellphone in the air.  _Sorry_  she mouths.  
  
“Mind if you fill us in?” Tom says. Jensen looks up and sees that the rest of them have sat down on the other bed in the room.   
  
“There are pictures of us in the Norwegian and German tabloid press,” Jared says, “and it’s private pictures that someone has sold. They also have information from, and I quote, ‘sources close to the couple’.”  
  
The room goes quiet and Jensen looks at Tom’s shocked expression. “Are you telling me that someone, one of our friends has sold your story to the press?”  
  
“Afraid so,” Jared says at the same time as Jensen says, “Yeah.”  
  
“And you thought….” Tom gestures towards Kirsty, while still looking at Jensen.  
  
“I don’t blame him though,” Kirsty chimes in. Tom and Jamie turn to look at her. “I did out Jared as a prince earlier.” Tom’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline, and Jamie’s mouth falls open. “Yeah,” she says, “not exactly proud of that.”  
  
“Not to offend you further,” Jensen says to Kirsty and then turns to Jared, “but why are you so sure? How do you know?”  
  
“The pictures,” Jared says. “The one not taken at Valentine’s was taken during spring break.”  
  
“Oh…”  _That’s right_. “I didn’t notice. It was…”  
  
“Kathy’s exhibition.”  
  
“Yeah. Kathy’s exhibition.”   
  
  
  


*

  
  
They walk in silence towards Jared’s dorm. The stairs together have never felt so long before. Jared lets Jensen walk first into his room, and Jensen takes off his shoes and curls up in his bed.  
  
“Do you know who?” Jensen asks. He tries to think of who was there.  
  
“I don’t know,” Jared says. “But I think Kathy.”  
  
Jensen feels his stomach sink. “No!”  
  
“I’m afraid so.”  
  
“How do you know?” Jensen says. “It could be… it could be Pete!” Jensen clearly remembers him being both places, and besides, Kathy’s a friend of his.  
  
She can’t have done this. Not Kathy!  
  
Jared stays silent. He lets Jensen look at the pictures some more, all of them. “I asked around,” he finally says. “I thought about Pete too, but I called Chad and he said Kathy had taken pictures of us at the party. I was too drunk to remember. And then I remember her putting her cellphone down as we met up with them at her exhibition. I thought it was just from reading my text, but I think she took picture of us then.”  
  
“I still don’t…” Jensen shakes his head; it simply can’t be. There has to be something wrong. “But why?”  
  
“They pay a lot of money, Jensen, to get pictures and stories.”  
  
“But she’s my friend.”  
  
“I know, and I’m sorry.”  
  
Jensen collects himself and stands up from the bed. He feels calm and together and starts talking with a steady voice.  
  
“Talk to the reporter,” he says.  
  
Jared nods.  
  
“And come out,” Jensen continues.  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“But leave me out of it.”  
  
“Jensen…” Jared sounds exhausted.  
  
“No, Jared.” Jensen shakes his head. “You don’t have to name me, because I’m no part of this anymore.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Us... as a couple… not anymore. I can’t, not this, I’m sorry. It’s too much.”  
  
“Are you breaking up with me?” Jared looks at him, his expression broken and his feelings raw in his voice.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Jensen says, and walks out of the room, leaving Jared behind him.  
  


*

  
  
Jensen slams his cellphone shut and throws it at the table next to the bed.  
  
“Jared again?” Chris asks from the door.  
  
Jensen doesn’t answer; it’s always Jared. He’s called multiple times over the last week but Jensen hasn’t wanted to talk to him. He knows that if he does, Jared’s just going to beg him to take him back.  
  
 _What have I done?_  he thinks, but he knows it’s the only way. If only he didn’t love him, but he does. His heart is ripped out, but there’s nothing he can do to change the situation. He’s not strong enough; _he cannot live that life._  
  
He turns around to face the wall, leaving Chris to stare at his back. “You’ve got to get up some time,” Chris says.  
  
It’s been one week -- or 6 days and 2 hours, to be exact -- since he walked out on Jared. They have all tried to talk to him -- Chris, Steve, Jason, even Jamie and Tom have sat down with him to give him comfort -- but he’s not interested in talking. He’s interested in wallowing in his own grief.  
  
He hates his life. He hates what destiny has thrown at him. He hates that when he found love, it was out of reach.  
  
The phone rings again, and Jensen turns around and reach for it where it had bounced off the table and fallen under the chair. He cannot stand seeing all the unanswered calls from Jared.  
  
“What?” he bites out when he answers.  
  
“Hi,” he hears Jared say.  
  
Hearing Jared’s voice makes him ache even more. He closes his eyes and concentrates on breathing. “What do you want?” he says, willing himself not to break.  
  
“I just…” Jared hesitates. “I can’t do this without you,” he says.  
  
“Do what?” Jensen asks, not wanting to hear the answer.  
  
“Be,” Jared says. “I can’t be without you. I miss you.”  
  
 _I miss you too,_. Jensen stays quiet, knowing that if he speaks, he will ask to come back.  
  
“Are you sure?” Jared asks. “I mean, isn’t there anything we could… something I could do to make you change your mind?”  
  
“I won’t change my mind,” Jensen says.  _Oh god, I want to come back._  
  
“I promise it will calm down,” Jared pleads. “It always does.”  
  
Jensen feels the anger start to seep in again, the anger that had been repressed by grief.  
  
“You didn’t even listen to me,” Jensen says.  
  
“I did what I think is best for us,” Jared objects. “I asked for advice. I didn’t just decide, Jensen. I made a choice based on what I and our PR people think is best.”  
  
“Yeah.” Jensen plucks on the frays on his jeans. “Everyone but me.”  
  
“Please, I didn’t think…”  
  
“No, you didn’t. All you could think about was yourself. What you wanted. Maybe you should think about this for a while: I don’t want to live with someone as selfish as you, that can’t even listen to his partner in subjects concerning them both!”  
  
There’s quiet for a while, and Jensen listens to Jared breathe.  
  
“Okay then,” Jared says, voice muffled by tears. “I guess this is it then. Goodbye, Jensen.”


	14. Chapter 14

PART THIRTEEN  
  
  
“Welcome.” Jon Hansen greets Jared on camera.  
  
“Thank you.” Jared smiles and nods. The smile is only for show; inside he feels nothing. He’s void. The last month and a half since Jensen left and he finished up school has been nothing but a battle to go through each day without breaking.  
  
The first week he constantly checked his phone, waiting for Jensen to call. No call came. He tried talking to Mike and Tom, but they said Jensen didn’t want to talk to him.  
  
Not that he wanted to hear anymore how selfish he is.  
  
He’s at the brink of tears, and he takes a sip of water to collect himself. He’s been doing this for years, putting on a face for the audience; this shouldn’t be any different.  
  
“Welcome back to Norway,” Jon, an honored and well-respected reporter from NRK says. Jared had specifically asked to be interviewed by him, knowing that he would treat him right and keep to the agreed subject. He also wanted the interview to be at NRK, the public broadcaster in Norway, feeling that it was right to keep it where the official newscasts from the Palace usually are launched.  
  
“Thank you.” Jared smiles. “It’s good to be back.”   
  
And it is good to be back. He never thought he would be this happy leaving the USA, but then he never thought he would leave without having a boyfriend back in the States to miss. Now it felt great leaving the site where he could see Jensen in every surrounding. He couldn’t even pass Coffee Grounds in the end without feeling the need to hit something.  
  
“There have been speculations in the press lately,” Jon says, “about the Prince being gay. Can the Prince comment on those rumors?”  
  
“Yes, I can,” Jared says, and takes another sip of the water to buy himself time. “Though the rumors aren’t entirely true, there is a degree of truth to them. The truth is that yes, I am gay.”  
  
“And the man you were seen with?”  
  
“He’s just a friend,” Jared says. “I can assure you that I am single.”  
  
Jon has been instructed not to ask for his name, and true to his word, he doesn’t.  
  
“Does the Prince have anything else he wants to say about this?” Jon asks, and gives Jared the opportunity to speak freely, as he had asked.  
  
“Yes.” Jared nods. “I want to tell the Norwegian people that it has never been my intention to keep my sexual orientation a secret. It has simply been a matter of coming to terms with myself, and something that, more than anything else, has been a private matter. I respect the many reactions I have received about me seemingly hiding my sexuality, and that it can seem like I have been ashamed. Let me assure you, I am not ashamed of being gay. I never have been and I never will be. Nor should anyone else. I have also received reactions of the other kind, but I will refrain on comment on that, other than to say that homosexuality is not illegal in Norway. It is however, illegal to discriminate against it. I will also remind you that it is legal for homosexuals to get married in Norway and we can even legally get married in church. Your personal beliefs are your right to have, but we all have to follow the laws, legislated by the King in the Council of State.”  
  
They chat a little more and then wrap up the interview.  
  
“Thank you.” Jared shakes Jon’s hand afterwards. He’s been interviewed by him multiple times before and he is often seen when the Palace holds press conferences. They have, after years on the opposite sides of the microphone, become friendly towards each other.   
  
“Good luck,” Jon says, nodding. He grabs his things and leaves Jared alone in the lounge. The room feels empty when the camera’s turned off and the lights are taken down. He walks over to the large windows, currently being covered by heavy draperies. He pull one to the side and looks out on the Royal Palace Park, watching the people sunbathing or hurrying past on their way to their scheduled appointments.  
  
He can’t help but feel a sting of jealousy for being on this side of the windows, feeling like a prisoner in the most fashionable house you can find.   
  
“Sir?” Astrid says from behind him, and he turns around to greet her.  
  
“Yeah, what is it?”  
  
“The Queen wonders if you will join them for dinner?”  
  
“Yeah,” he says. “I’ll stay for dinner.”  
  
He’s decided to stay in his own apartment this summer, not wanting to stay under the same roof as his parents the whole two months that he’ll be home. The apartment has been mostly empty the year he’s been in the USA, except for the few weeks Megan lived there while looking for her own place to stay.   
  
The space has felt wonderful, not having to share a small room with an untidy roommate, but it has felt vastly large as well. There’s been no place to hide from his thoughts.   
  
The whole first week he invited friends over every night, not wanting to sit alone. It was nice seeing his friends again, but something was missing. It was weird not being with his friends from school anymore, and Jensen was missing. Not only his boyfriend, Jensen, but his friend.  
  
More than anything he regrets starting something with Jensen. If he hadn’t, they could still have been friends now. There is no one he has ever felt as connected with as with him. And now that’s lost.  
  
“You coming?” He hears a deep voice from the door.  
  
“Sure,” Jared says and let the draperies fall into place again. He turns to see his brother standing in the doorway waiting for him. “I didn’t know you were here today.”  
  
“Been to the office,” Jeff says, “Lots of planning for the county courtesy trip.” The crown prince couple does a weeklong visit to one of the country’s 19 counties each summer, and this year it’s Nordland that’s on the map. Every detail has to be planned, and Jeff and Sofie are personally present at every meeting, unless other obligations keep them away.  
  
“You eating with us?” Jared asks.  
  
“No, I’ll be going home,” Jeff says. “Just thought I’d stay for a short while though. Haven’t really had time to talk to you yet.”  
  
They start walking together, maneuvering the old hallways in the Palace, moving away from the official wing and over to the private quarters. Their grandfather used to live here, in the private part, but it’s been under renovation ever since he died. Their parents are due to move in within a few months, when Jeff and Sofie will take over what has always been known as the crown prince couple’s residence, Skaugum, where they have all grown up. For now, they mostly use the private quarters between meetings and when they all stay in late. The palace is practically in between all of their homes, and the natural meeting point for them.  
  
They greet a few of the staff on the way and jump to the side when one of the girls almost runs them over.  
  
“How are you doing?” Jeff asks when they step into the private lounge.   
  
“I’m fine,” Jared says, loosening his tie and pulling off his jacket.  
  
“And if you’re not lying?”  
  
“I feel like crap.”  
  
  


*

  
  
Texas is hot and Jensen sits in front of the open window in his father’s home office. It’s quiet around him, but his head is filled with chaos.   
  
 _It’s too much_ , he hear himself say. No matter how many times he runs it over in his head, he cannot make himself do it any differently. It is too much. He doesn’t know how to handle it.  
  
He thought he did. He hoped he did. He made a choice and was determined to stand by it. He decided that he could take pictures and articles and talking about them, and then the first article showed up and he….  
  
…he hadn’t expected to be stabbed in the back by a friend. That is one thing he never thought of, never thought could happen. That is one thing he can  _not_  take. He’d been okay with rumors being spread by strangers, but not selling out by friends. He is supposed to be able to trust friends, right?  
  
 _I didn’t know you back then_ , he can hear Jared say.   
  
How hurt he had been that Jared hadn’t trusted him. How could he? How can Jared ever trust anyone, when friends are capable of doing such things? Jared  _knew_. Jared knew there was a possibility that this could happen, and yet he decided to trust. How could he? How can he live like that?  
  
 _He has no choice. Jared has_ no _choice, but Jensen does_.He has a choice, and he’s not as strong as Jared.  
  
He looks at the pictures staring back at him from the screen. He can’t help the self-torture and keeps typing Prince Jared in Google and hitting ‘search.’ He finds mostly Norwegian articles which he can’t read, but headlines like  _Prins Jared bekrefter ryktene om at han er homo_  he understands no matter the language. He scans the pictures, and true, the pictures of him and Jared are there, but no matter how well he combs the text, there is never any mention of his name.  
  
“A prince, huh?” He hears Mackenzie whisper coming up behind him. She pulls out a chair and sits down next to him.  
  
“Yeah.” He nods.  
  
“Who knew you had it in you?”  
  
“Apparently I didn’t,” he responds sadly.  
  
She wisely doesn’t respond to that, but grabs the mouse and move the page so that she can look at the pictures of the two of them.  
  
“You miss him, huh?” She states the obvious.  
  
“Yeah,” he exhales. He cannot breathe; that’s how much he misses him. He has picked up the phone to call him every day, but every day he puts it down again without dialing. “I just…” He barely whispers the words, not wanting to speak them out loud. “I couldn’t do it to them, you know?”  
  
Mackenzie puts down her cup of coffee and leans forward in her chair. “To  _them_?”  
  
“You.” He points at her. “You all.”  
  
“To us?” She leaves her mouth gaping and shakes her head. “Let me see if I get this straight.” She holds up one finger to let her speak. “You left him because you didn’t want to…” She shakes her head and raises her hands and and shoulders. “…what?”  
  
“I didn’t want any publicity on us, on  _me_.”  
  
“Jensen, I know you are hurt. I know you want Mom and Dad to come around and embrace you in all your gayness, and I wish they would too. But they won’t. I’m not gonna lie to you and say they probably will, because to be honest, I think they never will. But staying away like you have? Acting all self-righteous and sacrificing true love when you find it, that is just bullshit. Do you honestly think that helps?”  
  
“Self-righteous? I’ve been trying to be considerate.”  
  
“No, Jensen. You’ve been even more selfish than I thought you could be.”  
  
“Excuse me?” Jensen’s had enough and he pushes away to leave. She grabs him by the arm and pulls him back.  
  
“No, no, Jensen, listen to me. I agree, it’s awful watching Mom cry because she is convinced that you will burn in hell. But Jared or not, you are, according to her honest beliefs, gonna burn in hell no matter what. It doesn’t help her at all that you are miserable as well. It doesn’t change a thing for your destiny, which is what she is grieving. Do you honestly think your destiny is worse if you date a prince than a nobody? Do you  _think_  she will be happier if you end up with someone you don’t love, or if you end up suffering in this life  _as well_  as the afterlife?”   
  
Jensen shakes his head but can’t find any words.  
  
“So yeah, Jensen,” she continues, “I think you have been selfish. Not only have you fought for your right to be gay, for which Mom’s paying a great price, but you don’t even grab love when it’s right in front of you. So tell me, why did Mom have to suffer again? What was it you fought for?”  
  
“I…” he chokes. “I don’t know.”   
  
“Haven’t Mom and Dad made it clear that whomever you’ll bring home is welcome?”  
  
“Yeah,” he whispers.  
  
“Well, so honor their words. When have you ever known them to lie?”  
  
 _They’ll never change_ , he thinks, and he knows that she is right. He had clung to a desperate hope that if he was just discreet enough, they’d somehow forget and start acting like before. But it doesn’t work like that, does it?  
  
“They really won’t change their belief, will they?” he asks, almost like an afterthought.  
  
“No, Jensen, I honestly don’t think they will. The only thing that can change is that you all learn to live with it. And to be honest, they are doing a much better job with that than you are.”  
  
Jensen feels the gravity of the words hit him. It’s never going to change, no matter what he does or how much he tries. The feelings he has bottled up for years are pushing to the surface and he starts to tremble. “I don’t…” He pushes away from the computer. “I need to be alone for a while,” he says.  
  
“Are you gonna be okay?” Mackenzie looks up at him.  
  
“I just have some crying to do and some facts to accept,” he says. At least he knows that  _this_ , this is rock bottom. There is only one way out from here.


	15. Chapter 15

EPILOGUE  
  
  
  
Jared walks the long corridors towards his office. It’s Saturday, it’s fifteen minutes to twelve, and it’s a quarter of an hour until the first audience starts.   
  
He doesn’t do this very often; most audiences are for the King or Queen, then the Crown Prince couple follows shortly behind. But now and then there are people seeking audience with the Prince or the Princess as well. Megan doesn’t have any audiences today and has decided to stay home and read, but Jared has to be present in his office in 14 minutes and 37 seconds. Audiences always start precisely on time.  
  
He hasn’t seen the list for today; he only knows that there are five names on it.  
  
He asks Astrid to get him a pitcher of water and a few glasses, which she of course has already taken care of. He fills up his glass and takes a large gulp.  
  
He doesn’t resent these audiences; on the contrary, he has met many interesting people this way. They only last 20 minutes each, so if and when he has audiences that feel awkward, they don’t last too long. But he is always scared of not being attentive enough. He knows that though  _he_  doesn’t find himself very interesting, for people coming on an audience, this is a one-time experience that they will most likely remember the rest of their lives.   
  
It’s an honor for them, meeting the Prince, which is why a large percent come dressed in the national costumes or their finest suits. He doesn’t want to ruin their moment by being focused on anything but them. But he has had trouble focusing on anything lately. Ever since Jensen walked out, he has been completely useless, and he hasn’t had his head in the right place.  
  
Coming out was the right thing to do, and the uproar that was expected has not come. Most people have been great about it, and the media has taken surprisingly little interest. He wishes it had come at a different price though. Losing Jensen was not worth it.  
  
He has run their fight over in his head time and time again. How he didn’t listen. He did  _not_  listen to Jensen. Didn’t even stop to ask him what he thought. No, he ran his own game and did what he thought best, and it didn’t even occur to him to agree to a compromise.  
  
 _Maybe he’s not cut out for this life_ , Jeff had told him.  
  
 _Maybe not,_  he had answered, but he never believed it for a second. Jensen is cut out for it; he just didn’t have the confidence.   
  
 _He was just thrown out in it,_  Sofie had objected and said that no one is ever prepared for a life like this. She should know; she’s been through it.  
  
And when Jared thinks back, he also remembers plenty of conversations on how Jeff had to let Sofie grow into the role and not decide for her, but let her learn on her own.  
  
 _You’ll have to guide her, not decide for her._  The ghost of his grandfather’s words ring in Jared’s ears, and he know that Grandpa would have been disappointed in him now.  
  
“Sir.” Astrid breaks through his thoughts. A sure sign that it’s official duties is when she calls him ‘sir.’  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“The first guest is ready.”  
  
“Okay, let’s go,” Jared says and moves towards the double doors leading out to the waiting room in front of his office. Two young aspirants serving in the court stand by the doors, opening them at the strike of the hour, and Jared steps out to greet his guest.  
  
“Your Highness, may I present Line Udnehaug,” Astrid says and steps aside so Jared can walk up to his guest. She’s a small figure, dressed in a magnificent Telemark costume, and can’t be more than 17 years old. She kneels in front of him. He knows that all his guests are read the etiquette of an audience before being let in. Bowing or kneeling before the royals and addressing them with Your Highness, possibly sir, but never ‘you’ are the most important rules on that list.  
  
He also knows that almost everyone slips and calls him “you” at least once, and that neither he nor any in his family cares.   
  
He greets her with a smile and steps aside to let her walk into the office in front of him. A lot of his guests get startled by this, that the royals don’t walk in first, but for them, it’s just as important to treat their guests with the respect they deserve.  
  
He talks to her for a full 20 minutes, and as always, everything said in an audience is strictly between them. There’s no one else in the room with them, and not a word that’s said here ever leaves this room.  
  
The next two guests are an older man and a middle aged woman, but the fourth guest of the day makes Jared’s world tilt.  
  
“Your Highness, may I present Jensen Ackles,” Astrid says and steps aside as if nothing was out of the ordinary. Jared stops in his steps and just stares. Jensen stands in front of him, beautiful as the last time he saw him and bowing his head in honor, rendering Jared speechless.  
  
“Sir,” Astrid nudges him.  
  
“Uhm, come on in,” Jared says and steps aside to let Jensen walk into his office. As soon as the door’s closed behind him, he spins around and sputters out, “What are you doing here?”  
  
“Anyone can apply for an audience, Jared. I didn’t think you would answer my calls, and I don’t think I would have had the nerve to try twice, so I tried this. Now, I assume I have 20 minutes to talk to you?”  
  
“Yes, you have. And I would have answered your call, by the way.”   
  
“Okay,” Jensen says and sits down as soon as Jared has sat down behind his desk.  
  
“I’m sorry,” they say in unison, and they start laughing. Jared sees the lines in Jensen’s face. He looks tired; he’s lost quite a bit of weight. He doesn’t seem to have been dealing with this any better than Jared.  
  
“You have eighteen minutes left,” Jared says when Jensen doesn’t say anything.  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
Jared just nods, wanting him to elaborate.  
  
“Listen, I was scared, okay? It was overwhelming, and I was scared, and I didn’t think I could go through with it, so I guess I just looked for a way out.” Jensen looks at him with pleading in his eyes. “I am so sorry. I should have talked to you about how scared I was, let you be able to help me, instead of trying to do it on my own and then coming in too short.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“I didn’t like that you decided things that affect my life so much without consulting me, but I know you didn’t do it out of selfishness. If anything, I was selfish to leave.”  
  
Jared’s heart aches when he looks at Jensen and he knows that he wants Jensen back in his life. If he has learned anything these last weeks, it’s that he is miserable without Jensen.  
  
“You weren’t selfish,” he objects. “You did what you could to protect your parents, and I have to respect that.”  
  
Jensen nods.  
  
“I just wish I could have…” Jared stops and looks at him. “I wish I knew how to help you. My brother has pointed out to me that I was walking right over you. I am so sorry.”  
  
“Well, it couldn’t have been easy for you listening to me when I didn’t talk,” Jensen says.  
  
“I have a feeling  _communication_  is a key word here,” Jared says.  
  
“Sounds like it,” Jensen agrees. “So…” He drags the word out. “Do you think we can start over?”  
  
“No.” Jared shakes his head. “I don’t think we can start over. But hopefully we can move on from here and learn from our mistakes.”  
  
“Yeah.” Jensen smiles, looking relieved. “Yeah, I’d like that.”  
  
“Are you okay?” Jared stands up and walks over to Jensen now. He pulls him up and into his arms.   
  
“Much better now,” Jensen mumbles against Jared’s neck.   
  
“How have you been?”  
  
“Awful,” Jensen chokes. “I had a whole lot of growing up to do.”   
  
“Me too,” Jared agrees.   
  
“So you think you will be okay with this life?” Jared asks, his heart beating fast. He cannot live through another break up, so if Jensen’s not sure, he needs to know now.  
  
“I only know that I can’t live without you, so I don’t think I have a choice.”  
  
“It won’t be easy,” Jared warns him.  
  
“I know. But we’ll help each other out, right?”  
  
“Right.”  
  
“And Jared? I need you to promise to let me have a word in decisions that concern me.”  
  
“I know, and I’m sorry. I promise.. Believe me, I have learned my lesson.”  
  
“Good.”  
  
“And your parents, you think they will be okay with it?”  
  
Jensen laughs, and Jared doesn’t know what to think. “Besides the whole gay thing, Mom’s ecstatic I found a prince. And I don’t even think the media coverage will be a problem. Apparently the evil eye from the mean church wives was due to the coming out, and apparently once you’re out, you’re out, no matter how many articles they write about you. And as Mom said, at least this way, she can show them that at least one of her kids is dating a prince, even if it’s the gay one.”  
  
“She really said that?”  
  
“She really did. I almost choked. She has much more guts than I ever gave her credit for.”  
  
Jared smiles and looks at Jensen, taking in every beautiful inch of his man. “I’ve really missed you, so much!”  
  
“Me too,” Jensen says, and leans in. Their lips meet in a tentative kiss before they deepen it.   
  
“Ughmf.” Jared pushes Jensen gently on the chest, indicating that they need to stop. “We can’t.”  
  
“What?” Jensen asks, looking disappointed.  
  
“I have one more audience,” Jared says, pointing at the clock on the wall. “It wouldn’t look good if I greeted them with a hard-on.”  
  
“No.” Jensen laughs. “I guess you’re right.”  
  
“Want to wait for me in the private quarters?” Jared asks, wanting to see Jensen as soon as possible after his duties are done.  
  
“Here?” Jensen says, surprised.  
  
“Yeah, there’s a private part of the palace. I’ll have someone show you there.”  
  
“Okay.” Jensen smiles, still holding onto Jared’s hand.  
  
At that moment, there’s a knock on the door and Astrid comes in. “Time’s up. I’m ready to show you out now, Mr. Ackles.”  
  
“Sure,” Jensen says, slowly letting go of Jared’s hand. If Astrid notices, she doesn’t let it show.   
  
“Astrid, will you please have someone show Mr. Ackles to the private residence as my guest?  
  
“Of course,” she answers, politely and professionally.  
  
“And will you please make sure that someone gets him something to eat? He must be hungry.”  
  
“Yes, sir.” Astrid nods, while Jensen laughs and shakes his head.  
  
“And Mr. Ackles,” Jared says when they are almost out of the room. “Just so you know.” He takes a pause and waits until he has Jensen’s full attention. “My parents and brother are all there. Just thought you should know.”  
  
Jensen’s eyes go wide.  
  
“Have fun.” Jared laughs and turns to meet the last guest of the day.  
  
  
  
THE END 


End file.
